View Full Version : Airlines Pre-Boarding Announcement
Team Sergeant
05-05-2016, 12:44
So a few weeks ago I had to fly somewhere. Got my tickets and was standing there listening to the e "hostess" "announcer" "flight DJ" "waitress", whatever you call them announce the boarding. I just wish I hit recording on my phone when she started talking:
"Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 1134 to Nome. We are now inviting those VIP and Executive Platinum members. Thank you. We are now inviting those Emerald and Sapphire members. Thank you. We are now inviting those Ruby and Gold members. And now our Platinum and Silver members. Thank you. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready.
We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready.
Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time.
Thank you."
What I heard was:
"Good afternoon sheeple. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 1134 to Nome. We are now inviting those Unobtainium and Rich Corporate members to board. Thank you. We are now inviting those Wealthy and Slightly Less Affluent members. Thank you. We are now inviting those Rolling In It and Prosperous members. And now our Very Upper Class and Upper Class members. Thank you. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready.
We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready.
Unfortunate boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time.
Thank you."
I was part of the Unfortunate boarding members.
It was better than listening to the TSA and DHS "threat level magenta" warnings.......
"If you see something say something"...... You know some idiot is head of her section for coining that phrase.....
Before long, they will have a "steerage" section and place people like me there.
For refreshments, we will get ice chips and honey-roasted peanut scraps!
Before long, they will have a "steerage" section and place people like me there.
For refreshments, we will get ice chips and honey-roasted peanut scraps!
No, you'll get a cup of bilge water and will be allowed to have one lick from a honey-roasted peanut bag .... and you'll like it.
Thank you for flying with us .... Whose next ???
No, you'll get a cup of bilge water and will be allowed to have one lick from a honey-roasted peanut bag .... and you'll like it.
Thank you for flying with us .... Whose next ???
Nothing like a warm cup of bilge water at 30,000 feet to get the intestines working.
In all seriousness, it's saddening that we have gone from 1st class and coach to so many "sub-classes."
I was once one of those "upper crust" flyers and all because .mil made me fly a lot. 100K miles a year for about 10 years. So it wasn't the $ spent, it was the amount of miles flown...
These days...I'm half way back of the bus. A least being a Million Miler gets me a little more leg room. But that's about it. FF programs really have gone down hill in the past several years.
I worked for these guys for about a year at LAX. Nothing like foie gras on toast points in the cockpit for breakfast. Being a dispatcher, I didn't have to stay in the cockpit. ;) The bar the model is leaning on had a oven/stove/grill behind it and they cooked meals to order during the flight as well as the full service bar. Behind the curtains that the other model is at were suites of 2/2 seats facing each other that could be turned into beds.
Behind the camera was kind of a home theater area with 5 or 6 lounge seats to watch movies.
ETA: Behind the suites, in front of the D.B. Cooper exit, was a hair styling salon.
Peasants! :p
Pat
Golf1echo
05-06-2016, 02:00
I despise flying anymore, not to many industries that sell you a product and then modify it as they please without ramifications....
I have been curious where and what kind of planes the following images came from?
1stindoor
05-06-2016, 06:42
I just returned from a trip to Rochester, NY. First time I've flown commercial in more than three years. I hate flying anymore. Top of my reasons why I don't fly is the TSA, followed closely by the amount of sheeple walking cluelessly through the airport with their head down staring at a phone.
I despise flying anymore, not to many industries that sell you a product and then modify it as they please without ramifications....
I have been curious where and what kind of planes the following images came from?
That's the A380's crew sleeping quarters.
https://www.google.com/search?q=a380+crew+sleeping+quarters&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-Address&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjPq5i56sXMAhUC8GMKHVk-CQ0Q_AUIBygB&biw=1096&bih=543
Pat
Gold Eagle
05-06-2016, 10:41
I have not flown in over 25 years. I thought special needs folks boarded first?
I have not flown in over 25 years. I thought special needs folks boarded first?
First on at the gate; last off in the Hudson River. ;)
Pat
I have not flown in over 25 years. I thought special needs folks boarded first?
GE,
This is still the case when flying certain Airlines.
It is important for the safety of the Disabled traveler to have a seat that will accommodate them, as well as those traveling with them as assists.
Southwest is by far the Best in my experience, and it never hurts to bring the flight attendants candy.;). They love candy.
Sadly, yes if the plane ✈ was to "go down", then it is the job of those, like myself, who are traveling with them to get them to safety. And I sure the hell would put them above my own.
JMHO,
Holly:munchin
Peregrino
05-06-2016, 11:59
Hey look minion you need to learn your place. In the emplacement of European Socialism we are going to a cast system of equals. Learn your place and stay there. You need to learn that while everyone is equal some people, like the Clinton's and their like are better than you and due to the needs of the society, the rules do not apply and they get more equal treatment. The lesson here is STFU and obey what the collective has told you to do and stop that independent thinking crap, it has no place in modern society.
Wait a minute! You're messing with the social order, confusing minion and menial. Don't talk down to the minions; we have purpose, function, responsibilities, and derivative power (that we're perfectly willing to use to enforce said social order!).
Obsequious groveling is the appropriate response.
That's the A380's crew sleeping quarters.
https://www.google.com/search?q=a380+crew+sleeping+quarters&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-Address&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjPq5i56sXMAhUC8GMKHVk-CQ0Q_AUIBygB&biw=1096&bih=543
Pat
Bullseye!
Nice crew rest compartments in A380, 777, and 747(up in the lower portion of the tail). Those are the only ones I'm aware of.
I reckon Southwest Airlines has it right with no assigned seating, just assigned boarding order which you can pay a small premium to move closer to the front of the queue and sit where you want, or in whatever middle seats are left.
Personally, I don't care where I sit as long as I have an aisle seat.
To me, airline pre-boarding is an example of human herding behaviour and desire to be momentarily viewed as somehow superior to their fellow sheep.
DIYPatriot
05-07-2016, 11:03
I reckon Southwest Airlines has it right with no assigned seating, just assigned boarding order which you can pay a small premium to move closer to the front of the queue and sit where you want, or in whatever middle seats are left.
We fly Southwest as often as we possibly can. On one particular flight, the stewardess noticed my son (age 4 at the time) was really nervous and a bit scared. So, she asked him if she could see his soccer ball and rolled it down the aisle like a bowling ball on take off - just to ease his mind and try to make light of something that he viewed as stressful. The captain came out after the flight and gave him some wings (and other kids too). Thought that was mighty classy of them.