Marriage during Q Course?

[mhaggs]

I have spend time with the search button reading many of the 'family' threads; However, I have not seen any threads that address my specific concern. If I have overlooked a thread that addresses my question please let me know.

I am an 18X Candidate that is schedules for SOPC/SFAS Nov/Dec. My concern is that I am currently engaged and not planning on have a 'quick' wedding before I leave as the families are not fond of that idea. Will I have any time during the Q Course to have a wedding. Maybe over Christmas Exodus? If anyone has dealt with this or knows someone who has I would love some hints/ideas.

[Pete]

Long term or short term planning?

There will be breaks and you will be able to do things on your off time. Christmas is pretty solid - like the week between Christmas and New Years.

Anything else could get hit long term with a schedule or modual change.

So her/your family wants the who shebang? Anything else they want? Think about that for a while.

[mhaggs]

Yes, she is 100% Greek and the Greek Orthodox take wedding and family to the utmost extremes. I was fine with planning the wedding for late December and come up with a date closer to December when I know my exact orders. However, I called the family services center at Fort Bragg earlier today to check and make sure I would be given Christmas off. The women there told me I may or may not. She has seen a cadre give Christmas off but she also said she has seen many candidates training through Christmas. I found that hard to believe and figured I could get some good advice talking to men who have been through something like this.

She was also unclear on when I would be able to move my family to Ft. Bragg.

[Buffalobob]

You really do not need the distraction of a wedding during selection and anyone who has been involved in a long wedding planning exercise will tell you that the questions such as silverware, china, exact words of the ceremony etc cannot be handled without your participation and the problem is no matter how tactful you are by phone or email when you choose the flaming yellow and orange tuxedo, there is going to be nuclear warheads launched. All of this is going on when your thought process should be on how many quarts of fluid have you taken in and expended today and how are you going to pass the land nav when you were up all last night with your darling sweetie discussing whether to have the lobster newburg or the braised chicken.

Your only saving grace is that they take all of your electronic gizmos away from you so sweetie pie honey bunch's mother, the dragon of hell, will be calling the first sergeant wanting to know why you are not answering your phone calls.
,
I should take a stick and beat you with if for reminding me of all those painful conversations when I was trying to take final exams so I could graduate with an engineering degree from Alabama.

I do believe, now that I have more life experiences, that redleg danger close is preferable to wedding planning or perhaps they are the same thing.

So 36+ years later, here I sit retired with my wife still working and I have made a meatloaf to bake for our dinner tonight (if she comes home in time) and will zap a couple of potatoes and some green beans.

[glebo]

Well, personally, I would focus on....I know both are important, but you either focus on the course, or the marriage...not both. You're gonna need 110% in the course, well, if you REALLY want to be good anyway.

This is of course speaking from a person with "marriage ribbon with one oak leaf cluster" so my .02 worth.

Because ya never know what may happen.

[SouthernDZ]

Originally Posted by Buffalobob

So 36+ years later, here I sit retired with my wife still working and I have made a meatloaf to bake for our dinner tonight (if she comes home in time) and will zap a couple of potatoes and some green beans.

I make a pretty mean meatloaf myself!

I spent the entire SFQC engaged but had the good sense to wait until I graduated to have the wedding. She's very understanding (but her meatloaf isn't as good as mine).

[Stras]

Here's some other things to ponder.

1. No single situation or response is the total answer to your question.

2. There are factors that you can influence and many that you can't.

3. You need to be thinking of 2nd and 3rd order effects. If I do "A", then how does this correlate with "B", "F", and "H". i.e., think ahead a couple of years and try to mitigate some of the issues now. Explain to your fiancee that you'll be traveling alot (without her), etc.

I was engaged prior to the SFQC. I graduated right before Christmas 92, and had the big church wedding the 26th of Dec. I've been happily divorced since 98.

If you're headed overseas after the SFQC, it is a frigging nightmare to get your new dependent into DEERs, passport changed to married name, and the EFMP screenings in less than 60 days. I came very close to having to leave my wife and move, with her coming after everything was finished. Luckily her b**hing out the EFMP Dr (COL) in the waiting room about the whole process helped me out.

Now lets talk about your security clearance. this will add to the length of time of the investigation as your status has changed. Real nut roll if she is NOT a US Citizen.

Is your future wife willing to give up her job and family and follow you to the various duty stations in your future career? not all of them are in the U.S. Might be a good topic of discussion to have now, rather than later.

[greenberetTFS]

Originally Posted by Stras

Is your future wife willing to give up her job and family and follow you to the various duty stations in your future career? not all of them are in the U.S. Might be a good topic of discussion to have now, rather than later.

