What If Superheroes Were Real ??

[Box]

I wish I could say this thread came from my own imagination – but it didn’t the idea came from a rather vanilla list of things that would happen if superheroes were real. I saw it on another site and I knew that I had to put my own spin on it for my selfish personal entertainment.
In a nutshell, I ask you…

What would we do with real superheroes in modern-day America?

Imagine if you will, Wayne Enterprises and where it fits in our current cultural landscape.
First, it prides itself on being a green company. A green company that dips its beak into industries that could hardly be considered “green” – Aerospace, Automotive, Chemicals, Cattle Ranching, Mining, Oil, Weapons, and of course – Pharmaceuticals.
“Green” Mr. Wayne ???
Really?
So – which version of the COVID vaccine is Alfred working on in the Bat Cave?
Let's not forget Wayne Technologies which happens to be the biggest division within Wayne Technologies. So, knee-deep in the tech industries while claiming to be green. I wonder how much business Mr. Wayne does with the Chinese.

So let's break this down – Bruce Wayne is supposedly worth upwards of 80 Billion dollars. He has his fingers in so many pies that its impossible to list them all and even though he dabbles in things like oil and weapons manufacturing, his company’s virtue signal is “green”
Not very surprising when you consider that his alter ego is a vigilante using his riches to operate so far outside the law that it simply isn’t funny. I assume Drinker Pel0si and her sidekick Shiff have been investigating Batman’s possible ties to the Russian mob because we all know that they are two of the most righteous politicians in government and that NO-ONE-IS-ABOVE-THE-LAW.
Legislating his own morality in darkness – concealing his true worth so he can operate a massive extrajudicial and clearly selective crime-fighting organization.
…because a real Batman would make sure the politicians weren’t fucking us over wouldn’t he?
WOULDN’T HE?

Wrap that up with the fact that Wayne Entertainment is the parent company of The Daily Planet. This mother fucker literally has Superman’s alter ego on his payroll.

I wonder if Mr. Wayne's name and bank statements would have turned up in the Panama Papers.

[Old Dog New Trick]

I wonder if Mr. Wayne's name and bank statements would have turned up in the Panama Papers.

I believe they certainly would, but the holding companies would be tied to the Cl!nt0n Cr!m3 Fam!ly Fo0undat!0n and be given a pass on federal scrutiny.


Louis and Jimmy are gonna be pissed and Clark is just going to melt something down when he finds out.

And lastly, Robin can come out of the closet finally and sport a rainbow cape.

[Badger52]

Louis and Jimmy are gonna be pissed and Clark is just going to melt something down when he finds out.

So she transitioned and now Superman is.... ewwwww.
:(

[Old Dog New Trick]

Lois

:o

[Box]

So... we can look a little deeper into the superman problem as well.

Congress tries to regulate everything - I imagine rules would start popping up that kept him from flying between midnight and 6am - maybe on Sundays. All of that "faster than a speeding bullet" shit is going to cause sound barrier issues.
Besides - is he going to have federal jurisdiction? Arrest authority?
Has there been an environmental study done on his x-ray vision?
...which political party is he going to side with?
...wouldn't we want him in the military instead of dealing with petty criminals?

Imagine the social media posts the morning after the Tucker Carlson - wonder Woman interview.

[Roguish Lawyer]

Superperson, you sexist pig

[bblhead672]

Superperson, you sexist pig

Being super is racist.

[Box]

You gents need to go back a reread some stuff...

I believe I have a long and clear posting history of chosing my words carefully.
superMAN
wonderWOMAN
batMAN

I would NEVER dare to assume a superheroes gender.
They are free to declare their pronouns - not to mention the claim of "sexist"
In no way whatsoever do I discriminate based on sex or gender, or even the belief that men are superior to women.

I would even argue that the superheroes themselves (at least the oppressive patriarchal male superheroes) aren't even sexist - they are however misogynistic.

The Justice League doesn't exclude women.
"Wonder Woman" is the quintessential example.

The Justice league does however, hold them in contempt.
Sure, Wonder Woman is a badass but look at how they make her dress. The Justice League has objectified her sexuality and empowered her with what can only be described as a subtle but obvious sexualized capabilities...
...who else but Wonder Woman would tie you up with a golden lasso, and force you to tell the truth?

What about Super Girl?
Same family, same powers, and she is OLDER than superMAN
she was actually sent to be his protector
...but she's just a girl

Batgirl?
She doesnt have batMans wealth, resources, or external support structure. He rides a motorcycle with a sidecar. She darts around on two wheels like she owns gravity - and how many times has she pulled his ass out of a bind?
...but she's just a girl.

Aquaman - Aquagirl - its almost like a pattern developing here.

Have you ever heard of the superhero Wonder Man walking the halls at the Justice League?
of course not - because wonder man is a STUPID name for a super hero.


Don't you folks dare point the dirty dirty finger of white male guilt my way. I recognize comic book misogyny when I see it and The Justice League has it in spades.

[Roguish Lawyer]

...who else but Wonder Woman would tie you up with a golden lasso, and force you to tell the truth?


You'd be amazed . . .