View Full Version : Dominancy issues
I know this is a little of subject, but im not real sure how to handle the situation. Im sure I will face similar situations in the Army, and im curious to see how yall would handle it, so here goes.
I started my job surveying pipeline two weeks ago, three other guys were hired at the same timed. We were all new to the buisness and didnt(still dont) know our asses from our elbows. One of the other new guys and myself got off to a bad start, nothing serious, I just drew the long straw and got the good hotel room. From there its been all downhill, and all over bullshit, things so trivial as who gets to sit up front in the truck and who rides in the extended cab. I was orignally content to take turns, this was ok for a few days until he decided my place was in the back full time. Of course 6 hours in the back of a dodge didnt apeal to me, so I told him he could get in the back or I would be obliged to put him in the back, which I did with relative ease(I know this is trivial, but its just an example and easier to explain than the problems over equipment). For some reason this guy has decided he is dominant over me, and I just cant wrap my mind around why. He is half my size, not very bright, and the acknowleged week link on the crew, I could break him into pieces. More than anything I am angry that he is putting me in this position to start with.
Im not an especialy dominant type person, what I mean is I don't accept anyones dominancy over me, but I dont try to enforce dominancy over others, I just do my own thing and genrally others follow. Im not sure how to get the message across to this guy that im not his bitch without giving him a sound thrashing, which I cant do and keep my job. I will be the first to be fired because im just doing this on a temporary basis until I leave for boot camp, the other guy wants to make a career out of it. Im expendable and he knows it. Nor can I complain to our boss, pride and self-respect dictate that.
Im running short of ideas, and yall guys are proffesionals at diffusing volitale situations, besides that this is all ignorant high school BS, what do yall think? What would you do? I am close to just beating ole boy within an inch of his life and trying to explain it to the boss later. :(
For some reason this guy has decided he is dominant over me, and I just cant wrap my mind around why. He is half my size, (
I'm not a psychologist nor able to offer any sound advice on how you should deal with this clown...but I know a lot of big, well built guys and almost all of them state it is a common problem for them too. Some men of smaller physical stature may feel they have the need to "prove themselves tough" by starting fights or whatever with them. They call it Little Man Syndrome. (they = the guys I know).
aricbcool
04-22-2005, 16:08
He is half my size, not very bright, and the acknowleged week link on the crew(
This sounds exactly like the problem I had with a guy who fits the above description when I started my job.
Like Gypsy said, it's definitely "little man syndrome." The guy at my work rides a brand new Harley, and is a "weightlifter". He leaves his supplements out on his desk (all 10 of them) and always talks about going to the gym. I swear he's maybe 5 foot 4 or less.
For the most part I just ignore him. While I do not put up with any of his BS, I decided it was more important to keep my job than push back hard. Eventually we got moved to seperate shifts and when another new person got added to the crew, he started treating me with a little more respect.
There's a fine line between not putting up with someone's sh*t and causing trouble. My advice would be to find that line and keep your job.
Besides, whatcha gonna do when you end up in the Army with a DI with little man's syndrome screaming up at you? :D
Regards,
Aric
I had that problem with a female supervisor. Quarter of my size, but the biggest bitch in the world.
