Funny things that happen in the Army

[dennisw]

I'm sure the members of this board have seen their share of funny things in the military. I wanted to share one of my experiences.

The Army of my time was very different from what I hear today. In the 25th I.D. during the mid 70's things were a bit hectic. I was an E-5 but was the platoon sgt. of our recon platoon. This is probably something you don't see anymore.

One of my guys was an hispanic soldier from Sacramento, CA. He was in charge of one of the M-60 which had been around for a long time and was missing a fair amount of the blueing. One day he brought it to me and it looked brand new. When I questioned him about it, he said he had purchased some black spray paint and painted it.

I commending him on his initiative and then told him to remove the paint. That weapon smoked for about a year afterwards.

By the way, I thought I did a pretty good job as the platoon sgt. until we got an E-6 who had been around the block a few times. His quiet leadership was a good lesson for me. I always regret not telling him how much I admired the quiet ways he motivated and led by example.

[Jack Moroney (RIP)]

My first assignment as a 2LT was as an Mechanized Infantry Platoon Leader in the 3rd Armored Division in Kirch Goens, Germany. Like all 2LTs I didn't really know much about anything and, following my training and "in depth understanding" of the inner workings of the military that the Company First Sergeant would be the guy to go to with questions concerning the troops. I introduced myself to the 1SG for a quick orientation on the troops in my platoon. He looked me over, then he said with an all knowing nod that I would find things a little different here in Germany and this being Monday I could have tomorrow off because "all airborne/ranger qualified 2LTs in Germany took Tuesdays off!". Well damn, I thought, this will be great we had just moved into quarters off post and we sort of needed the time to find our way around the town of Bad Nauheim where we were living. I reported back in on Wednesday and when I walked into the orderly room I was informed by the 1SG that the Company Commander wanted to see me. Evidently the 1SG had told him he had sort of pulled the wool over my eyes, but the Company Commander had to make some kind of example of me and told me that I had to stand reveille formation everyday for the next week and to make sure that I wasn't late. I was not only not late, but came in at 0400 the next morning to make sure I wasn't late and was going to have that 1SG for breakfast when he came in. Well, as I came in the gate at 0400 an alert was called so I rousted out the troops, had them move to the motor pool, and took command of the company. I got everyone uploaded, tracks running, and as the as the remainder of the folks arrived we were up and out the gate to our early defensive positions locked and loaded. Now, being the new guy, and wanting to make sure that I could maintain commo with the Company Commander I made sure that I had all my track antennas fully erected and functional. Feeling good that this may have helped extract myself from my earlier blunder with the 1SG's joke, I led the company up the main street at full tilt. The rattling of the tracks on the coble stones made it damn near impossible to hear anything over the head set, but I did notice that the street was dark behind me but light ahead of me. Evidently, I was not supposed to raise the antennas on my command track until I had cleared the town because as I passed under each light the whip anntenna was systematically breaking the overhead street lights-explaining the lighted way to my front but the "tactical" darkness shrouding the tracks that were following close behind. Now keep in mind, this was my second day in Germany. On the way back to the Kaserne at the end of the alert I noticed a really perturbed Battalion Commander "discussing" something with my Company Commander and figured it was probably my destruction of the street lights as I sped to man my early deployment positions. Now there is a tricky little switch on the head set that allows the track commander to switch between the track intercom ( which allows you to talk to the vehicle driver without anyone else hearing you) and the radio which (which transmitts to whomever is on the same frequency). Yep, I hit the wrong switch position and jokingly told the driver that as long as I had started my military career by essentially being AWOL and now had set back US/German relations by knocking out a couple of hundred street lights that I might as well go out in a blaze of glory and if he thought it appropriate perhaps he might pull back on the left lateral and take out the battalion commanders jeep. Of course this went out over the company command net and blared out over the company commanders radio speaker which was parked next to the battalion commander who was chewing out my company commander on my behalf. Fortunately, only the company commander heard it clearly. Whe we finally stood down, the Company Commander took me over to the mess hall, bought be breakfast and told me that I had fullfilled my "punishment" for being duped by the 1SG and as I entered day two the rest of the day was a piece of cake. Of course, I would like to be able to report that I had no more misadventures as a dumbass 2LT, but that would not be quite true :D

[Sacamuelas]

That was a great story... Thanks for making a perfectly bad day much more tolerable Sir. I really hadn't laughed all day until I read this. :D

Encore... Encore

[fusion94]

Damn Colonel now everyone in Starbucks is looking at me as though I'm nuts.

That was damn funny.

