If you can't beat 'em, buy 'em!
U.S.—The Babylon Bee has been the world's best satire site for thousands of years, spawning dozens of secular knock-offs that just aren't quite as good.
The Bee announced a new acquisition this week, one that immediately made it the largest satirical site on the planet: a purchase of competing satire outlet CNN for $12 billion. The move more than quadrupled the site's catalog of hilarious, satirical articles.
"We've long admired CNN's ability to parody leftist media organizations so effortlessly, and we're thrilled to have them under The Babylon Bee's umbrella," said site CEO Seth Dillon. "When you can't compete with hilarious satire like CNN, you obviously look for ways to get them on your team, and an acquisition seemed to make the most sense."
The new conglomerate organization will be called BNN. CNN writers and hosts will be instructed to simply keep doing what they're doing.
"We don't want them to change anything since you don't try to fix satirical content that's already incredible," Dillon said. "They'll just keep churning out incredibly skewed content in order to satirize the leftist media's inability to report anything without bias or prejudice."
Brian Stelter will produce satirical videos for The Babylon Bee, moving the site into the realm of video content for the first time. Again, though, his show's content will remain unchanged.
CNN will also benefit, as their content will now be clearly labeled satire, protecting them from getting sued to high heaven for their skewed coverage.
Site founder Adam Ford was against the move, but nobody listens to him anymore.