View Full Version : Frivolous Amazon Purchases
So...
When the zombie virus first hit, I started teleworking. Sitting in my easy chair in my jammies drinking coffee, petting my dog, eating grilled bologna egg and cheese sammiches on a paper plate while simultaneously answering work-related emails really fucked up my sleep patterns.
After a month or so I started doing like everyone else and getting useless crap through online delivery services. I got a couple of those "Nature Sound" CDs that help you sleep. The one that I liked the most was humpback whales. It was like elevator music had babies with a techno band. Recently I bought a universal translator. I haven't had much use for it, but then I got told to start teleworking again because of the gas shortage that is being called a routine supply crunch by the current administration.
With time on my hands, I decided to run one of my "Nature Sounds" CDs through my universal translator.
Two of the humpback whales were arguing about a recent breakup. It seems that "Humpback" is a really good name for those gossipy cheating ass seaborne mammals. Wouldn't it be fucked up if somebody recorded you fighting with your old lady and then sold that shit online to help people sleep?
You have found nirvana
:lifter:D:lifter
They've got CD's out there of birds too Box. Don't avoid the temptation!! Plug one in and tell us what the birds are saying?? :munchin
They've got CD's out there of birds too Box. Don't avoid the temptation!! Plug one in and tell us what the birds are saying?? :munchin
Been there - done that - and if you want to Venmo or Cash App me a few bucks, I'll tell you why the chicken REALLY crossed the road.
TOMAHAWK9521
05-14-2021, 08:48
They've got CD's out there of birds too Box. Don't avoid the temptation!! Plug one in and tell us what the birds are saying?? :munchin
Don’t fall for the bird song CDs if you already have the whale song CDs and vice versa. It’s the same damn animals but they’re being broadcasted at different recording speeds and sold as entirely different species.
To quote Admiral Akbar, “IT”S A TRAP!”
rsdengler
05-14-2021, 08:49
I have the rain CD, it helps a bit. Only thing, I feel like running around and jumping in puddles.....
I have the rain CD, it helps a bit. Only thing, I feel like running around and jumping in puddles.....
Whatever you do - NEVER - EVER
NEVEREVEREVER play the Rain CD through a universal translator. The things that nature has to say about earth inhabitants is WAAAAY worse than the shit those chickens have been saying.
rsdengler
05-14-2021, 12:27
Whatever you do - NEVER - EVER
NEVEREVEREVER play the Rain CD through a universal translator. The things that nature has to say about earth inhabitants is WAAAAY worse than the shit those chickens have been saying.
I wonder what it does subconsciously in that head of mine while I'm fast asleep. If I'm really asleep at all, hmmmmm makes you wonder.
I wonder what it does subconsciously in that head of mine while I'm fast asleep. If I'm really asleep at all, hmmmmm makes you wonder.
If you listen for too long without a break it will turn you into a democrat that longs to have their hair sniffed by Uncle Joe.
be VERY careful with that CD - the subliminal messaging can be downright catastrophic to your emotional well being
If you are already bathing in Patchouli oil and drinking herb tea with your gluten free vegan diet, it may be too late to prevent permanent damage
Last hard class
05-14-2021, 13:45
I'll tell you why the chicken REALLY crossed the road.
Used to drive our Arabic instructor nuts with that one. "Mr LHC. Why do you guys always talk about a chicken crossing the road? Do Chickens really do that. And why do you keep saying the Spanish teacher down the hall has a bun in the oven. There is no oven in this building. What is this bun you are talking about?"
It's the little things:D
LHC
tom kelly
05-14-2021, 14:13
With the adulteration of colloquial english and the prolific words of rappers, We may have to start communicating in Latin. The meaning of words, phrases and trite expressions like F_ _K YOU. have a different intention for the subject and the object of the action....GOT THAT....MAN....WTF.
Don’t fall for the bird song CDs if you already have the whale song CDs and vice versa. It’s the same damn animals but they’re being broadcasted at different recording speeds and sold as entirely different species.
To quote Admiral Akbar, “IT”S A TRAP!”
Sheesh!! Who knew?? I've been falling asleep to this stuff for years!! I been horns waggled by capitalism when all I had to do was buy one and change speeds!! :o
This is a highly informative thread All this explains why I have this urge to dye my hair purple, get a nose ring and tattoo "I luv Obama" on my A$$!! :eek:
How do I compensate?? If I play patriotic tunes, I'll likely get a giant Hard On which will hardly help me fall asleep!! Probably wake up wanting to buy more guns and ammo.
Is this the Right Place to seek Help??
Old Dog New Trick
05-15-2021, 11:00
Whatever you do…do not play the translation backwards at a slower speed or the source data. The damage could be irreversible!
Wait…ETA: Maybe we do need to put everything the last 14 months into the way back machine and play it backwards through the translator.