GROWING OLD IN ARIZONA
Mary and her friend Polly are sitting on the back porch at CaptRon's house, enjoying a sunny Sunday doing nothing.
Polly turns to Mary and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
Mary replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
Polly asks, 'What do you do about it?'
Mary replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, Polly asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'
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Three old ladies, Mary, Polly, and Carol were sitting side by side in a little park in Gilbert reminiscing. Carol recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
Polly nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece..
Mary remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
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Polly was sitting on a park bench in Sunland Village East, a Arizona Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, Polly asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'
He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'
'So, where were you all these years?'
'In prison,' he says.
'Why did they put you in prison?'
He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'
'Oh!' Polly said. 'So you're single...?!'
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Polly and a neighbor, living in Mesa , he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?'
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes.. Yes, I will!'
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?'
He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?'
He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.'
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Ron was telling his neighbor in Mesa , 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Ole Jerry shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in Tempe , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids
Big Teddy
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