[bailaviborita]

parody memo circulating today in the office:

2. Effective 1 APR 2012, the bow is the primary sign of respect to higher-ranking officers. Commanders retain the authority to prescribe the salute for special events such as parades or changes of command or responsibility.

3. Effective the day prior to 1 APR 2012, all soldiers will wear tanker boots with their ACUs. Moleskin may be added to the boots in order to camouflage them in the desert.

4. Effective the day after 1 APR 2012, all leg soldiers will blouse their blues trousers into tanker boots. Airborne personnel will continue to blouse their trousers into jump boots.

5. Effective a year after 1 APR 2012, all non-Ranger-tabbed soldiers (except for those described in #6, below), when bowing, will say "Rangers lead the way". Ranger-tabbed soldiers will not bow, but take a knee and face out, staying silent until acknowledged by the officer. If the officer does not notice the Ranger, the Ranger may, at his discretion, leap on the officer and simulate a knife slash to the throat.

6. Effective a year prior to 1 APR 2012, all non-SF-tabbed soldiers (except for those described in #5 above) will bow to superior officers, but when bowing will face towards Fort Bragg when doing so and utter underneath their breath: "De Oppresso Liber". All SF-tabbed soldiers will give the same greeting, but instead of bowing will give the motorcycle sign when passing other motorcyclists. All officers responding with, "what?" will be leapt on by the nearest Ranger-tabbed soldier with a simulated knife slash to the throat.

7. Effective a year prior to 1 APR 2013, all soldiers overseas will get a bonus every time they are fired on. Every soldier who is in theater who has not been fired on in 7 days will redeploy. Every soldier who fires back at those who fire upon them will receive a triple bonus. Every soldier who hits someone while firing back will receive a quadruple bonus. Every soldier who actually hits what they were aiming at will receive the pay of the highest-ranking officer in theater.

8. Effective yesterday, all general officers have to eat, fly, wait, sleep and travel using the same resources as soldiers do.