Peregrino
04-22-2005, 21:13
I really do hate to laugh at another man's problem but this time I'm going to have to! Just think of it as a "pre-test" for the QP career you aspire towards. Solve it without compromising yourself and you will have achieved something worthwhile. Then at some not so distant point in the future, you can look forward to persuading a HN officer who treats all NCOs as 3rd class "not even citizens" to do something that will actually require integrity and possibly personal sacrifice. You will have graduated with honors if he then introduces you to his sister - and she's good looking and available. :D Bottom Line - The secret to our (QP) success is the ability to manipulate people. Think of it as an opportunity to practice. Peregrino
Goggles Pizano
04-22-2005, 21:59
I really do hate to laugh at another man's problem but this time I'm going to have to! Just think of it as a "pre-test" for the QP career you aspire towards. Solve it without compromising yourself and you will have achieved something worthwhile. Then at some not so distant point in the future, you can look forward to persuading a HN officer who treats all NCOs as 3rd class "not even citizens" to do something that will actually require integrity and possibly personal sacrifice. You will have graduated with honors if he then introduces you to his sister - and she's good looking and available. :D Bottom Line - The secret to our (QP) success is the ability to manipulate people. Think of it as an opportunity to practice. Peregrino
You Sir , have a window to life that very few have opened! LOL! I hope the lad follows your advice! :D
Im not an especialy dominant type person, what I mean is I don't accept anyones dominancy over me, (
Hi Scrappy,
Your first few minutes in Basic will help develop your ability to deal with this comment. When you unload that cattle car (bus, sorta thing) and that Drill Sgt starts doing his job, you will find a new level of tolerance. It won't take long for you to learn that when handed a shit sandwich you don't ask for salt. You just eat it and Drive On.
Good luck to you and thanks for wanting to serve your country.
People like this guy are a test. You can almost never become friends because he is too stupid and deficit in character to earn your respect. You need to rise above him. Unfortunately, some people construe kindness and tolerance for weakness.
If you have to settle directly with this guy, do it, but don't make it public.
The Reaper
04-23-2005, 22:04
Scrappy:
Do not ignore the possibility that you might be wrong, and it is you.
You may want to seek the counsel of your other co-workers.
TR
I really do hate to laugh at another man's problem but this time I'm going to have to! Just think of it as a "pre-test" for the QP career you aspire towards. Solve it without compromising yourself and you will have achieved something worthwhile. Then at some not so distant point in the future, you can look forward to persuading a HN officer who treats all NCOs as 3rd class "not even citizens" to do something that will actually require integrity and possibly personal sacrifice. You will have graduated with honors if he then introduces you to his sister - and she's good looking and available. :D Bottom Line - The secret to our (QP) success is the ability to manipulate people. Think of it as an opportunity to practice. Peregrino
After a couple days off and away from the fellow, I am a bit more relaxed and can see the humour of the situation, though I have yet to bring myself to laugh about it. Unfortunatly I have not formulated a plan to difuse the situation, I am hoping that the addition of another crew to the team tommorow will help as he will have more than enough people to argue with over equipment, jobs, and positioning. He one of those people that if you give an inch they want a mile. The funny thing is after a few drinks(mostly him, I personally dont drink very much) him and I get along famously! I suppose I could just keep him hammered! ;)
As for manipulation, thats what drew me to the the Green Berets and also how i landed my 18xray contract, even though there were several more qualified people fighting for it. I talked my way into an interview with the SF recruiter even though I didnt have a highschool diploma and had a minor police record. After half an hour with the guy he was telling me war stories and we were laughing like old friends. He shot me straight though, and told me there was a limited number of the contracts to be awarded and in two weeks he had to make a decision. He told me I had two weeks to come up with a diploma or 15 college hours, or just wait until they had more spaces to fill. Eleven days later I walked into his office with a transcript for 16 college hours(4 four hour classes) that I had CLEPed out of. I won my contract. I never get tired of telling that story, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Do not ignore the possibility that you might be wrong, and it is you.
You may want to seek the counsel of your other co-workers.
TR
I did consider this and am not rulling it out, I know I only poured gas on the fire when I argued with him. I am very quite and easy going and worry more about other people than myself, its very uncommon for me not to get along. I also knew everyone on the crew so it was easy for me to slide in. I knew him as well and went out of my way to try to make him part of the group and keep him involved. It sucks to be the odd man out and I felt bad for him.
Yeash, its 4:45am, we are heading out for Oklahoma at 6:00am, I need to get packin'. We will be on the job for a while, but I'll check in on you gents when I get the chance.
alphamale
04-24-2005, 14:14
Peregrino,
Have you seen Hotel Rwanda. http://www.mgm.com/ua/hotelrwanda/intro.html
I think the protagonist in that movie displays some good skills in getting the must more powerful generals, good ones and bad ones, to do what he wanted for a good end result.
