Understanding Engineers

HOLLiS · 08-29-2005, 14:54

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike."
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said
"Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting
for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Let's have a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group
ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad.
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

"The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed
time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?", the others said.

"Yeah" he said, "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the lab and get some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and
returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back
into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

**Roguish Lawyer** · 08-29-2005, 18:07

LOL -- does this apply to redneck engineers too?

lrd · 08-29-2005, 18:13

Thanks! I can use these...with one correction to Take Five:

Quote:

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "How can I keep it working?"

08-29-2005, 20:18

Now HOLLiS,

That is not the least bit funny !!!!

Hrumph!

FrontSight

HOLLiS · 08-29-2005, 20:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrontSight

Now HOLLiS,

That is not the least bit funny !!!!

Hrumph!

FrontSight

Yes Mam, your are right Mam. I swear I am innocent, my evil half did it in my name.

**Ambush Master** · 08-29-2005, 20:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrontSight

Now HOLLiS,

That is not the least bit funny !!!!

Hrumph!

FrontSight

JEESH !!!! Ms FS, did you lose track of WHAT Web-site you were in (Baby Oil free zone !!) ?!?!?!

HOLLiS, Exceptionally fine examples !!!!

Later
Martin

Maisy · 08-29-2005, 22:49

Ah, Engineering jokes, now I know I'm home...

-----------------------------------------------------
A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
-------------------------------------------------------
A start-up engineer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.
------------------------------------------------------
How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.

How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.

and finally, my favourite (because I did electrical engineering at uni) -

How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard. *yeah*

-------------------------------------------------------

Now, just for FrontSight and all us girly types:

Female Engineers...
File their nails with a Leatherman.

Make jewelry out of wire, resistors, transistors, and chips.

Don't think of male engineers as dorks.

Refer to impotence as system failure.

Would rather discuss the strength of a bridge than the strength of their relationship.

Know why a Dickies purse is cool.

Think tools are romantic gifts.

Have thought about re-engineering a bra.

Have tried to make a bra out of duct tape.

Read Popular Mechanics instead of Cosmo for fashion tips.

Are the only ones smart enough to enter into a field that is 95% male.

Have used nail polish remover for more than just removing nail polish.

Know the value of hairspray's flammable properties.

08-30-2005, 00:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by HOLLiS

Yes Mam, your are right Mam. I swear I am innocent,

Not !!!

Mr. Harsey is the only innocent one on this entire board!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambush Master

JEESH !!!! Ms FS, did you lose track of WHAT Web-site you were in (Baby Oil free zone !!) ?!?!?!

Oh. That's right. No baby oil.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maisy

Now, just for FrontSight and all us girly types:

Female Engineers...
File their nails with a Leatherman.

With their knife grinders (belt sanders!) It can solve any nail crisis. Fingers get a little hot though...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maisy

Have thought about re-engineering a bra.

Check !!!

FrontSight

**Bill Harsey** · 08-30-2005, 07:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrontSight

Not !!!

Mr. Harsey is the only innocent one on this entire board!

With their knife grinders (belt sanders!)

If I'm the innocent one around here that's just scary.

Some pre-knifemaking 101:
a belt grinder is designed and used for grinding steel, a belt sander is designed and used for sanding wood.

Please choose which one you make knives with.

2 XX's here with electrical engineering backgrounds?

08-30-2005, 08:27

Mr. Harsey!

I have both

(just as a way to woo XYs )

FrontSight

Maisy · 08-30-2005, 18:16

Quote:

2 XX's here with electrical engineering backgrounds?

Yep.

My OH is an I.T. contractor, his brother is an electrical engineer (went to uni with him), and our male friends include lots of programmers, a mechanical engineer and a retired engineer who built power stations.

I have more male friends than female, and most of them are either engineers or programmers!

What can I say, they're the only ones who appreciate my humour!

(and they play a mean game of pool.)

Maas · 08-30-2005, 19:03

Still bashing Engineers? bah!

Classic redirect ...

I think we should be bashing LEGS!

Maisy · 08-30-2005, 19:30

Quote:

Still bashing Engineers?

LOL, I didn't see this as BASHING engineers, I saw it as EXPLAINING us!

aricbcool · 08-30-2005, 19:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maisy

LOL, I didn't see this as BASHING engineers, I saw it as EXPLAINING us!

Amen.

I want a talking frog too.

--Aric