Worst Coffee You've Ever Had!

**Bill Harsey** · 06-29-2004, 20:49

What's the worst coffee you've ever had? Where?

**The Reaper** · 06-29-2004, 21:00

Quote:

Originally posted by Bill Harsey
What's the worst coffee you've ever had? Where?

Late night at a police department back in '78 or so.

We were desperate (small town, all stores closed), so I broke open an Accessory Pouch from a 14 year old C Ration for the Coffee, Instant; Creamer, Dry; and Sugar, and used hot water from the tap.

The other guy took a sip and retched. Wouldn't drink any more, so I opened the B-2 Unit with my P-38 and made mocha with the addition of the Powder, Beverage, Cocoa packet, finished it off myself.

Offered him a mini-pack of Viceroys (or was it Chesterfields?) to go with it, but he declared his Army Training was over.

He was lucky. If I had only had a can of Cake, Chocolate, I could have dehydrated him with one bite and forced him to drink the coffee or shrivel like a prune as he dried out.

TR

**Bill Harsey** · 06-29-2004, 21:09

Worst coffee I've ever had was some I made myself. We were logging on the southern Oregon coast mountain range. It was wet, muddy and steep. To save money we camped out near the job. While still dark one morning I got up and figured out that in the haste to get cold beer in town last night I'd forgotten the coffee filters. It was cold, raining and the next 9 hours logging was going to really suck. I wasn't going to start without coffee. I figured out that my liner socks looked pretty close to a coffee filter. We always wore white socks under the wool ones to keep blisters down. When I use the term white, that's how they looked in the store, a long time ago. I got in the duffel and found a pair that looked clean, filled the half the sock with coffee and had my partner stretch the top wide open while I carefully poured the boiling water between his hands. This was high speed coffee! It took about 6 seconds to fill the tin pot and it was colored dark. I have no idea the smell of dirty socks could transmit so well into a cup of coffee. My buddy spit his out. It was going to be a long day, I finished mine.

**The Reaper** · 06-29-2004, 21:14

Quote:

Originally posted by Bill Harsey
Worst coffee I've ever had was some I made myself. We were logging on the southern Oregon coast mountain range. It was wet, muddy and steep. To save money we camped out near the job. While still dark one morning I got up and figured out that in the haste to get cold beer in town last night I'd forgotten the coffee filters. It was cold, raining and the next 9 hours logging was going to really suck. I wasn't going to start without coffee. I figured out that my liner socks looked pretty close to a coffee filter. We always wore white socks under the wool ones to keep blisters down. When I use the term white, that's how they looked in the store, a long time ago. I got in the duffel and found a pair that looked clean, filled the half the sock with coffee and had my partner stretch the top wide open while I carefully poured the boiling water between his hands. This was high speed coffee! It took about 6 seconds to fill the tin pot and it was colored dark. I have no idea the smell of dirty socks could transmit so well into a cup of coffee. My buddy spit his out. It was going to be a long day, I finished mine.

Well, they were YOUR socks, right?

TR

**Bill Harsey** · 06-29-2004, 21:27

Yep.

ktek01 · 06-30-2004, 04:17

Gave up on coffee here a month ago, hard time convincing these people that "Nescafe" is NOT coffee. I have however found that if you take half of a .65 liter bottle of water, add 4 MRE coffee packs, 5 or 6 sugar packs, 5 or 6 creamer packs, shake well, put back in freezer, take out an hour later and shake again. You end up with a halfway decent frozen frappuccino.

Radar Rider · 06-30-2004, 04:52

The worst coffee I ever had was at a Starbucks in Tacoma. I don't want no flavored crap, I don't want to add flavors. I just want a damn cup of coffee! My dissappointment at not being able to get regular damn coffee probably affects my perception of the worst cup of coffee ever. I tried to fit in, adding SHIT to my crappaciuno; it sucked!

Guy · 06-30-2004, 06:18

Quote:

Originally posted by Radar Rider
The worst coffee I ever had was at a Starbucks in Tacoma. I don't want no flavored crap, I don't want to add flavors. I just want a damn cup of coffee! My dissappointment at not being able to get regular damn coffee probably affects my perception of the worst cup of coffee ever. I tried to fit in, adding SHIT to my crappaciuno; it sucked!

