SNOW!!!!
 

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life.


December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment
.My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the
end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.


December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.


December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.


December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it
when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.


December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.


December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of
the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I
was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for
the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is
lying.


December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she
did but I think she's damn well lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who
drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know
he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with
her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.


December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x! slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over
the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's
an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm
going to kill her.


December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all
HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.


December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving
me crazy!!!


December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could
cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?


December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million
dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9"
predicted.


December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.


January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

BMT, that was a riot! And it sounded autobiographical.

As I was reading this, I wondered if this was the progression to insanity that Jack Nicholson's character went through in "The Shining". Pretty soon, you'd be typing, "All shovel and no play makes Jack a dull boy" over and over again.

ROFLMAO. Made my day.



Bandy

P.S.: Of course, the fact that I had to shovel my driveway last night and our business' front and back parking lots this morning made it hit a little closer to home, too. (All shovel and no play makes Bandy a dull boy)

Bravo. I'm in tears...oh great now i'm going to have to explain why i'm in tears.

LMAO!:munchin

R

BMT, that was great. I lived in Duluth Minn for four years....my brother still lives there......had to seal you stuff and sent it to him....

Thanks for the laugh and fond memories...

Jim

WOW !!!!!

Bob and I were wondering what happened to this guy.....

http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/...ad.php?t=12793

;) :D

LOL! That was great! :D

Diary of a Snow Shoveler...........
 

Deleted

I was kicked back enjoying :munchin while reading your story. I am sure you enjoyed the :lifter from all the snow and where quite :eek: when the roof caved in.

Hope the rest of the winter gets better haha.

Thank you for the :D today.

SG

And....that is the reason I live in Florida...no snow!

just had to resurrect this thread since I finally can relate a bit :D

I was enjoying the pretty sight this AM. Later on I woke up and had to chisel 'bout an inch of ice to get in my car. Then I realized I had to chisel the whole car:mad: All of a sudden I remembered the thread that calls the fluffy stuff coming down from heaven as white s**** :D I love snow/ice/sleet

Nice resurect! Got home at 0130 Monday morning and between then and 0645 when I got up to go to work it had already snowed about three inches. Before it changed to freezing rain last night we had almost six inches (so much for a "non-event"). Post has been closed for two days and God alone knows what tomorrow will bring (and my workload will be that much more when I finally do get back in the office). Oh - forgot to mention - wet dogs stink. At least it's good for a laugh watching the puppy slide around on the ice. She's not heavy enough yet to reliably break through for good footing. At least there isn't any mud yet, though that is inevitable. Wonder if I can send a bill to Al Gore?

BWAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Missed this first time around, thanks for the bump.

Gotta go suit up for snow management chores:lifter: Fill-up the generators, fire up the snowblower, move the Kubota with the front-end loader up to the driveway, lube front-end loader, spray Pam on the snow shovels and snowblower augers, deploy VDOT snowplow deterrent devices (SDD), transfer funds to pay the fine for SDD use (cheaper than cost of and hassle of new mailbox), get out tire chains for wife's car, mount tire chains on wife's car so it will look nice and ready in the garage( she won't drive it in snow even with chains on), and secure enough beer to make snow management chores tolerable:D.

Don't ya just love the white stuff:rolleyes:?

RF 1

Yeah, but they waited till 0800 yesterday to close post, by which point I was already on main post and stuck in the traffic.

I swear the people who make the weather call for Bragg have their heads firmly up their asses.

TR

And have their asses firmly on their living room couches before making the call, I'd imagine.

Face Book
 

My neighbor made it in along with two others. They were told post was closed and to go home.

They gripped about not being told earlier. They were told - "It was posted on Face Book". Evidently Fort Bragg is a Face Book member.

Got a great laugh and learned a helpful hint about shoveling snow...though I grew up in New England, I've never heard of spraying Pam on snow shovels before...thanks! I passed that one on to my teenagers for their use the next time I send them out to shovel the driveway.

Riley
 

i got stuck on Riley last nite and still cant get anyone to come and plow my parking lot. everyone is telling me to ask for help....i work in this building alone, i dont have anyone to ask for help. you wanna my WTF moment is. i work for firefighters....LMAO my day is great...:p

The medical personnel gotta love it when they're automatically mission essential and cannot be told to go home. Naturally, emergency service was swamped...as well as mother-baby :confused: :eek:

I just got around to reading through this thread again. Now that post has officially opened again. I got here Monday at 0730 while watching everyone else leaving post. As soon as I got to work I was told post was now closed. I stayed here until 0900 and then went home when the traffic was cleared.

