[Dusty]

Originally Posted by Abrazadereas

I know that I suck. I still drop things sometimes or forget and that is unacceptable - until I have matured to the point that I am always paying close attention 100% of the time I am nowhere near the level that I'd need to be at. I repulse myself sometimes too, but I don't stop adjusting according to what I learn.

I want a house in the hills and a garden, with a wife, and a son that has a father he can be proud of like I never did. Perhaps I was not born with the caliber needed to do what you do. We'll find out. In any case I will serve in the capacity that I am capable of. I have in my life been very confused at times. Completely clueless even. I've screwed up at times. Qualifying my psychological and physiological capacity would only be desperate until I have been tried and tested. I see that there are those that determine they must grow up and those that avoid the fact until the day they die. I'll grow up. A place amongst men with standards as exacting as yours is my goal, honestly, what other goal is worthy of the one life I know I have to live? What kind of man would avoid placing himself at risk of severe discomfort, injury, death, and even worse, personal failure, when the fact is that he has to live with himself and nothing will ever hurt worse then the sense of not having achieved his potential? How can a man live with himself knowing that some people go to bat for others, and he didn't - though he could have and it was his duty? like I said. I will contribute as I am capable.

Big words, I know. Meaning nothing. It's for actions to mean things. I apologize for setting you guys off by speaking in colloquialism, it's a habit I picked up from reading lots of Mark Twain and etcetera. I know exactly how such presentation must look to you and I had had quite a bit too much to drink on my first day off in a long while. It's no excuse. I should have kept in mind how it would look to you and how little tolerance exists in this situation for such a thing.

I don't expect a hug now. I just wanted to say what I think ought to have been said. It's not a defense. If I am incorrect, I'll eat more sh*t so I learn.

Baby steps.