[Airbornelawyer]

The amount of text you can put in your signature is limited, so I had to truncate the Chewbacca Defense, one of the most famous and devastating legal strategems in the history of jurisprudence.

Here, in Quicktime movie format, is the video of the Chewbacca Defense: http://images.southparkstudios.com/m..._chewbacca.mov

Here, in Windows AV format, is the audio version: http://images.southparkstudios.com/m..._chewbacca.wav

And the full defense:

Reporter: And so, on this fifteenth day of what is considered to be the most important trial of the …day, Johnny Cochran has appeared to defend Capitalist Records. The question now is, will Cochran use his famous "Chewbacca" defense?

Cartman: What's a Chewbacca defense?

Kyle :I don't know.

Stan: That's what Cochran used in the O.J. Simpson trial.

Cartman: God-damned, I hate that Cochran guy. If he was here in front of me, I'd be like, "Ay! You stupid son of a bitch, you d-. I b-. I'ma I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!"

Kyle: I'm sure that would scare the hell out of him, Cartman.

Gerald (Chef;s lawyer): And so, in summation, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you've heard the version of my client's song recorded over twenty years ago. You've heard the EXACT SAME song produced by these cheats in the past month. I'd say it's pretty much an open-and-shut case. Make the right decision. Thank you.

[Gerald goes back to his table and tells Chef] I've got 'em.

Judge Moses: Mr. Johnny Cochran, your closing arguments.

Cochran: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself. But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one, final, thing I want you to consider. [walks to a display stand and pulls down a screen] Ladies and gentleman, this is Chew-bacca. Chewbacca is a Wookie from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca… LIVES …on the planet Endor. Now think about that. That does NOT MAKE SENSE.

Gerald: Damn it!

Chef: What?

Gerald: He's using the Chewbacca defense!

Cochran: Why would a Wookie, an eight-foot tall Wookie, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does NOT MAKE SENSE! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does NOT MAKE SENSE! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does NOT MAKE SENSE! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.