I never have those kind thoughts when its going to snow/snowing. I absofuckinglutely hate snow and cold weather.

I truly enjoyed this post. I live/am from North Dakota where we tend to get a #@%! ton of snow! I swear on oath that those damn plow drivers to that exact thing! Thanks for the laughs, was in tears laughing at this one.

RC

Peregrino
 

I don't stink, do I?

If you want your house to stay clean, don't let me run around outside.

I guess I need to train the trainer, wait, I'm not a cat, "Let me out side, I gotta go."

Al Gore's Shell Game
 

http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/...lobal-warming/

Hundreds of cars were stranded on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago, Wednesday, Feb. 2, after a winter blizzard of historic proportions wobbled the otherwise snow-tough city.
If the planet is warming, why is a third of America locked in a deep freeze, with record-low temperatures as far south as the Mexican border, where the thermometer in Ciudad Juarez plummeted Wednesday night to a bone-chilling 9-below zero?

Self-proclaimed planetary climate czar Al Gore thinks he has answer.

"As it turns out, the scientific community has been addressing this particular question for some time now, and they say increased heavy snowfalls are completely consistent with what they have been predicting as a consequence of man-made global warming," Gore write in a blog post. The Nobel Prize-winning former vice president was responding to a question posed by Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly, who wondered on air why global warming was such an urgent science policy priority when the New York City area had become a “tundra” this winter.

Gore also indicated that he believes a rise in global temperatures is creating “all sorts of havoc,” from hotter dry spells to colder winters and ever more violent storms. This is even endangering certain species of animals and leading to forest fires and floods.

But not surprisingly, some climate-change skeptics are a bit hot under the collar over Gore’s “scientific” explanation.

“Gore’s statement actually indicates a deeper problem -- lack of precise predictions,” said Dr. William M. Briggs, a statistician and climate scientist. His research shows that there are no increased weather problems because of global warming, Briggs told FoxNews.com.

“He’s saying that anything bad that happens must be because global warming caused it. Activists like Gore are great at identifying events after the fact as being caused by global warming, but terrible at predicting them beforehand,” Briggs said.

Meteorologist Art Horn agreed, noting the extensive history of devastating weather over the millennia -- none of which he connects with global warming.

“If one actually studies the history of weather over the last 2,000 years, you see massive storms, amazing heat, brutal cold waves, devastating droughts, terrible floods and disastrous hurricanes -- none caused by global warming,” he told FoxNews.com.

“Gore has no appreciation for large natural variability in weather,” Horn said.

Other scientists were quick to leap to Gore's support, arguing that the extreme cold weather is a logical, expected outcome for our warming planet.

“It’s not hard at all to get temperatures cold enough for snow in a world experiencing global warming,” meteorologist Jeffrey Masters told FoxNews.com. “There will still be colder than average winters in a world that is experiencing warming with plenty of opportunities for snow.”

The contretemps over global warming and winter weather -- and the bickering among scientists about man's effect on the climate -- has had a profound impact on public opinion around the globe.

A January poll by Rasmussen Reports indicates that Americans are still more inclined to believe global warming is primarily caused by long-term planetary trends, although the gap narrowed a bit this month. But Americans don't blame global warming for this winter’s weather.

Skepticism is very clearly increasing overseas; a poll released this week by the Office for National Statistics in the U.K. indicated that the number of climate skeptics there had nearly doubled during the last four years. The proportion of people who said they were “not very concerned” about global warming now numbers more than one in five, the U.K. government said.

But many still argue that global warming is real, and the ultimate cause of the wretched weather. One environmental consultant pointed FoxNews.com to an article that detailed a polar bear's nine-day swim to find an ice raft for refuge -- due to global warming’s impact on the environment of Alaska.

Others take a less anecdotal approach, and say that pure science supports Gore's global-warming argument.

