My Resume

[Richard]

GOAL: To obtain a challenging position of decreasing responsibility and greater satisfaction for which I am uniquely qualified.

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY:

• My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
  
• Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
  
• After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
  
• Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
  
• Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
  
• Next, I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.
  
• My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
  
• I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience
  
• Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.
  
• I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
  
• I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
  
• So then I got a job in a Workout Center , but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
  
• After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
  
• My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

ON SECOND THOUGHT, FORGET ABOUT THE RESUME. I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

Richard