Your BEST! Ass-Chewing received?

Guy · 08-04-2004, 07:05

I received one from the wife last night for missing a lunch date.

As far as the military; too numerous to count.

Civilian; I got one from a VP of a construction company I worked for, he was a retired "O". I thought that SOB was having flashbacks to Vietnam! I hadn't heard curse words like that in a while.

Former SNCOs are the worst...yes I'm talking about you TS.

NousDefionsDoc · 08-04-2004, 07:54

The Team Sergeant look. Received quite a few times, always effective. Most Moms can do it too.

QRQ 30 · 08-04-2004, 08:05

From Billy Boggs (C-Team radio supv. in Germany): "To err is human, but if you're human one more time I'm going to kick your ass!!!"

QRQ 30 · 08-04-2004, 08:09

We were sitting the teamroom talking shit about our bright, shiny new 2Lt Team Leader in Germany. The Team Sergeant called us over and said that the Lt may be young and akin to Lt. Fuzz but he was the only officer we had and we had better take care of him.

CommoGeek · 08-04-2004, 08:15

As a young SPec4 I saw the Spt CO Cdr walk out of the headshed. So I asked him if he knew what time we were having final formation. He said he'd din't know and would have to go check with the boss.

I'm thinking, "Boss? He IS the boss."

30 seconds after CPT D goes inside and here comes an IRATE 1SG who promptly and vigorously reminded me that even in SF Support we follow the CoC.

I receive a daily chewing from my wife, I think. I haven't paid any attention to her raising her voice in a few years now.

Guy · 08-04-2004, 08:48

Quote:

Originally posted by NousDefionsDoc
The Team Sergeant look. Received quite a few times, always effective. Most Moms can do it too.

I never got a verbal ass chewing from the TL/TS, they would just give me that "look" and I knew what needed to be done...ASAP!

**Kyobanim** · 08-04-2004, 10:26

Worst ass chewing for me was non-verbal. Pissed my dad off when I was 17, I took off running and he ran me down in front of all the neighbors. Didn't know he could move that fast. He just smiled at me and drug me back into the house.

**Jack Moroney (RIP)** · 08-04-2004, 12:48

Nothing used to piss me off more than having to put on demonstrations for VIPs. Most were a total waste of troops time and training time and resources. The ones I really hated were the, "my troops do more dangerous things routinely than your troops do". Every year the military creates another flock of one stars and to make them aware what other branches do they have orientation tours. They ride on subs, visit other sites, etc. They always came to SWC and the demonstration of the day was a door kicking exercise where the one stars would stand on a platform over looking the shooting house and down on a live hostage and an array of targets representing the bad guys. So, just to make a point, I made myself the hostage and while waiting for the one stars to show up I found a 5.56 slug, popped it in my mouth because I just knew what the reaction was going to be from my boss and waited for the show to begin. Well the door blew, the boys did their thing putting holes in all the right places and "rescued me". When my boss (a one star that will go un-named here but will provide it back channel if you are that curious) realized I was the hostage he came storming up to me, chewed my ass out unmercifully because "officers just do not put themselves at risk" to which I replied that unlike some of my contemporaries I liked to lead from the front and not push from the rear which sort of raised the tempo a little more. He was about to finish my lunch when two one stars came sauntering over. One was a guy I had know as a BN Cdr when I captured his CP one night in a air assault we were "not authorized" to do and the other was marine. The former Bn Cdr slapped me on the back and said, "Well I see you are up to your old tricks, Jack" and the Marine saluted me and said, "Damn, now that is what we expect of our Marines leading by example and being in the forefront". Well my boss's tone changed and he started his line o'crap about that is what we expect of our group commanders. Then to smooth things over, as his boss walked up, said, "The shooting looked pretty close, how did they do?" Well damn, I just could not let it pass, so I spit the 5.56 slug out in my hand and said, "Good as usual, but last one was a little close". Now the boss got all upset, thought I had taken one in the chops and really embarrassed himself by starting to call for a medic when everyone else started to laugh. Soooooooo, got an ass chewing that actually started out nasty but wound up making the chewee look good and the chewer look like an ass. Doesn't get any better than that.

