I used to think I was just a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.
I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards make me a fascist.
I am heterosexual, which now makes me a homophobe.
I am mostly non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.
I was christened by my parents (who were married, in a church and remained married until they died), which now labels me as an infidel.
I am 71 and retired, which makes me useless.
I think and I reason, therefore I believe little that the mainstream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.
I am proud of my heritage which makes me a xenophobe.
I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.
I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.
I (and most of the folks I know), acquired a fair education without student loan debts and little or no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.
I believe in the defence and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens and I honour those who served in the Armed Forces, which now makes me a right-wing militant.
Please help me come to terms with the new me… because I'm just not sure who the hell I am anymore!
I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these seemingly abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking!
I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly!
I am so very fortunate to have a part-time job with the government.