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New Diet
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Daisy, my wonder
dog, at Wal-Mart and was in the check out line. A woman behind me asked if I
had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired, with
little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that
I was starting the Purina Diet again. I probably shouldn't, I continued,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. I awoke in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
However, I did lose 40 pounds on the diet, so I was giving it another go.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is you load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete and I
needed to lose a few more pounds. (I have to mention here that practically
everyone in t he line was, by now, enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, this woman asked if I ended up in intensive care because I'd been
poisoned by the dog food. I told her no, it happened because I stepped off a
curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit both of us.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
__________________
Teach them politics and war so their sons may study medicine and mathematics in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music and architecture.
--John Adams
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