[ProudGSMom]

Late last night, I was feeling pretty low after that interview. I had been so excited to get the message out. In over one hour of conversation, I was feeling pretty pleased with myself that I had indeed said all I had wanted to. I'm not completely naïve and knew it would be edited, probably down to a minute or two, but felt there were several good sound bytes from which to choose.

When I finally saw the interview, I was furious. And feeling pretty stupid. And I was very concerned how my GS's would feel, as what aired was all about me.

This was never about me, only in so far as I am a GS and I and the women I quoted belong to the very small subset of those who also lost their only child. I literally went to bed thinking I'm going to get crucified, or at the very least, will need to apologize. A lot. To my GS's. To all the veterans and AD on whose behalf I had dared to speak.

And, I was very embarrassed and concerned about the reaction here.

I am a newcomer, and you all have been so very gracious to allow me the privilege of being here. To read, to learn and even occasionally throw my two cents in. I even dared to come here, seeking advice from a group I hold in the highest esteem. Then I felt I was portrayed as just as another weeping idiot. No, I didn't cry. I don't. At least not in public and never, ever in front of a camera. To me, there are few things more obscene than sticking a camera in the face of a grieving mother. I at least had that one small victory, not crying when the reporter tried to elicit a few tears by asking pointed questions about how I feel, losing my only child, etc. Ask any who know me, I do not, will not share my grief for ratings, for publicity, for the ghoulishly curious.

I cannot begin to describe how humbled I have been, reading all of your responses, your words and messages of support. And once again, I've learned something from all of you.

I now see if not the point, then at least the value of last night's broadcast. While this is about so much more than the feelings of one, or even a couple, GS moms, putting it out that way shows the human toll of this entire situation. I have to admit that the response I have received from the GS community and just about everywhere else has been overwhelming positive as well, and much in the same vein as you all have expressed here.

Tomorrow, I am hoping to have the opportunity to do a live radio interview. I am still working out the details, but I can be sure I will be able to control the message and put the focus where I intended. In other words, not on me. Once it is confirmed, I will post the details.

For me, the focus was and needs to be on the 99.9% of those who wore or wear the uniform with honor. Those who would rather cut out their own tongue rather than dishonor a fallen brother or a veteran who served honorably. The focus also is about the failure in the chain of command, that allows and even nurtures the kinds of behavior displayed by this one soldier and her NCO. The focus also needs to be on the PEC, on what is going on there, their failures in command that allow soldiers in training for one of the most sacred duties a soldier can perform to disrespect their uniform, their service, all who have gone before them and their flag.

That is in essence what I said last night, and what I hope to have the opportunity to say tomorrow on the radio. But tonight, I will sleep comfortably. Because by your kindness and support, you have shown me that sometimes, it is okay for something to be about the pain of a GS mom.

Warmest regards,
Denise

PS - I can nearly literally hear my son telling me, "You know, you're not superman and you don't have to be. Besides, you don't look so good anymore in a skin suit. No offense". When he was about 7 years old after I had gained some weight, he actually said to me "Mom, what happened? You used to be buff?". There after, it became a running joke. As in, he'd say it and then run. Yeah, I loved the brat.