10-01-2014, 18:47
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#1
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Area Commander
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: The Black Hills of SD
Posts: 5,917
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10 Science jokes for NERDS
1. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
3. Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
4. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.
“Irrelevant.”
7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”
10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
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Non Sibi Sed Suis
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It's Good To Be Da King !!!! Just ask NDD !!!! 
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Sdiver is offline
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10-01-2014, 19:47
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#2
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Western WI
Posts: 176
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Numbers 1-5 sound like something from Steven Wright 
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Rumblyguts is offline
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10-05-2014, 09:00
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#3
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,938
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Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding:
Cop: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg: "No, but I know exactly where I am."
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Airbornelawyer is offline
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10-05-2014, 09:15
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#4
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Free Pineland
Posts: 24,780
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Airbornelawyer
Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding:
Cop: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg: "No, but I know exactly where I am."
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Great one.
TR
__________________
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - President Theodore Roosevelt, 1910
De Oppresso Liber 01/20/2025
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The Reaper is offline
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10-05-2014, 09:35
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#5
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Guerrilla Chief
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NM
Posts: 525
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René Descartes walks into a bar. The bar tender says "rené, want a beer?" René replies "I think not." Then disappears.
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NurseTim is offline
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10-05-2014, 10:18
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#6
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Occupied Pineland
Posts: 4,701
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DocIllinois
A computer programmer is told by his wife, "Go to the supermarket and pick up two loaves of bread. If they have eggs, get twelve."
He comes back with twelve loaves of bread.
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LMAO! Thank you.
__________________
A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear.
~ Marcus Tullius Cicero (42B.C)
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Peregrino is offline
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10-05-2014, 10:27
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#7
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 3,834
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Airbornelawyer
Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding:
Cop: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg: "No, but I know exactly where I am."
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Now I don't care who ya are, that's funny rat there!
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Honor Above All Else
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Trapper John is offline
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10-05-2014, 10:28
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#8
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 3,834
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DocIllinois
A computer programmer is told by his wife, "Go to the supermarket and pick up two loaves of bread. If they have eggs, get twelve."
He comes back with twelve loaves of bread.
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LMAO
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Honor Above All Else
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Trapper John is offline
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10-05-2014, 10:28
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#9
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Area Commander
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Page/Lake Powell, Arizona
Posts: 3,349
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Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, ‘Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?’
Gödel replies, ‘We can't know that because we're inside the joke.’
Chomsky says, ‘Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.'
__________________
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Waiting for the perfect moment is a fruitless endeavor.
Make a decision, and then make it the right one through your actions.
"Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap." -Ecclesiastes 11:4 (NIV)
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GratefulCitizen is offline
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10-05-2014, 10:34
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#10
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Area Commander
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: The Black Hills of SD
Posts: 5,917
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There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.
__________________
Non Sibi Sed Suis
_____________________________________________
It's Good To Be Da King !!!! Just ask NDD !!!!
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Sdiver is offline
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10-05-2014, 10:47
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#11
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 5,747
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A bunch of smart people tell a joke...
...I dont get it.
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Opinions stated in this post are solely those of the author, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of The Department of Defense, The United States Army, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, The Screen Actors Guild, The Boy Scouts, The Good, The Bad, or The Ugly. These opinions are provided purely as overly sarcastic social commentary and are not meant to be used for mission planning or navigation.
"Make sure your own mask is secure before assisting others"
-Airplane Safety Briefing
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Box is offline
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10-05-2014, 12:19
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#12
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Occupied Pineland
Posts: 4,701
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy L-bach
A bunch of smart people tell a joke...
...I dont get it.
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Somehow I doubt they "get" you/us either. 
__________________
A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear.
~ Marcus Tullius Cicero (42B.C)
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Peregrino is offline
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10-05-2014, 12:30
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#13
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Guerrilla Chief
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: The Nam
Posts: 777
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Love these! LOL
Thanks for the laughs today. 
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A tyrant will always find a pretext for his tyranny ~ Aesops Fables; The Lamb and the Wolf
Am fear nach gleidh na h-airm san t-sith, cha bhi iad aige 'n am a' chogaidh
"He that keeps not his arms in time of peace will have none in time of war" Old Gaelic
Arms discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property... Horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of the use of them. Thomas Paine
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