FrontSight
Peregrino
04-24-2005, 14:24
Peregrino,
Have you seen Hotel Rwanda. http://www.mgm.com/ua/hotelrwanda/intro.html
I think the protagonist in that movie displays some good skills in getting the must more powerful generals, good ones and bad ones, to do what he wanted for a good end result.
FrontSight
Not my normal choice of movie, I'll have to check it out when it hits satellite.
frostfire
04-24-2005, 18:10
I'm just a full-time wannabe until I pay my dues, but if I may share one among other things I learnt from this site, which most strengthen my conviction in SF:
I always try to focus on two lessons I learned from older smarter soldiers. First, develop selflessness. It's the most important trait you can have in SF (or anywhere). Help others and contribute to the Team's success even if it makes your life temporarily harder.
.....
I am here to contribute to the success of the Team. ....... That does not mean I am here to be a puppet and just do every dumb thing that comes down the pipe. ..........be a contributor to the success of your Team.
I've been putting the concept to practice for quite a while with co-workers, roommates, lady-friend, etc. ....all the way to cleaning others toilet mess. If it doesn't cost me my life/conviction or hurt those dearest to me, I'll slay my ego and do it/cope with it. In a nut shell, if you can serve even a** holes, then more than likely you can serve well your mission and those who deserve it. I see it like NDD's toughening the mind training and humility.
aricbcool
04-25-2005, 16:23
and for all you folks who harp about the 'small man complex' i'm 5'8", 160lbs...i was the smallest guy on my high school football roster, the smallest guy in my squad in the 82nd and the smallest guy on every A-detachment i served on...while there are some small guys who bark alot, act bad and such as that...i've usually made my way around through foot speed (when i was waaay younger), mental quickness (see above) and employing a good sense of humor...small men are no more hyper-aggressive than big guys are stupid galoots...i hardly ever act aggressive toward anyone, but since childhood, i've never needed to be...i've always pulled my weight and expect the same of everyone else...except for girls with skinny arms who want big avatars...there, i make an exception...
lksteve,
My apologies. I wasn't trying to make any blanket statements about us shorter guys (I'm 5-8 myself). It's just a mentality I've run into before on a few different occasions. In the end, it's just a person overcompensating for their own insecurity, and certainly does not apply to everyone of said stature.
Respectfully,
Aric
NousDefionsDoc
04-25-2005, 16:37
I really do hate to laugh at another man's problem but this time I'm going to have to! Just think of it as a "pre-test" for the QP career you aspire towards. Solve it without compromising yourself and you will have achieved something worthwhile. Then at some not so distant point in the future, you can look forward to persuading a HN officer who treats all NCOs as 3rd class "not even citizens" to do something that will actually require integrity and possibly personal sacrifice. You will have graduated with honors if he then introduces you to his sister - and she's good looking and available. :D Bottom Line - The secret to our (QP) success is the ability to manipulate people. Think of it as an opportunity to practice. Peregrino
I've had a lot of luck pissing on them and all their crap and eating out of their bowls and growling out them when they complain about it. :)
Peregrino
04-25-2005, 17:17
I've had a lot of luck pissing on them and all their crap and eating out of their bowls and growling out them when they complain about it. :)
Not fair - Medics get special dispensation! Vivisection always came to mind when my medics were in a foul mood. I've seen HN guys I knew for a fact would not hesitate to shoot somebody turn white as a sheet at a medic's smile. Sort of like Sand Sharks not wanting to mess with a Great White. Probably had something to do with good drugs and a willingness to do experimental proceedures without the victi --- uh patient's consent. :p
lksteve,
My apologies. I wasn't trying to make any blanket statements about us shorter guys
no need to apologize...hell, there's not even a need to claim responsibility...remember, deny, lie, counteraccusations...i didn't intend to single out any one comment...the expression 'small man's complex' and the like goes around a lot...i think the individual in question has maturity issues more so than size issues...
that;'s my $0.02 worth...