[The Reaper]

"Everyone should have an equal chance, but not
everyone is equal."

"I am so far down the food chain
that I've got plankton bites on my butt."

"You can get drunk enough to do most anything, but you
have to realize going in that there are some things
that, once you sober up and realize what you
have done, will lead you to either grab a 12-gauge or
stay drunk for the rest of your life."

"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get
upset when it barks." Lt Col (USSOCOM), excerpts

"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer."
MAJ (EUCOM)

"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized
scab picking."

"I can describe what
it feels like being a Staff Officer in
two words: distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)

"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of
it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)

"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed
to sheer stupidity."
LTC (CENTCOM)

"They also serve, who sit and surf the NIPR."
CPT (CENTCOM)

"I hear so much about Ft. Bragg. Where is it?"
"It's in the western part of southeastern North
Carolina."
LCDR and CPT (EUCOM)

"I've become the master of nodding my head and acting
like I give a sh!t, and then instantly forgetting what
the hell a person was saying the moment
they walk away."
Flag-level Executive A$$istant

"Mark my words, this internet thing is gonna catch on
someday."
LTC (EUCOM)

"You're not a loser. You're just not my kind of
winner..."
GS-14 (OSD)

"He who strives for the minimum rarely attains it."
GS-12 (DOS)

"I'm tired of waiting on somebody who I know is just
going to ignore me once they arrive." Lt Col (EUCOM),
while waiting to start a brief for a visiting
VIP

"If I'd had more time, I'da written a shorter
brief..."
Derived from the writings of Mark Twain

"Vision without funding is hallucination."
Maj (EUCOM)

"I work at EUCOM. I know bullsh!t when I see it."
LTC (EUCOM) in a game of office poker

"You only know as much as you don't know."
GO (EUCOM)

"I'm just livin' the dream..."
EUCOM staffer response to the question, "How's it
going?" or, "What are you doing?"

"I'm just ranting...I have nothing useful to say."
LTC (EUCOM)

"Why would an enemy want to bomb this place and end
all the confusion?"
GS-14 (EUCOM)

"How soon before we can give this guy a medal, a good
OER, and send him on his way?" GS-12 (EUCOM) referring
to his boss

"Other than the fact that there's no beer, an early
curfew and women that wear face coverings for a
reason, Kabul is really a wonderful place to
visit." LTC (CENTCOM)

"It was seen, visually."
LTC (EUCOM) during a Reconnaissance briefing

"Let me tell you about the benefits of being on a
staff..."
"This should be a short conversation."
LtCol to Lt Col (EUCOM)

"If you want to take down a country, gimme a call.
We'll get it done." GO/FO
(EUCOM) to a gathering of US Amba$$adors

"Hello gentlemen. Are we in today or are you just
ignoring my request?"
GS-15 (DSCA) in an email to EUCOM staffers

"After seeing the way this place works, I bet that
Mickey Mouse wears a EUCOM watch." Maj (EUCOM)

"Your Key Issues are so 2003..."
CPT (CJTF-180) in January 2004

"USCENTCOM commanders announced today that they intend
to maintain their presence in Qatar "until the sun
runs out of hydrogen," thus committing the
US to the longest duration deployment in human
history. When asked how they planned to maintain the
presence in Qatar for a projected length of 4 to 5
billion years, planners said "we're working on a plan
for that. We don't have one yet, but not having a plan
or an intelligent reason to do something
has never been much of an impediment for us in the
past; we don't foresee it being a big show stopper for
us in the future either."

Among the options that were being discussed was an
innovative program to "interbreed" the deployed
personnel. "We are going to actively encourage the
military members in Qatar to intermarry and raise
children that will replace them in the future. Sure,
it may be a little hard on some of our female
service members, since there currently are about 8 men
for every woman over there, but we expect that to be
OBE as the sex ratios will even out in a
generation or two. In any case the key to the plan is
to make these assignments not only permanent, but
inheritable and hereditary. For example,
if you currently work the JOC weather desk, so will
your children, and their children, and their children,
ad infinitum. We like to think of it as job
security." CPT (CJTF-180)

"That's FUBIJAR."
COL (CENTCOM), Fu--ed Up, But I'm Just a Reservist...

"As far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one that
matters in here." COL (CENTCOM)

"No matter how hard this Command beats me down, I am
still able to get it up." Maj (EUCOM)

"I keep myself confused on purpose, just in case I am
captured and fall into enemy hands!" GO/FO (CENTCOM)

"Cheese-dickery abounds at this Command."
LtCol (EUCOM)

"Does anybody around here remember if I did anything
this year?" LTC (EUCOM) preparing his Officer
Evaluation Report support form

"This is all happening because we had the sympathetic detonation of a stress grenade." Maj (EUCOM) after an insignificant issue became a theater focus because somebody used the "Reply all" function

"I'd be happy to classify this document for you. Could
you tell me its classification?" GS11 (EUCOM) in an
email from the Foreign Disclosure office

"Nothing is too good for you guys...and that's exactly
what you're gonna get..." LTC (EUCOM) describing the
way Army policy is formulated

"The only thing that sucks worse than being me is
being you..." LTC (EUCOM)

"Why should I worry? Nobody here outranks me by that
much."
MAJ (SOCEUR) briefing a group of 0-6s

"I have to know what I don't know..."
Col (CENTCOM) during a shift changeover briefing

"No. Now I'm simply confused at a higher level..."
Foreign GO/FO when asked if he had any questions
following a transformation brief at JFCOM

"I'm planning on taking the weekend
off...notionally..."
LT (EUCOM) midway through a huge, simulated command
exercise

"'Leaning forward' is really just the first phase of
'falling on your face.'"
Col (MARFOREUR)

"I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never
experienced a 'buzz sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph'
until today." Maj (EUCOM) after listening to
a JFCOM trainer/mentor

"We've got to start collaborating between the
collaboration systems." "Our plan for the Olympics is
to take all the ops and put it in the special room
we have developed for ops." GO/FO (EUCOM)

"Did you hear that they're canning Bob Edwards on
NPR?" "Why? Did they catch him standing up for the
National Anthem or something??"
COL to CDR (EUCOM)

"Not to be uncooperative, but we're just being
uncooperative." CDR (EUCOM)
in an email response to a request for information

"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt
in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." Lt
Col to GO/FO (EUCOM) in briefings

"We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the
impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much
for so long with so little, that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing." Anonymous, but classic...

"The 'L' in CENTCOM stands for leadership..."

"At this Command, we have written in large, black
letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our
security badges."
Maj (CENTCOM)

"He cloaked himself in an impenetrable veneer of
terminology." Lt Col (JFCOM) describing the Jiffiecom
alpha male

"Transformation has long been the buzzword for those
that are dispossessed, dispirited and dis
illusioned..." Chaplain (EUCOM),
allegedly talking about the Disciples...

"There are more disconnects on this issue than CENTCOM
has staff officers."
GO/FO (EUCOM)

"Is that a Navy or a Marine admiral?"
MAJ (EUCOM)