MAB32
12-21-2005, 15:15
First off, I apoligize if there is no "French Bashing" allowed. Secondly, some of these are just plain good!
Breaks My Heart "France Is Not On OUr Side'
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals.
Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
Mark Twain.
"I would rather have a German division in front of me
than a French one behind me."
General George S. Patton.
"Going to war without France is like going deer
hunting without your accordion."
Norman Schwartzkopf.
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do
something about it."
Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
Rush Limbaugh,
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when
the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
Regis Philbin.
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and
not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens
of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and
drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses
of whisky I don't know."
P.J O'Rourke (1989).
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an
aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to
dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for
it."
John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam
Hussein?
Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and
wears a beret. He is French, people."
Conan O'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France
won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all,
France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France
either"
Jay Leno.
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it
came marching into Paris under a German flag."
David Letterman
Only thi ng worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who
lives in Canada.
Ted Nugent.
War without France would be like ... uh .. World War
II.
"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right
now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
Tom Brokaw.
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that
exerted more of its national will fighting against
DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
Dennis Miller.
"It is important to remember that the French have
always been there when they needed us."
Alan Kent
"They've taken their own precautions against
al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is
urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day
supply of mistresses in the house."
Argus Hamilton
"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle
that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the
description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy
Blunt (MO)
"The Frenc h will only agree to go to war when we've
proven we've found truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller
Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise
both hands if you
are French.
Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army
as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend
Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." Rep. R.
Blount (MO)
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to
conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was
raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government
announced after the London bombings that it has raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide.
The only two higher levels in France are
Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level
was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively disabling
their military.
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is
imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks
display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of
Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army
garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
Breaks My Heart "France Is Not On OUr Side'
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals.
Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
Mark Twain.
"I would rather have a German division in front of me
than a French one behind me."
General George S. Patton.
"Going to war without France is like going deer
hunting without your accordion."
Norman Schwartzkopf.
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do
something about it."
Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
Rush Limbaugh,
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when
the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
Regis Philbin.
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and
not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens
of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and
drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses
of whisky I don't know."
P.J O'Rourke (1989).
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an
aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to
dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for
it."
John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam
Hussein?
Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and
wears a beret. He is French, people."
Conan O'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France
won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all,
France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France
either"
Jay Leno.
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it
came marching into Paris under a German flag."
David Letterman
Only thi ng worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who
lives in Canada.
Ted Nugent.
War without France would be like ... uh .. World War
II.
"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right
now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
Tom Brokaw.
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that
exerted more of its national will fighting against
DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
Dennis Miller.
"It is important to remember that the French have
always been there when they needed us."
Alan Kent
"They've taken their own precautions against
al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is
urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day
supply of mistresses in the house."
Argus Hamilton
"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle
that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the
description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy
Blunt (MO)
"The Frenc h will only agree to go to war when we've
proven we've found truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller
Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise
both hands if you
are French.
Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army
as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend
Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." Rep. R.
Blount (MO)
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to
conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was
raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government
announced after the London bombings that it has raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide.
The only two higher levels in France are
Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level
was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively disabling
their military.
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is
imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks
display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of
Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army
garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.