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This is an important and timely topic. Let's keep it rolling.
THE RETROSEXUAL MAN AS HOMEOWNER, FATHER, HUSBAND
When the retrosexual man's kids are misbehaving he calls them on it right then and there and gets it stopped right quick. When this occurs in public he might take a look around and see some folks looking on in approval (sadly they tend to be much older than he) and others boggling in disbelief (sadly these people tend to be his age and holding "messenger bags").
The retrosexual man always has cash on his person.
The retrosexual man never hides what he is drinking. It's never "Daddy's soda" or a "Grown-up drink". It's a beer. Or a Whiskey. It's never "I've to to run to the store for something". It's "I've got to run to the store to get more beer".
The retrosexual man typically wears shoes while inside the house. This is mostly because when he has to defend his home from an invader he does not want to kick the intruder's ass while wearing just socks on his feet. While visiting the home of someone who wants shoes removed at the doorway he may not comply for the same reasons as above. Obviously somebody has to be prepared to take care of business.
When the neighbor kid's Dad has neglected to teach his son how to throw a football the retrosexual man takes care of it.
The retrosexual man cooks his family a nice big breakfast on weekend mornings. In this way he spoils his kids and also his wife who by the way needs to replenish some of the calories she burned last night with him.
When the retrosexual man's kid comes home from school complaining of being bullied he immediately says "you don't have to take that" and provides some tips on how to get the most hits in on the bully. When the wife pipes up about this kind of behavior bringing on trouble from the school administrators the retrosexual man says that is bullst and that he will stand behind his kid 100% and if the administrators give him any grief he will demonstrate those moves on them.
The retrosexual man is within his bounds to call his wife at any time and let her know that he wants some tonight. This type of phone call is not a discussion BTW.
By the time he has lived in the same place for 5 years a retrosexual man will know most of his neighbors by name because by then he has helped them push cars out of ditches, caught runaway dogs, helped move furniture, or provided first aid, etc., for all of them.
The retrosexual man will pull over and ask the stranded motorist if he needs help no matter the time or place.
The retrosexual man will tell the his one neighbor's kids to stay out of the other neighbor's yard even if neither of those neighbors have the balls to say so themselves.
The retrosexual man will use profanity like an artist uses paints on a canvas. He will (by example) teach all around him the beauty and necessity of words like motherfer when they are used in the appropriate context.
It is the responsibility of the retrosexual man to show others how a strike from the side of the hand is all that is necessary to fix many problems with common household electrical items. When this tactic fails he will then disassemble said object and (if possible) fix it with his own hands.
The retrosexual man lends more than he borrows.
The retrosexual man's favorite shirt is whatever he finds first when he opens the closet door.
You can generally tell a retrosexual man by the way animals (especially dogs) seem to be drawn to him. This isn't by coincidence.
The retrosexual man offers his guests a beer no matter the occasion.
By virtue of his nature, the retrosexual man is always in danger of offending people in environments such as workplace offices, PTA meetings, etc....basically anyplace where they have male and female people rather than men and women. Smart people should realize the retrosexual man is no more responsible for his offenses in this environment than a compass is responsible for its pointing north all the time.
The term "retrosexual man" is something of a redundancy.
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