SNOW!!!!
 

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life.


December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment
.My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the
end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.


December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.


December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.


December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it
when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.


December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.


December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of
the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I
was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for
the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is
lying.


December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she
did but I think she's damn well lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who
drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know
he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with
her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.


December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x! slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over
the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's
an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm
going to kill her.


December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all
HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.


December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving
me crazy!!!


December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could
cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?


December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million
dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9"
predicted.


December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.


January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

BMT, that was a riot! And it sounded autobiographical.

As I was reading this, I wondered if this was the progression to insanity that Jack Nicholson's character went through in "The Shining". Pretty soon, you'd be typing, "All shovel and no play makes Jack a dull boy" over and over again.

ROFLMAO. Made my day.



Bandy

P.S.: Of course, the fact that I had to shovel my driveway last night and our business' front and back parking lots this morning made it hit a little closer to home, too. (All shovel and no play makes Bandy a dull boy)

Bravo. I'm in tears...oh great now i'm going to have to explain why i'm in tears.

LMAO!:munchin

R

BMT, that was great. I lived in Duluth Minn for four years....my brother still lives there......had to seal you stuff and sent it to him....

Thanks for the laugh and fond memories...

Jim

WOW !!!!!

Bob and I were wondering what happened to this guy.....

http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/...ad.php?t=12793

;) :D

LOL! That was great! :D

Diary of a Snow Shoveler...........
 

Deleted

I was kicked back enjoying :munchin while reading your story. I am sure you enjoyed the :lifter from all the snow and where quite :eek: when the roof caved in.

Hope the rest of the winter gets better haha.

Thank you for the :D today.

SG

And....that is the reason I live in Florida...no snow!

just had to resurrect this thread since I finally can relate a bit :D

I was enjoying the pretty sight this AM. Later on I woke up and had to chisel 'bout an inch of ice to get in my car. Then I realized I had to chisel the whole car:mad: All of a sudden I remembered the thread that calls the fluffy stuff coming down from heaven as white s**** :D I love snow/ice/sleet

Nice resurect! Got home at 0130 Monday morning and between then and 0645 when I got up to go to work it had already snowed about three inches. Before it changed to freezing rain last night we had almost six inches (so much for a "non-event"). Post has been closed for two days and God alone knows what tomorrow will bring (and my workload will be that much more when I finally do get back in the office). Oh - forgot to mention - wet dogs stink. At least it's good for a laugh watching the puppy slide around on the ice. She's not heavy enough yet to reliably break through for good footing. At least there isn't any mud yet, though that is inevitable. Wonder if I can send a bill to Al Gore?

BWAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Missed this first time around, thanks for the bump.

Gotta go suit up for snow management chores:lifter: Fill-up the generators, fire up the snowblower, move the Kubota with the front-end loader up to the driveway, lube front-end loader, spray Pam on the snow shovels and snowblower augers, deploy VDOT snowplow deterrent devices (SDD), transfer funds to pay the fine for SDD use (cheaper than cost of and hassle of new mailbox), get out tire chains for wife's car, mount tire chains on wife's car so it will look nice and ready in the garage( she won't drive it in snow even with chains on), and secure enough beer to make snow management chores tolerable:D.

Don't ya just love the white stuff:rolleyes:?

RF 1

Yeah, but they waited till 0800 yesterday to close post, by which point I was already on main post and stuck in the traffic.

I swear the people who make the weather call for Bragg have their heads firmly up their asses.

TR

And have their asses firmly on their living room couches before making the call, I'd imagine.

Face Book
 

My neighbor made it in along with two others. They were told post was closed and to go home.

They gripped about not being told earlier. They were told - "It was posted on Face Book". Evidently Fort Bragg is a Face Book member.