Why My WIfe Won't Take Me Shopping

[afchic]

For all you FOGs out there!!!

WHY MY WIFE WON"T TAKE ME SHOPPING



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the
local Target.



Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.



1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's
carts when they weren't looking.



2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.



3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.



4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her
assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing
the company money.



5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.



6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.



7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding department to which twenty children obliged..



8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.



9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.



10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the
clerk where the antidepressants were.



11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.



12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.



13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'



14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'



And last, but not least:



15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks
passed out.

[Habu-MFFI 175]

Hey I resemble those remarks....

<*))))))>{

[olhamada]

Absolutely hilarious!!!! Thanks for a great laugh this morning!

[Dragbag036]

That is some awesome stuff. ROFLMAO, my wife thinks I'm just short of doing this myself

[Red Flag 1]

LMAO!!!!!!

Proved once again that a mouth full of PB&J sandwich will not pass out through the nose.

Should have taken him to K, Wal, u-nameit Mart; normal shopping behavior there, at least for me

RF 1

[greenberetTFS]

The real funny part of the story is that it is so true................

Big Teddy

[Bill Harsey]

afchic,
Thank you!
I like that that guy.

The other thing one "might" do with the longer funnels in the auto section is turn them around and blow them like a bugle. They have good volume and with a little practice sound like a bull elk calling.

[Red Flag 1]

Originally Posted by Bill Harsey

afchic,
Thank you!
I like that that guy.

The other thing one "might" do with the longer funnels in the auto section is turn them around and blow them like a bugle. They have good volume and with a little practice sound like a bull elk calling.

You're a sick puppy Bill.

RF 1

[Sdiver]

Originally Posted by Bill Harsey

afchic,
Thank you!
I like that that guy.

The other thing one "might" do with the longer funnels in the auto section is turn them around and blow them like a bugle. They have good volume and with a little practice sound like a bull elk calling.

Sounds like there's some REAL experience behind this statement.