I don't even think they sell regular coffee out here! It wasn't bad coffee that I had at one time, it was a .....

NON-FAT-CHAI-TEA-LATTE.

Lipton tea suits me just fine.

Solid · 06-30-2004, 06:24

I made myself a fine coffee when my sister and 2 year old nephew were visiting. I was going to read outside, so I set the coffee down on the deck near my chair and went to grab my book. I came back, sat down, and took a long slurp of my coffee.
HURK!
Turns out that my nephew had put his playdo and lego in it before knocking it over... My loving sister scooped as much of the coffee as possible back into the cup, cleaned the deck, and left the cup where I had put it...

Not a good taste; she claims it was an accident.

Solid

Sacamuelas · 06-30-2004, 06:54

I would have to refer back to my staying up late days to cram human gross anatomy into my head before a lab practical.

Take a pot of coffee made a 3:00pm. Allow to sit and simmer until reduced to half its original volume while studying. At 6:00pm, put coffee into microwave and get boiling hot andthen pour coffee into thermos(may have to vibrate to get it to pour fluidly into container due to high viscosity). Goto lab and perform elbow deep "studying" inside multiple (deceased) human bodies reviewing intestinal anatomy, pelvic anatomy, etc for 6 hours...
After thoroughly saturating your hand/forearm skin with formaldehyde and "other fluids", take the thermos and pour a cup of semi-warm/incredibly bitter/cooked down coffee into a styrofoam cup and enjoy. Fight back your gag reflex by occupying your mind with the question, " Which smells worse, the human fluid on my hands, the stinch of formaldehyde on my hands, or this nuclear strength coffee that I am drinking?"...then REpeat at 5:00am...

Ymmm......

**Jack Moroney (RIP)** · 06-30-2004, 07:17

It was one of those damp foggy mornings in the field in Korea at the end of a night operation in the fall of 78. I was the BN S-3 for the 1st 23rd Inf and had been out with the Recon Platoon folks putting them thru their paces getting ready for our upcoming deployment to the DMZ. We decided to return to the BN Trains and get some breakfast and knock out the critique while we ate chow. I was pretty beat and decided the only thing I wanted was coffee. I walked over to the mess tent, found one of those old brown mess hall coffee cups and next to the mermite container of coffee was one of those large brown bowls filled with what I thought was sugar. So I heaped a couple of teaspoons of "sugar" into my cup, ladeled out some coffee, and took a big gulp. Damnned if the sugar wasn't salt. The poor cook knew it was salt because he had just put it out there by mistake, stood in horrified silence and then yelled over, " Wait, that's salt, I screwed up!". Well you know, a guy with a SF patch on his right sleeve and the other associated badges else where has just got to maintain the honor of the SF family. With what I hope was not a forced smile, I said, "Yes, I know, but we have been out humping the yamas all night and we need to get our salt level back up." Funny thing though, after that episode never heard anyone else snivel about the training being too hard.

Jack Moroney

Footmobile · 06-30-2004, 10:27

UN Headquarters in Baghdad last April. After we cleared out the riff raff from the various floors of the building we of course set out to find some decent chow and coffee, as we had been on a strict diet of 1 1/2 MRE's a day for the past 3 weeks. After rummaging around in the CO of UNMOVIC's office I found a can of Nescafe with the date stamped on the bottom.....1984! WTF, the head honcho of UNMOVIC couldn't swing some decent coffee? I figured what the hell, it couldn't be any worst than MRE coffee. Whipped out the MSR Pocket Rocket and brewed up. It was terrible, utterly disgusting.

Stay away from the 20 year old Nescafe.

Solid · 06-30-2004, 10:37

Woah, thanks for the advice.

DDD · 06-30-2004, 10:41

First time drinking turkish coffee and not knowing that the last half inch is grounds, nuf said......
Forgot to answer where, West Bank...

NousDefionsDoc · 06-30-2004, 11:24

Once ate the coffee out of C-Rats and washed in down with water - mistake.