09-01-2018, 14:13
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#1
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Area Commander
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,462
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Divorce
Is there a procedural difference ending a marriage while on active duty, or is divorce strictly a civil matter before the court that only impacts distribution of pay and allowances?
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Penn is offline
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09-01-2018, 17:57
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#2
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lower Alabama
Posts: 649
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The difference is, if your soon to be ex-wife is a bitch, she can really fuck up your career. My advice, be nice, be fair, and have the most ruthless lawyer you can afford.
x/S
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exsquid is offline
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09-01-2018, 18:34
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#3
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: The Woodlands, Texas
Posts: 931
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exsquid
....and have the most ruthless lawyer you can afford.
x/S
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In other words, hire a female lawyer. I did when I went through my divorce and it was the best decision ever.
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Basenshukai is offline
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09-01-2018, 19:07
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#4
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Free Pineland
Posts: 24,780
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IIRC, in most cases, the estranged spouse is entitled to all of the Service Member's Basic Allowance for Housing or his government furnished quarters until the case is adjudicated and a judge issues further guidance via court orders.
Where the Soldier then resides is an unanswered question.
See AR 608-99, unless it has changed.
Best of luck.
TR
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - President Theodore Roosevelt, 1910
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The Reaper is offline
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09-01-2018, 21:02
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#5
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Sneaking back and forth across the Border
Posts: 6,628
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Basenshukai
In other words, hire a female lawyer. I did when I went through my divorce and it was the best decision ever.
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I did the same thing and people were amazed how I made out....
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SF_BHT is offline
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09-02-2018, 06:11
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#6
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: State of confusion
Posts: 1,525
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Get legal representation....quickly. It is purely a "civil" issue; however, she can make your career implode. Support, especially when you have kids, is the issue for AD cats. Also, on-post housing is an issue for a wife and children. It generally goes to the wife and kids until the mess is sorted if things turn ugly.
AR 608-99 carries the general rule, but nowadays, many women make more than their husbands so there are some saving provisions within it to where a troop won't be forced to contribute if he can show that she makes more than he does.
Of course, if you can make this cordial/amicable, most problems go away.
Assume everything you do with her is being recorded; notes are being taken and anything you say will be misconstrued in the worst possible way. Take the high road....always. Bottom line, take care of the kids.
I left my lying whore and took with me nothing more than a coffee pot, a poncho liner and a pistol - I kid you not. I rebuilt my life after leaving her everything and getting stuck with all the debt. In the long run...I got the better deal.
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JimP is offline
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09-02-2018, 07:30
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#7
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Area Commander
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,462
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This is exactly what I expected. Thank you all for your time, no further replies are necessary.
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Penn is offline
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09-02-2018, 14:21
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#8
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 473
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I came back from Beirut and found the house abandoned. She took the baby and moved back home. I requested emergency leave and it was granted. She was appointed a military attorney and we met at West Point. She got her maternity clothes and vacuum cleaner.
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"The wicked flee even when none pursueth". Proverbs 28:1
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twistedsquid is offline
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09-02-2018, 16:27
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#9
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Newnan, Georgia
Posts: 371
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My sympathy is with you. Good advice so far. All I would add is hire a lawyer that is in the "courthouse loop", do some research and hire the best legal representation possible. Do not skimp on this, starve if you have too. I didn't and it cost me in the long run.
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TrapperFrank is offline
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09-03-2018, 10:29
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#10
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Big Sky
Posts: 426
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…….Assume everything you do with her is being recorded; notes are being taken and anything you say will be misconstrued in the worst possible way. Take the high road....always. Bottom line, take care of the kids.
I left my lying whore and took with me nothing more than a coffee pot, a poncho liner and a pistol - I kid you not. I rebuilt my life after leaving her everything and getting stuck with all the debt. In the long run...I got the better deal.[/QUOTE]
I got my house with nothing in it and all her debt. I still came out ahead in the long run too. As everyone else has said...get a good attorney.
Best of luck.
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Exceptions are so inevitable that no rule is without them - except the one just stated. - Paso Por Aqui, by Eugene Manlove Rhodes
"I ask you sir, who are the militia? They consist now of the whole people........" George Mason
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sfshooter is offline
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09-09-2018, 22:07
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#11
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 20,929
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exsquid
The difference is, if your soon to be ex-wife is a bitch, she can really fuck up your career. My advice, be nice, be fair, and have the most ruthless lawyer you can afford.
x/S
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You know I think we are blood related.............. 
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Team Sergeant is offline
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09-11-2018, 11:53
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#12
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Currently based in the US
Posts: 414
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Divorce based on Military/Civil Service is Divverent
I hope I'm not too late with this. We've all heard "He is his own worst enemy". The reverse is also true. YOU are your best friend during a divorce.
I was fortunate enough to have the time to plan before filing for divorce from my @$&%^## ex-wife. Looking at the various laws (US Code) concerning how federal sources would interpret certain phrases saved me a fortune.
My attorney ,(also a good friend) was well acquainted with the general laws and procedures in my state. Like the ex's attorney, he was a "general divorce attorney". When I looked at the wording in the proposed settlement written by the ex's attorney, it seemed fair to both me and my attorney. He gritted his teeth when I told him that I needed "these two words" removed, "this word changed to that. "
That was not vindictive, nor was I trying to gain a bit here and there. Inside the federal procedures was exact guidance concerning how certain phrases that *sounded* similar would be interpreted. Neither attorney was a specialist in federal benefits. I had taken the time to become one.
My conversation with my complaining attorney ended with "OK, Jerrry, if this were YOUR $350,000 (the increased portion paid to me instead of her, over the following 15 years), would you make the change?"
You are your best friend.
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The Govt is not my Mommy, The Govt is not my Daddy. I am My Govt.
Last edited by plato; 09-11-2018 at 11:55.
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plato is offline
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09-13-2018, 12:10
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#13
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lower Alabama
Posts: 649
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TS:
I am still on wife #1. Everything I know about getting a divorce while on AD I learned by listening to SF_BHT.
x/S
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If not us, than who?
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exsquid is offline
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09-13-2018, 14:58
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#14
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Sneaking back and forth across the Border
Posts: 6,628
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exsquid
TS:
I am still on wife #1. Everything I know about getting a divorce while on AD I learned by listening to SF_BHT.
x/S
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Practice Practice Practice.......
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SF_BHT is offline
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10-24-2018, 10:01
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#15
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Area Commander
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 1,235
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Wow....why do most women have to be such bitches about this? Sorry, but I would never do that, that's why I still have all my bank accounts & credit cards in my name. I only want what I came in with to the marriage, and get the damn house taken care of. I would not want anything else; I don't want to make it complicated. I basically would just want out and hopefully fast.. Hardest part would be deciding if I have the confidence to go through with it, and where I could afford to go......decisions, decisions........Gosh, good luck in that endeavor....... 
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Rita
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rsdengler is offline
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