Jack Moroney

**Roguish Lawyer** · 08-04-2004, 17:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Jack Moroney
Doesn't get any better than that.

No, sir, I suspect not.

Then again, perhaps someone would like to try?

HUMBLE · 08-04-2004, 20:21

..

Pandora · 08-04-2004, 22:14

I wasn't on the receiving end, but I witnessed one in the civvie world I still think of to this day and cringe.

When I went back to university to get my degree as an adult, I held down 2 waitressing jobs to make ends meet and use the slow times to study while pretending to fold napkins. Mostly, it was a lot of fun and an excellent way to sharpen communication skills with people from all walks of life and with varied interests.

OTOH, we had this gorgeous, intelligent chica with no people skills as a manager at the one restaurant, whose primary goal in life was to marry "up," thereby ending her chosen "career".

Anyway, I was there one day when she fired this new little waitress and the words resound in my head to this day, "You're not only a crummy waitress, you're a poor excuse for a human being!"

Just junk-yard dog MEAN.

I've never lost the image of that little kiddo's face (who was trying to support her son by herself and was a sweetheart to customers) break into tears brought on by a self-proclaimed tyrant in her own little sphere of influence. (World politics in a nutshell?)

Firing someone is one thing - degrading them like that on a very personal level (in that specific venue) is just plain evil. It served no constructive purpose.

Bravo1-3 · 08-05-2004, 01:32

Both world class ass chewings (at least the 2 worst that were directed at me/us, and I haven't repressed) were in the PI.

Col. John Guy paid our detachment a little visit in 1989 and gave one of the mot motivational speeches I've ever heard. He then called Sgt. Maj Johns over with the customary "Take charge, carry out the plan of the day".

The Colonel then headed for the quarterdeck, with the Sgt. Major standing in front of us,watching him until he was inside the first doors, and out of ear shot.

"Stand at ease,

THE COLONELS YANKING YOUR FUCKING CHAINS! YOU'RE ALL FUCKED UP! EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU! Capas has the worst performance of any detachment in this command, and it's all of your fault from the lowest Private right on up to you SOG's! You shitheads better get unfucked, most quickly, or every fucking one of you is going to be a second award PF-fucking-C."

One of our SNCO's was replaced, but we never did hear about what the Sgt. Major was on about.

#2 After getting into a scrap in Angeles City and getting hauled in by the Shore Patrol. Next morning I'm standing in front of the 1st Sgt, who is obviously pleased that one of his NCO's got hauled in for fighting.

"Corporal, do yu know what this piece of paper is?"
"No 1st Sgt!"
"This is the Police Blotter for the Navy, Marine Corps, and Air Force on the entire island. Usually, it's three or four pages, but this one is only one page long. Do you know how many names are usually on the blotter?"
"No 1st Sgt"
"Usually, there's 10 per page. Do you know how many names are on this list right now Corporal?"
"10 1st Sgt?"
"Try again"
"5 1st Sgt?"
"Smaller"
"Two 1st Sgt?"
"That's right Corporal, two names! Do you know those names?"
"1st Sgt, I'm one of them, I don't know the name of the person I was fighting with."
"THAT'S RIGHT CORPORAL! YOURS IS ONE OF THEM! CONGRATULATIONS! You're not just ON the blotter, YOU ARE THE BLOTTER!"
I was on his shit list for at least a month, and I deserved it. And I learned from it. The next fight I got into, I made damn good and sure I had an alternate egress route as a fall back.

Huey14 · 08-05-2004, 04:26

I had a real doozy from the RSO at the Embassy once.

Wow, that was fun.

**Roguish Lawyer** · 08-05-2004, 19:34

Maybe we need to include ass-chewings given out as well?

**Kyobanim** · 08-05-2004, 19:36

Quote:

Originally posted by Roguish Lawyer
Maybe we need to include ass-chewings given out as well?

Or stories that deserved an ass chewing but never materialized