Funny things kids say

Squidly · 05-17-2005, 05:26

A number of elementary schools were doing a project on the ocean. The children were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments.

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of it's head. (Billy age 6)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 7)

I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 8)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we hid in the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy friend. It was fun. (Lauren age 7)

When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors. (Valerie age 6)

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)

Radar Rider · 05-17-2005, 05:53

Those made for a good morning time laugh!

jbour13 · 05-17-2005, 06:40

Billy's comment on dolphins almost made me spit out the spoonfull of cheerios I had in my mouth.

Thanks for sharing.

Stargazer · 05-17-2005, 09:18

Squidly -- thank you for the GREAT post!!! Kids always have/will "say the darndest things"... LOL!!!

ah hahahaaa!!!

Sdiver · 05-17-2005, 09:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squidly

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

That's why I always have a Female dive buddy.

jbour13 · 05-17-2005, 10:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sdiver

That's why I always have a Female dive buddy.

Easy now!!!

Squidly · 05-17-2005, 10:28

A couple of weeks ago my 5 year old niece was at my house with her Grandmother when she spied my dog Oscar snoozing under the TV cabinet. Oscar has no shame and was immodestly displaying his raison d'etre.

Jalynn - "That's his ball-sack".

Me (nonplused) - Why yes it is. (Yup, she's been living with Grandpa Jim too long).

Jalynn - "He's not supposed to do that. Its nasty".

Me (explaining) - "Well Oscar is a dog. It's OK for dogs to do that. It's really a people thing".

Jalynn - "Well he shouldn't do it anyway. Its rude".

She steps over to Oscar, turns him on his side and covers the offending object with his hind leg. Oscar could care less as he doesn't smell any food on her. Boy, I hee-hawed over that when she left!

Gypsy · 05-17-2005, 11:28

I always love these list of "kids say" but this one is truly hysterical!

brewmonkey · 05-18-2005, 01:38

That dolphins comment reminds me of some people I know.

Kids are freaking funny at times. My 11 year old still has some good one on occasion but my 2 year old is full of them. Sometimes they are doozies and the rest of the time you just have to be there for them but they tend to leave me in tears.

Shit, I am still laughing about the dolphins comment.

12B4S · 05-18-2005, 02:19

LOL, gotta wonder how that kid equated the Dolphin blowhole like that.

Once in awhile, while surfin cable, I run across episodes of Art Linkletter's old show from the 50's... 'Kids say the darndest things', it never gets old.

Squidly · 05-18-2005, 05:47

Didn't know Art Linkletter had re-runs televised. My daughter likes to watch the old programming on Nostalgia or one of the other like channels. The only show she likes is the Flip Wilson Show. That and Leave it to Beaver. The rest of them cause her to roll her eyes. "I can't believe you guys thought that was funny".

12B4S · 05-18-2005, 22:46

I may have seen them on Specials or Documentary type stuff. One place was on a remake hosted by Bill Cosby. You mean your daughter doesn't like Flash Gordon?

Squidly · 05-19-2005, 08:47

If it's black and white it doesn't rate a second glance although she did watch "All Quiet on the Western Front" with me.

There was a program on early Saturday mornings named "Mystery Science Theater 3000" that would take old "B" horror movies and trash them. That she would watch. Actually a pretty funny show.

aricbcool · 05-19-2005, 18:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squidly

If it's black and white it doesn't rate a second glance although she did watch "All Quiet on the Western Front" with me.

There was a program on early Saturday mornings named "Mystery Science Theater 3000" that would take old "B" horror movies and trash them. That she would watch. Actually a pretty funny show.

MST3K is a very funny show. The skits in-between get kind of dumb, but the stuff they say during the movie is hilarious.

I wonder if they broadcast reruns.

--Aric

Squidly · 05-20-2005, 08:19

They used to be aired on the Comedy and Sci Fi channels. According to TV Tome the last showing was January 2004. Too bad