[Sdiver]

1) "It's not a bald spot. It's a solar panel for my sex machine."

2) "I know right from wrong.....wrong is the fun one."

3) "Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes."

4) "FBI.....Female Body Inspector."

5) "Money can't buy happiness....but it can buy a case of beer."

6) "I child proofed my house....but the little bastards still get in."

7) "THEY LIED !!!....hard work has killed lots of people."

8) "Gray is the new blonde."

9) "I see your point....but you're still stupid."

10) "My parents said I could become anything I want...so I became an asshole."

11) "So, a dyslexic walks into a bra."

12) "If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless."

13) Forgive your enemies...but remember their names."

14) "I'm not opinionated. I'm just always right."

15) "WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship."

16) "Success is the happy feeling you get between the time you do something and the time you tell your woman what you did."