[rubberneck]

LOL

[Gypsy]

Where else but here can we enjoy such great stories, information...and outstanding entertainment. :D

[lksteve]

anyone who ever spent time on an FL probably has an idea how out of hand things got during the morning situation briefs in the FOBs...in all honesty, there was nothing at the time quite like the 1st Battalion FOB for having a lot of flash (with very little substance)...anyway, i was sentenced to serve time as the Battalion S2 while waiting for a detachment to come open and the course of my sentence got me a REFORGER, NSI and Flintlock as a staff puke...

FOB1 did all of the situation briefs under black light...don't know why, but for the seven years i was involved with 10th, FOB1 was the only place where you could see briefings under black light...i guess someone thought it looked cool and no one ever had the courage to break with tradition....because of the unique nature of the briefs, FOB1 had lots of VIP type visitors...usually, they came with some notice...at least on one occasion, CINCUSAREUR showed up unannounced...

we always did a dry run (staff only) before presenting the brief to the Battalion and Det-Europe commanders...sometimes the 10th Group commander would show, once in awhile COMSOTFE would come by....anyway, as fate would have it, after the dry run, the S3 and i were having a discussion over who would present the results of intelligence operations ongoing during the exercise...the XO opined i should do it, as i was the 2 and the S3 felt he should present it since he was the S3...whatever happended, the XO got a bit ticked off at the S3 and when the 3 went to get a cup of coffee, he left his glasses lying on the table where the three of us were meeting...i picked up a brush with day-glo paint on it and mentioned that maybe we should decorate the S3s glasses for the brief...before i could put the brush back where i got it from, the XO had painted circles around the lenses on the outside of the frame...there was some activity and such before the brief and the S3 simply folded his glasses and put them away...anyway, right before the brief began, word came in that a VIP would attend the brief...the XO and i got busy with what we had to do and the BC decided the S3 would brief the collection plan...the briefing began on time and i had just finished my spiel when the FOB was called to attention and GEN Kroesen came in...

the S3 got up, introduced himself for the benefit of the General and began his briefing...at some point, he reached into his pocket and put on his glasses...he had no idea why a general officer was laughing to himself, why the XO was trying to get him to clean his glasses or why those of us in the peanut gallery were choking to death to stifle bursting into laughter...

of course, the S3 commented that i must have done it...and the XO replied that he had done it...at that point GEN Kroesen commented that he always thought Flintlock was a little too long an exercise for the sake of sanity and asked the S3 to continue the briefing...

the year before, i was the XO of one of the mountain teams...we got stuck with support duties for a few days before launching (the ASO team had aircraft trouble and couldn't get out of Germany), so that was my first view of what we called the Fu-Fu room in FOB1...the ASO was pretty busy, trying to launch a battalions worth of teams with out the guys who were prepared to help him...anyway, we got some teams off and the next morning we were in attendance at the daily situation briefing...there were some minor errors on the board and the BC told the ASO to "get a handle on the board" by the next day...the ASO spent some time with a couple of guys, getting the teams in the appropriate AOs and stuff like that...we were going to go into isolation the next morning so we would see one more brief...anyway, the ASO was the last one out of the briefing room that evening...the next morning, (always with a bit of flare, for some reason), with the BC and the Det-Europe commander seated, the curtain came back, the house light went out and the black lights went on...and there, in the middle of the map, was a handle, fabricated from wood, painted with day-glo orange, glued to the plexi-glass...the ASO was standing at the side of the briefing platform, arms folded across his chest, with a BSEG...the BC was laughing and shaking his head, the Det Europe commander was quite puzzled...as the laughter subsided, the ASO asked "Is that better, sir?" the BC just kept shaking his head and laughing...

[72_Wilderness]

This was a story related to me by my grandfather who at the time was a 2Lt. stationed in Germany shortly after World War II had ended. My grandfather was drafted right after he finished college and we went through the officer-training course at the time.

After about 2 weeks in Germany my grandfather led his anti-air group out into the field for maneuvers for the first time. The day went normal enough, he and with the help of the First Sergeant led the maneuvers. It had been snowing all day and by nightfall it was about foot and half deep. My grandfather being new to being a 2Lt. and leading field maneuvers was unsure of what do to do once night fell. He was unsure whether he should check on his men or to see if the equipment had been taken care of the proper manner. He finally decided to walk around the area in the foot and half deep snow trying to stay awake. After wandering around camp in the snow for about 4 hours a higher-ranking officer walked up to him, (I believe it was the 1Lt.) and they had a short talk. “Have you been to bed?” “Well no, I wasn’t sure what to do.” “Generally when night falls, the officers go to their tents and sleep on their cots, unless they have other things that need to get down.” “I have a tent? I have a cot?” “Yes and a thick mattress on that cot too. Your driver set it all up when we made camp. Come with me and I will show you some things.”

My grandfather and I both got a good laugh out of it when he told me. :D
72W