Marriage during Q Course?

[mhaggs]

I have spend time with the search button reading many of the 'family' threads; However, I have not seen any threads that address my specific concern. If I have overlooked a thread that addresses my question please let me know.

I am an 18X Candidate that is schedules for SOPC/SFAS Nov/Dec. My concern is that I am currently engaged and not planning on have a 'quick' wedding before I leave as the families are not fond of that idea. Will I have any time during the Q Course to have a wedding. Maybe over Christmas Exodus? If anyone has dealt with this or knows someone who has I would love some hints/ideas.

[Pete]

Long term or short term planning?

There will be breaks and you will be able to do things on your off time. Christmas is pretty solid - like the week between Christmas and New Years.

Anything else could get hit long term with a schedule or modual change.

So her/your family wants the who shebang? Anything else they want? Think about that for a while.

[mhaggs]

Yes, she is 100% Greek and the Greek Orthodox take wedding and family to the utmost extremes. I was fine with planning the wedding for late December and come up with a date closer to December when I know my exact orders. However, I called the family services center at Fort Bragg earlier today to check and make sure I would be given Christmas off. The women there told me I may or may not. She has seen a cadre give Christmas off but she also said she has seen many candidates training through Christmas. I found that hard to believe and figured I could get some good advice talking to men who have been through something like this.

She was also unclear on when I would be able to move my family to Ft. Bragg.

[Buffalobob]

You really do not need the distraction of a wedding during selection and anyone who has been involved in a long wedding planning exercise will tell you that the questions such as silverware, china, exact words of the ceremony etc cannot be handled without your participation and the problem is no matter how tactful you are by phone or email when you choose the flaming yellow and orange tuxedo, there is going to be nuclear warheads launched. All of this is going on when your thought process should be on how many quarts of fluid have you taken in and expended today and how are you going to pass the land nav when you were up all last night with your darling sweetie discussing whether to have the lobster newburg or the braised chicken.

Your only saving grace is that they take all of your electronic gizmos away from you so sweetie pie honey bunch's mother, the dragon of hell, will be calling the first sergeant wanting to know why you are not answering your phone calls.
,
I should take a stick and beat you with if for reminding me of all those painful conversations when I was trying to take final exams so I could graduate with an engineering degree from Alabama.

I do believe, now that I have more life experiences, that redleg danger close is preferable to wedding planning or perhaps they are the same thing.

So 36+ years later, here I sit retired with my wife still working and I have made a meatloaf to bake for our dinner tonight (if she comes home in time) and will zap a couple of potatoes and some green beans.

[SouthernDZ]

Originally Posted by Buffalobob

So 36+ years later, here I sit retired with my wife still working and I have made a meatloaf to bake for our dinner tonight (if she comes home in time) and will zap a couple of potatoes and some green beans.

I make a pretty mean meatloaf myself!

I spent the entire SFQC engaged but had the good sense to wait until I graduated to have the wedding. She's very understanding (but her meatloaf isn't as good as mine).

[Stras]

Here's some other things to ponder.

1. No single situation or response is the total answer to your question.

2. There are factors that you can influence and many that you can't.

3. You need to be thinking of 2nd and 3rd order effects. If I do "A", then how does this correlate with "B", "F", and "H". i.e., think ahead a couple of years and try to mitigate some of the issues now. Explain to your fiancee that you'll be traveling alot (without her), etc.

I was engaged prior to the SFQC. I graduated right before Christmas 92, and had the big church wedding the 26th of Dec. I've been happily divorced since 98.

If you're headed overseas after the SFQC, it is a frigging nightmare to get your new dependent into DEERs, passport changed to married name, and the EFMP screenings in less than 60 days. I came very close to having to leave my wife and move, with her coming after everything was finished. Luckily her b**hing out the EFMP Dr (COL) in the waiting room about the whole process helped me out.