Very important question to ask........... Mine said YES and she wanted me to earn my Beret as much as I did.......... That was 54 years ago and we are still together today........... What these fellers are telling you is their own personal experiences and should be seriously considered before you make any decisions.........

Big Teddy

[Snaquebite]

Good advice being given....You have to make the decisions and no one can predict your future IF you make it through the course. I had been in SF for 5 years before marrying my high school sweetheart. We discussed all (I thought) the possibilities which could take place regarding me being in SF. She was cool with everything we talked about. Three months after getting married I was selected for something I just couldn't turn down. Again she supported me. Five years later and and us being together only 16 months of those five...things changed. I understood and we divorced. We're still friends but not married. I guess what I'm saying is that you can't predict everything. Your career will take you wherever the situation demands and your marriage withstands the demands of being SF or it doesn't.....or you quit.

BTW Glebo....I got THREE OLCs

[glebo]

Originally Posted by Snaquebite

Good advice being given....You have to make the decisions and no one can predict your future IF you make it through the course. I had been in SF for 5 years before marrying my high school sweetheart. We discussed all (I thought) the possibilities which could take place regarding me being in SF. She was cool with everything we talked about. Three months after getting married I was selected for something I just couldn't turn down. Again she supported me. Five years later and and us being together only 16 months of those five...things changed. I understood and we divorced. We're still friends but not married. I guess what I'm saying is that you can't predict everything. Your career will take you wherever the situation demands and your marriage withstands the demands of being SF or it doesn't.....or you quit.

BTW Glebo....I got THREE OLCs

Damn...."one up'ed" again

[The Reaper]

The answer to everything is "Yes", till you put the ring on the finger and utter the "I do."

Then you get mostly Yes'es but in a decreasing number till the warranty expires around the first anniversary.

It tends to be a bit downhill and much more of a compromise/the art of the deal after that. Quid pro quo.

IMHO, you would be best served to wait till you graduate from the SFQC before planning any wedding. Then you might give it a few deployments before you commit, just to make sure. There is very little stigma attached to cohabitation these days. I am sure that she and her family have other plans and perspectives.

Some marriages are better than others, and there is a selection and assessment process there as well. I don't think going through the Q Course at the same time will enhance the experience. In fact, it might even help to end it prematurely, and getting unmarried is very expensive, in many ways.

I waited till I was 35 to get married, and I do not regret staying single for that long. I would have been much less likely to still be married had I done it ten years earlier.

You do as you think best, just let us know periodically how it is working out.

TR

[mark46th]

I broke up with the woman I thought I would marry when I enlisted for SF. Like the man said,"Special Forces is a mistress..."

Also, the Search Button is your friend.

http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/...ad.php?t=27826

[MtnGoat]

I would say like TR said.. It is ten times better to work your way through the SFQC. I say too.. Wait till you graduate from the SFQC before planning any wedding. Yes it sucks for her, but you want to focus on SFQC not setting up your new House or dealing with water bills, grass cutting, etc. Yes people do it, but most if not all married guys have been married more than a day in the SFQC now. They have been dealing with bills, houses, utilities, ETC. As well as a wives having to deal with the house hold problems and military life, let alone daily job and social life.

It is good to "try it out", maybe no cohabitation, but you have never been in the military let alone deployed, away from home, in a foreign country, ETC. Now throw all that at a new wife, in a new place, away from home, in a strange country. You may not be in the Good Ol' USA, you could end up overseas. I say to wait till after the SFQC, use SFQC as a test bed for your marriage. You go to the field, typically you will not have Cell phones, but if you do, do call her. Wait till your base on Camp to use the pay phone or dig your cell out of a Bag. She if she can deal with that. No emails, no Smart phone Facebook or emails, ETC.

I had my Son during the SFQC, during language school. Made Language school tough as hell, I almost fail one of the major test.

My .02

Good Luck in your Journey!!!!

[Richard]

I was glad to have waited until I was an experienced SF NCO before attempting marriage, something I think had a powerful influence on us being able to anticipate our 36th anniversary this coming August.

However - it's your path, son, and only you can walk it. Good luck.

Richard

Wait until you graduate. Write letters often, and not just the email thread, texting, crap, but a real letter once a week, nice paper, good pen, and call her each Sunday afternoon, unless you're in the field, under a ruck sack, or in study groups.

Once you walk across the stage, get your Grp assignment, meet the ODA, and gel for 6 months, if not on a deployment to Nigeria, Lybia or Brooklyn - then you can marry the girl.

In fact, I'll send you a $100 buck to just run away with her, let her family throw a big party for your 1st year anniversary, and you and the wife have no planning to do.

All that is required on your part, is to just show up, keep the open bar open. I'll bring something nice for the bride, maybe dance with her mom.

But that's just me, good luck.