SJ - Maybe the threat of "one up the A**" is what you need to kick in the next level of stress.
Seriously, this is one of the issues I'm working on for TR. The short answer (not mine - remember, there's no such thing as an original thought - especially in this line of work) is: "We train to overcome - not to enhance - instinct". Check out the book "Training at the Speed of Life" by Kenneth R. Murray, available from
http://www.armiger.net. It's a good discussion of reality based training. TR loaned me his copy and I've been browsing it as time permits. Additionally, the book and website both have quality lists of other books that will aid you in your never-ending quest "young Jedi" (yes - very tongue in cheek).
Most training providers/programs say the same things, the issue is "which flavor gets the message across to you the best". Force on force training with marking cartridges is the only non-lethal labratory where you can BEGIN to explore efficacy of principles and tactics. Probably preaching to the choir but please do not confuse gaming (paintball) with training. Quality training (and a good team) will make you a better paintballer but being a good paintballer does not mean you have what it takes to survive a lethal encounter. Issues like "cover for paintball/MILES is not necessarilly cover for bullets" among other deficiencies in that training model. Another critical and often overlooked factor is "training scars" - bad habits imprinted during training that can get you killed in the real world. Just some of the stuff you will wind up exploring as you find the answers to your question. Note - "as you find the answers". Anybody can point you in a direction - only you can make the answers your own. FWIW - Peregrino