Now lets talk about your security clearance. this will add to the length of time of the investigation as your status has changed. Real nut roll if she is NOT a US Citizen.

Is your future wife willing to give up her job and family and follow you to the various duty stations in your future career? not all of them are in the U.S. Might be a good topic of discussion to have now, rather than later.

[MTN Medic]

Originally Posted by SouthernDZ

I make a pretty mean meatloaf myself!

I spent the entire SFQC engaged but had the good sense to wait until I graduated to have the wedding. She's very understanding (but her meatloaf isn't as good as mine).

+1 and I am glad I did it. I was a Delta with long language too.

[mhaggs]

Originally Posted by Buffalobob

You really do not need the distraction of a wedding during selection and anyone who has been involved in a long wedding planning exercise will tell you that the questions such as silverware, china, exact words of the ceremony etc cannot be handled without your participation and the problem is no matter how tactful you are by phone or email when you choose the flaming yellow and orange tuxedo, there is going to be nuclear warheads launched. All of this is going on when your thought process should be on how many quarts of fluid have you taken in and expended today and how are you going to pass the land nav when you were up all last night with your darling sweetie discussing whether to have the lobster newburg or the braised chicken.

Your only saving grace is that they take all of your electronic gizmos away from you so sweetie pie honey bunch's mother, the dragon of hell, will be calling the first sergeant wanting to know why you are not answering your phone calls.
,
I should take a stick and beat you with if for reminding me of all those painful conversations when I was trying to take final exams so I could graduate with an engineering degree from Alabama.

I do believe, now that I have more life experiences, that redleg danger close is preferable to wedding planning or perhaps they are the same thing.

So 36+ years later, here I sit retired with my wife still working and I have made a meatloaf to bake for our dinner tonight (if she comes home in time) and will zap a couple of potatoes and some green beans.

Thank you for the advise. However, the most disturbing part of this message is the part where you graduate from Alabama .

Its tough to make a life changing decision between a career I will love and a women I love. Choosing may be too hard of a word here but I feel as though I may be trying to reinvent the wheel with a Christmas wedding during selection. I would truly never let myself get over standing before the board at selection explaining to them why I performed inadequately periodically through selection because I was worried about a wedding. HOWEVER, I had my 18x contract well before my fiance came a long. She knows, to the best of her understanding, what she is getting into. She is a very independent women who will be living with her mother after she graduates from Auburn this May. She has spend a good deal of time learning about my career choice and what goes into making a soldier. I truly believe she wants this tab as much as I do. As far as not getting married in December. I would still have at least a year of training. I assumed after the wedding I would have time to make the transition to a married man and get her up to Ft. Bragg over a period of time.

She has also waited to apply for jobs until she knows where I will be and when she will be able to move to get a job in the area. I'm trying my best to make this work. Hope it does...I love them both.

[LongWire]

Originally Posted by mhaggart

She has spend a good deal of time learning about my career choice and what goes into making a soldier. I truly believe she wants this tab as much as I do. As far as not getting married in December. I would still have at least a year of training. I assumed after the wedding I would have time to make the transition to a married man and get her up to Ft. Bragg over a period of time.

She has also waited to apply for jobs until she knows where I will be and when she will be able to move to get a job in the area. I'm trying my best to make this work. Hope it does...I love them both.

At this point she may have a better understanding than you.....But there's a whole lot of assumption being done on your part. Once again you aren't thinking this through very well. You need to have your head on straight so that you may focus on the course. A JOP is probably your best course at least until you know what your schedule is going to be like.....all this being said if you do happen to make it through selection!!!!

If all you want is a Tab, then save yourself some sweat and go buy one. They don't cost that much. Hell I'll send you a used one if you give me the shipping and handling......I've got some spares floating around here somewhere.

[glebo]

Well, personally, I would focus on....I know both are important, but you either focus on the course, or the marriage...not both. You're gonna need 110% in the course, well, if you REALLY want to be good anyway.

