Sounds like the famous Roman centurion, Bullshiticus Maximus.
BTW, I did recon and DA black ops from about 3rd grade to 6th grade. I was wearing some old OD's, a football helmet painted in the finest Testors OD spray paint money could buy, and carrying a rubber-band assault rifle, too. We used dirt-clod frag grenades for indirect fire. None of that hardened combat experience ever appeared on my DD-214.
