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Old 08-02-2020, 13:11   #1
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The Jackass & The Lapdog

The Jackass & The Lapdog: Aesop’s thoughts on politicians and their love affair with the media...



There was once a republican that lived in a wonderfully grand apartment near the mansion of a beautiful blond news reporter. The beautiful news reporter traveled all around town with a spoiled little democrat in her purse. Clearly the democrat was the favorite of the jet-setting news reporter and accompanied the attractive young reporter everywhere she went - like a lapdog. The annoying little democrat received constant attention as well as a never-ending supply of praise – even when he pissed on the carpet, shit on the floor, and chewed up the reporter’s merino wool slippers…
…nothing that the democrat said or did would ever warrant poor public treatment by the news media.

Every day the annoying little democrat would jump into the reporter’s purse and travel around town - frisking playfully about and leaping up to lick the hands and face of the much-heralded reporter. The little democrat was so well treated by the beautiful reporter, it would even show up on TV with the pretty young reporter and answer easy questions about biased topics while constantly deriding the poor hardworking republican...

This overtly biased treatment caused much discontent with the republican. The republican was well educated, he was respected by his constituents, he and lived in a DC apartment that was far nicer than the homes that most Americans lived in but since he was in fact, a politician, he often had an agenda to tend to while the annoying little ankle-biting yappy democrat lived a spoiled life inside the reporter’s huge and expensive designer purse. The jealously from watching that stupid little democrat get all the attention pained the republican as much as a bad case of COVID-19 and it turned him into an egotistical virtue-signaling jackass. The republican's life was quite easy and rewarding but he desperately wanted to be loved by the news media so his jackass behavior became increasingly obvious to other republicans.

The republican had wildly abundant public resources and because of laws he had help pass, he could invest his money in ways that would get Martha Stewart sent back to prison but it wasn’t enough. The jackass republican was blinded by his jealousy of the relationship between the stupid little annoying democrat and the biased news media. He had become more jackass than republican; in his pursuit of media glory, his jackassery had made him republican in name only - more of a jackass in republican clothing…

Eventually, the jealous little republican got it into his silly head that all he had to do to win favor with the socialite and her friends in the media was to act like the stupid little annoying democrat so he began virtue signaling about how clumsy and stubborn all the OTHER jackass republicans were. He accused other republicans of being warmongers with all their talk about “seeing the elephant” (even though he frequently took huge campaign donations from the defense industry).
One day the republican decided to sneak out of his finely decorated office and into the newsroom to try and win the heart of the young attractive media personality…

The republican sauntered right into the newsroom to find the object of his affection seated at the news desk. Ready to show that he could be as cute and adorable as the ankle-biting little democrat, the republican kicked up his rhetoric as pranced giddily around the newsroom vowing to raise taxes on the upper class and open the borders to homeless women and orphaned children while simultaneously proclaiming his republican roots. The jackass republican’s behavior and political actions began to mimic the annoying little dog and confused the other republicans. The jackass republican boldly babbled on mindlessly about his reputation as a radical moderate and a litany of illogical nonsense like he had seen the democrat do so many times before. The jackass republican ridiculously oversold his pandering behavior and his condescending tone towards the lapdog democrat scared the reporter and she called for her production staff.

The production staff burst into the editing bay and went about editing a series of unneeded bleeps into the segment, dredged up old news clips of the jackass making silly statements, and even cutting certain lines of dialogue from his interviews to make it look like the jackass republican had experienced an even worse meltdown. All the other beautiful reporters began to run the edited clips on every news channel; the exposure made republicans around the country hate the stupid republican jackass. Despite his new reputation as a jackass republican, he doubled down and virtue signaled even harder but it was too late – now nobody from either party really liked him anymore. His constituents only kept him in office because they had learned how easily jackasses can be bought.

Astonished and confused that his constant virtue-signaling failed to ingratiate himself with the mainstream media he even tried to create an alter ego to support his virtue signaling. The poor lost republican wasn’t just a jackass – he was a big stupid turd. Over time, the jackass republican virtue signaled so much that he had become a punch line to BOTH parties. Of course, nobody cared anymore – the internet and 24-hour news cycle had moved on to more important things like murder bees, coin shortages, and unsolicited mail-order magic Chinese beans – but the jackass just continued his charade, hoping that all of America would love him someday…

The moral of the story?
Do not try to gain favor by acting in a way that is contrary to your own nature and character…

…plus, if you are a republican and you start acting like an annoying little democrat just to get attention, bad things are bound to happen. Most people are smart enough to see through the charade of an egotistical jackass republican yearning to be a media lapdog.
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Old 08-02-2020, 15:46   #2
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Hmm, Mittens and a bunch of his cohorts come to mind.
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Old 08-02-2020, 18:13   #3
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This needs to go into The Book of (not nearly so much) Fables
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Old 08-03-2020, 05:42   #4
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Like a blueprint from The Book of Romney.
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Old 08-03-2020, 06:39   #5
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All things considered... it's seems odd that an ancient Greek story teller would have so much insight into the workings of American politics.
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Old 08-03-2020, 08:46   #6
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The Book of RINO

How Romneyesque...or even Murkowskiesque...
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