05-07-2006, 14:42
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#1
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 3,045
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English Analogies
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit
their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high
school essays.These excerpts are published each year to the
amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's
winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4 She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She ha d a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the
East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, eith er,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
__________________
"Are you listening or just waiting to talk?"
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
"Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing."
Optimus Prime
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Kyobanim is offline
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05-07-2006, 15:18
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#2
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: LA
Posts: 1,653
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Bwaaaaa!
__________________
Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon and he made his web gear. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home.
He knows only The Cause.
Still want to quit?
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NousDefionsDoc is offline
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05-07-2006, 16:08
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#3
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: America, the Beautiful
Posts: 3,193
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"10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup."
Gonna have to try this one...the hefty bag of soup that is, not McBride. 
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Warrior-Mentor is offline
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05-07-2006, 16:39
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#4
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Free Pineland
Posts: 24,827
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Warrior-Mentor
"10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup."
Gonna have to try this one...the hefty bag of soup that is, not McBride.
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Sounds like the write up on a student accident report.
TR
__________________
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - President Theodore Roosevelt, 1910
De Oppresso Liber 01/20/2025
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The Reaper is offline
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05-07-2006, 19:04
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#5
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vermont
Posts: 342
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Oh, that was great! I laughed out loud at half a dozen of those.
Thank you, Kyo.
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Cincinnatus is offline
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05-07-2006, 19:12
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#6
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Guest
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Read it a few hours ago, thought about it a few minutes ago, am going to read it again now before going to bed, am sure I will laugh equally hard again! 
Thanks for sharing!
Martin
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05-07-2006, 19:13
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#7
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Area Commander
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7,134
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Hysterical, thanks for the laugh Kyo!
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My Heroes wear camouflage.
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Gypsy is offline
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05-07-2006, 20:36
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#8
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Area Commander
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,403
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ROTFLMAO!
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mugwump is offline
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05-07-2006, 20:40
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#9
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Area Commander
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: The Black Hills of SD
Posts: 5,944
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Hummmmm.....I've got an idea for a new thread for the "Gourmet Guerilla"
Quote:
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.
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Non Sibi Sed Suis
_____________________________________________
It's Good To Be Da King !!!! Just ask NDD !!!!
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Sdiver is offline
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05-07-2006, 23:25
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#10
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Hornet Nest Poker
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 272
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Partial to number 2, if only because the author said, "Underpants".
C'mon - we all know he meant tighty-whiteys.
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-------------------------------------------------------
an ounce of perception... a pound of obscure
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Pandora is offline
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05-08-2006, 05:01
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#11
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: North Texas, I can see OK from here!
Posts: 2,077
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Quote:
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.
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Oh you mean this is not a common practice in most families?  Watch out kids, Daddy has the cordless drill again!
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SF18C is offline
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05-08-2006, 05:34
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#12
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The state that can't count it's ballots.
Posts: 429
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Quote:
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
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What a hog slayer.
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"Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me".
-Isaiah 6:8
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Spartan359 is offline
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05-08-2006, 20:56
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#13
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The Machinist
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Springfield Oregon
Posts: 172
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23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
I didn't know my town had any ballerina's but this is proof that we might.
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Teach them politics and war so their sons may study medicine and mathematics in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music and architecture.
--John Adams
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gunnerjohn is offline
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