This is of course speaking from a person with "marriage ribbon with one oak leaf cluster" so my .02 worth.

Because ya never know what may happen.

[LongWire]

Originally Posted by mhaggart

I am an 18X Candidate that is schedules for SOPC/SFAS Nov/Dec. Maybe over Christmas Exodus?

Your timeline and choices suck!!!! Which one would you prefer to be successful at given the choices that you wrote? Believe that If you make it through SFAS and suck at your wedding, you will never live it down, and will be starting off on a very very bad foot!!! That is of course unless she is truly exceptional. As others have stated, you will have opportunities to excel and take trips you never dreamt of, but at some point her enthusiasm will wane. It would suck to have that right out of the starting gate. Women are fickle, if all she has to focus on is you, what do you think she wants your focus to be on? And don't even go with the "well she said" argument......Women are fickle!!!!!

Originally Posted by mhaggart

The women there told me I may or may not. She has seen a cadre give Christmas off but she also said she has seen many candidates training through Christmas. I found that hard to believe and figured I could get some good advice talking to men who have been through something like this.

How long you have you been in service???? You find it hard to believe that you might not get exodus at a time of war???? YOU ARE NOT THINKING CLEARLY!!! PULL YOUR HEAD OUT......You are about to Suffocate!!!!!!

[MVP]

This just scares me

"...she is 100% Greek and the Greek Orthodox take wedding and family to the utmost extremes."

I seriously doubt this girl will go for the SF lifestyle and neither will the family back at home who will be running you down for not being around for family events.

MVP

[1stindoor]

My .02 cents.
I planned with my wife-to-be our wedding while I was in language school following the Q course. I turned over almost every decision to her. Did it via long distance because she lived in Texas. Found out half way through the course I found out I would be deploying immediately following the wedding. Knowing I wouldn't have time to get her familarized with Ft Bragg, the commissary, the PX, DEERs, etc. I got married immediately following graduation from language school...by the Justice of the Peace in Dillon, S.C. It was just over a month prior to my "real wedding."

About 5 weeks later we drove to Texas, got married, stayed the night in Dallas, got up the next morning, drove back to NC. I left the following day. Welcome to life in SF Mrs. XXXX.

It has already been stated by others more experienced than I, but in my opinion you can plan for the course...or plan for your wedding. You can't do both.

As an aside, my CSM when I asked for leave to go get married, said this to me...
"Why do you want to go do that? I'll tell you what's going to happen, you'll get married, I'll send you down south where you'll find a new love of your life with a permanent tan and bigger boobs, you'll come home to find your wife banging every guy in division trying to earn a battle streamer, and then she'll divorce you and take half your stuff. Still want to get married?"
I said, "Yes Sergeant Major."
He said, "Well...I've done my job and gave you a safety brief....good luck to you."

[Dozer523]

Originally Posted by 1stindoor

My .02 cents. I got married immediately following graduation from language school...by the Justice of the Peace in Dillon, S.C. It was just over a month prior to my "real wedding."

Makes me glad that when I went through the Q Coures it took about 6 months. You got all the extra stuff TDY if you were lucky.
Reading this I keep thinking, "You can't get there from here".

The arguement 'If she loves you she'll wait' is hard to believe when the pipeline is now 2 years.
I'm with Brother 1. Grab your sweetie, and find a JOP. To hell with the family and the ohh la lah.
Now if it turns out your sweetie thinks the wedding is more important then the marriage wellllll. . .
(MRFL is still waiting on the honeymoon I owe her. ISYN. I went to Jordan.)

Originally Posted by 1stindoor

As an aside, my CSM when I asked for leave to go get married, said this to me..."

That's just flat out funny.

[Buffalobob]

About 5 weeks later we drove to Texas, got married, stayed the night in Dallas, got up the next morning, drove back to NC. I left the following day. Welcome to life in SF Mrs. XXXX.]

I'll bet Texas was outside your pass radius.