Who needs a best friend? NYT article

[bravo22b]

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/17/fa...e&ref=homepage

But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend?

Most children naturally seek close friends. In a survey of nearly 3,000 Americans ages 8 to 24 conducted last year by Harris Interactive, 94 percent said they had at least one close friend. But the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.

“I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,” said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. “We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.”

“Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,” she continued. “We say he doesn’t need a best friend.”

I don't even know where to begin with this... unless it is directly affecting a student's conformance to school rules or academic work, why on earth should teachers or school administrators be trying to tell a kid who they can be friends with?

And where the f&@k do they get off dictating to a kid that it is better to have a larger group of less close friends than a smaller group of friends that you can actually trust and/or rely on? My 37 years of experience have pretty much proven to my satisfaction that it is hard to find good people who you can count on to have your back no matter what. I would much rather have a handful of people who you can legitimately call "friends" than a whole pile of people who most people might call friends but I would call "acquaintances".

WTF is this country coming to? I don't have children (yet), but I don't think I could send them to a school that would engage in this kind of unnecessary and unwanted social engineering.

[rdret1]

I agree. It seems schools these days are too concerned with what kids can and cannot do, or are they wearing anything that in any way represents a weapon of some kind, versus trying to teach kids something useful and educational. You stop the bullying by monitoring the bullies. Humans are social creatures. They will form their friendships, cliques and groups based on individual preferences and needs. There is nothing some school administrator is going to do about that. If they try, this will just force some kids to hide their relationships with others, which IMO, would have a greater tendency to develop the social outcast personalities that they fear.

[Dozer523]

I was an Army brat and between K and 12 I attended 11 schools.
Jeffery (K;1), Beckie (1), Bruce (2,3), Kevin (4), Mike (5), Vince (6), Rick (7,8) Tom (9), Tim B (10, 11) Rick S (12)
If I didn't have "best friend" I'd have been lost. My pool of friends may not have been big but it was deep.

These researcher can KMA and BTW I don't want to invest myself in their friendship.

(It's a hoot and a half to find them -- my old best friends -- on Facebook now. The conversation seems to pick up where we left it )

[mojaveman]

Best friends are good for the mind and soul. They provide solace when the chips are down in the cruel and uncaring world that we live in. I still associate with some of my close friends from my adolescent years. These are people that I got drunk with for the first time, people who stuck up for me when I was about to lose a fight, and people who I knew could make me feel better when things weren't going well at home. Everyone needs to have a few good friends around them.

[ZonieDiver]

I cannot imagine my life as a kid growing up WITHOUT a 'wingman'!

These educational clowns are just that - clowns. Trust me, the educational ranks are filled with them - trying to justify their jobs AND still avoid any meaningful contact with actual kids!

I will NOT miss them when I retire at the end of next year.

[LarryW]

(fm ZonieDiver) These educational clowns are just that - clowns. Trust me, the educational ranks are filled with them - trying to justify their jobs AND still avoid any meaningful contact with actual kids!

Concur ~ x.

You ever watch a group of puppies? Even from different litters they huddle and move together. It's the way young creatures learn. It's the way with nature. It's the difference between uphill and downhill when you're pouring piss out of a boot. Some things you just need to know. Kids ain't stupid.

Here's a thought...let's come up with New Math!

[greenberetTFS]

These researcher can KMA and BTW I don't want to invest myself in their friendship.

(It's a hoot and a half to find them on Facebook now)/quote/dozer

I'm with you on this one completely,incredible how some of these educators think.....

Big Teddy

[wch84]

Complete bullshit. Best friends/small close group of trusted friends are the ones who will be there for you when the proverbial crap hits the fan. Lots of life experience taught me that one.

[Streck-Fu]

Everyone needs a best friend.

[echoes]

Originally Posted by bravo22b

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/17/fa...e&ref=homepage
"the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school —"

WTH??? Well, the joke is on them, because as long as their are Twins being born in this world, they can do all the outlawing they want, it wont make one damn bit of difference, IMNSHO!

Sometimes, if you are lucky, you are born with a best friend for life!

Holly

[plato]

Wouldn't it be interesting to let these "educators" give a briefing where they explain their position against "exclusivity" and invite their husbands/wires/partners?


Would be a great place to find a date.