“It’s basic atmospheric physics,” said Meg Wilcox, a spokeswoman for Ceres, a national network of investors and environmental organizations. “Warmer air holds more moisture. This fact is apparent when you see water vapor hanging in the air after turning off a hot shower. When warm air holding moisture meets cooler air, the moisture condenses into tiny droplets that will fall as precipitation, rain or snow, depending upon atmospheric conditions.”

Warm air meets cold air seems simple enough. So why can't scientists agree?

If it all seems confusing and contradictory, other experts say, the real blame lies not with the climate, or with science, or even scientists or former politicians, but with the incompetent media for failing to provide critical context for readers.

“The last 2,000 years is full of incredible weather events that dwarf what we see today,” said Horn. “Nature isn't cooperating with the global warming camp and theory.”

He points to a New York Times story from the 1970s, which said the planet was getting so cold that humanity was in danger of starving to death. The article argued that the world’s weather would soon be so frigid that it could no longer permit the cultivation of crops for food. The Times’ headline on August 8, 1974, was simple enough: “Climate changes Endanger World’s Food Output.”

“First we were told the world was cooling. Then it was getting hotter,” Dan Gainor, a spokesman for the Media Research Center, tells FoxNews.com. “Then cooling again. Then hotter. Now it’s just climate change -- so they can’t be wrong no matter what change occurs.”

Denver, CO (this week)
 

Saturday was great, warm, sun, blue skies.

Sunday, cooling, sweater day.:rolleyes:

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, clear, windy, very cold.:eek:

Thursday, warm, (30 degrees), heavy wet snow.:p

Friday, suposed to be 50 degrees, well see.:munchin

Snow days
 

I was sittin’ on the dock of the bay, wastin’ time, when I checked up on a local columnist I used to enjoy reading years ago in a “throw-away” newspaper they still litter our driveway with every Thursday. She was waylaid by snowmen and taken to the Mid-West over a decade ago but is still writing…with numb fingers.

I vaaaaggguuely remember days like that. But I was the kid. ;) I did have a paper route, though. I don't remember even getting a dime tip. :mad:

Pat

Here too (Nov-May) and the regular minus double digits as well - now I know why every town in Montana has at least one bar.

pbr549xxx what u said, lookin' forward to gettin off this freezer this spring...

Whoever said the thing about the dogs and kitty litter has got the idea...pretty sad watching your dogs limp around trying to take a crap...

:D

Uh, guess what?
 

Ummm, more freakin' snow!!!

Its snowing again here in Afghanistan too. Im ready for the heat.

Which is one BIG reason why I'll continue to call North Carolina home....:)

We get the run-of-the-mil snowfall but, it doesn't stay long and it doesn't keep coming. There are a few other reasons but this one will do for now.

Come-on home fellas, you know you wanna..jd

I always like the Carolinas, but I need the Rocky Mountains in view.

40 degrees in the south means, "I'm freakin' cold", 40 degrees in the west means, I'm still wearing hiking shorts, shirt, I might put on a sweater, might also change my Birkenstocks for hiking boots. Keep the sun screen handy and sit outside drinking cold beer on a sunny day.

Too much beer also causes run-on sentances and poor spelling/grammer, my bad....

Amen to that. I cant wait to get back to Bragg.

Bump

OMG, I just laughed so hard my daughter thinks I'm nuts. We'll see how nuts I am when I read it to them.

I just shoveled yesterday afternoon. Now we have another 4" and have to do it all again.

Thanks for the laughs.

We got pummeled last year on Christmas, that'll be one storm that the city will never live down(especially DSNY). So much for getting the snowblower ready to go...oh well, I still have some leaves in the yard :D

Grew up in western Colorado.
Learned how to drive during a bad winter in a two-wheel drive pickup with an open differential (one-wheel drive...always the wrong one).

Only time I've ever used chains for snow was once in a UPS truck as a precautionary measure.
(Chained up one tire heading up a pass because snow kept getting worse and it was a long ways to the next pull-off)

Just need rear-wheel drive, tires with some tread, and some weight in the tail.

Daughter called yesterday, now down at the schoolhouse at Gordon after 10yrs bouncing between Drum & A'stan. She said locals are freakin' out because the mercury went down to 50°F & someone said the 's' word.

Maybe they should head up where you are with their big macho camo-wrapped trucks and get a real taste of what winter can be. (Be sure & get video before you ship 'em back south on a flat-bed.)

:D