I want a divorce

HMass18Z · 03-01-2009, 09:49

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the
whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a
divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of
future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our
two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is
right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile; slate it up
to irreconcilable differences, and go on our own ways.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
landmass each taking a portion. We would gladly take every county that went
red in the last election and you could have the blue counties but you would
be left with only 15% of America so we will probably have to work something
else out.

After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have
such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so
you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the
cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and
Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel
vehicle big enough to move them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your
beloved homeless, home boys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the
hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles
and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and
we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can
have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are
under assault, we'll provide them job security..

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to
Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. But
we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks,
and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volvo, Toyota Prius, and
Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any
practicing Doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your
turf (sic). We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a
right.

We'll keep 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic' and the
National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, 'I'd Like
to Teach The World To Sing', 'Kum Ba Ya', or 'We Are the World'.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give
trickle up poverty its best shot.

Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our
Name, and our Flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to
other like minded patriots, and if you do not agree just hit delete and hang
on.

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on
who will need whose help in 15 years..

Saoirse · 03-01-2009, 12:35

This is GOOD!!! Thanks HM for sharing it. Makes me want a "divorce" now too. Too bad we can't get one. While its funny in some regards, its so so true!!

Slade · 03-01-2009, 12:54

Excellent Post!

**Peregrino** · 03-01-2009, 13:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by HMass18Z

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

HMass18Z - We need an attribution for this one! You found it, you get to look it up. The original author deserves recognition; it's way too good not to give credit where it's due.

**Roguish Lawyer** · 03-01-2009, 13:57

LMAO

HMass18Z · 03-01-2009, 15:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peregrino

HMass18Z - We need an attribution for this one! You found it, you get to look it up. The original author deserves recognition; it's way too good not to give credit where it's due.

The credit goes to ~~~~~

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

Rogue · 03-01-2009, 15:20

VERY VERY GOOD!!!

Gypsy · 03-01-2009, 15:25

Good one! I, too, want a divorce.

Do I have to give back the ring?

**Peregrino** · 03-01-2009, 16:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy

Do I have to give back the ring?

You initiate, you're supposed to give it back. Before you get all sentimental though, you might want to get an appraisal. I think it's a CZ set in 10 kt. All flash, no substance, and not something a lady would want on her finger anyway.

Gypsy · 03-01-2009, 18:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peregrino

You initiate, you're supposed to give it back. Before you get all sentimental though, you might want to get an appraisal. I think it's a CZ set in 10 kt. All flash, no substance, and not something a lady would want on her finger anyway.

Agree.

Oh, you missed a previous post of mine here somewhere...I think an excellent quality CZ set in gold is much a smarter purchase than spending gazillions on a diamond. But I'm weird that way.

Saoirse · 03-01-2009, 22:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peregrino

You initiate, you're supposed to give it back. Before you get all sentimental though, you might want to get an appraisal. I think it's a CZ set in 10 kt. All flash, no substance, and not something a lady would want on her finger anyway.

Peregrino....
I thought it was the silver colored plastic ring with the plastic yellow diamond from the bubblegum machine.

frostfire · 03-02-2009, 10:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by HMass18Z

The credit goes to ~~~~~

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda

Fiercely Loyal · 03-03-2009, 06:50

I like this alot. Infact I printed it off so I can post it in our work area.

Electron · 03-03-2009, 10:36

Don't forget that we will keep "In God We Trust" on our money, what they want to put on their money in their Godless society is up to them.