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NousDefionsDoc
11-30-2004, 01:13
Sears/Kmart Acquires France
The retail industry received another shake-up today as Sears Holding Corp. (NYSE: S), the parent company behind the recent merger of Sears and Kmart, announced the acquisition of embattled European cheesemaker France (NASDAQ: FROG). The buyout deal, estimated at $2.7 billion, will position Sears/Kmart/France as the world's third largest retailer and 15th ranked military power.

Reaction of Wall Street was mixed, with shares of Paris-based France rising 11% in late trading after the announcement, while Hoffman Estates, IL-based Sears Holdings dropped 19%.

"The acquisition of France indicates there will be further consolidation within the low-end, weird-smelling retail segment," said Ivan Kaplan, a retail analyst with Bear Stearns. "I wouldn't be surprised if Sears picks up another floundering discounter like Winn-Dixie. Or possibly Spain."

Gary Reed, an analyst with UBS, said the deal would position Sears/Kmart/France to remain competitive against mega-retailer Wal-Mart (NYSE: WMT).

"It only makes sense for them to united to face a common foe," said Reed. "Both Sears and Kmart have lost significant retail share to Wal-Mart, and France recently surrendered Provence after the invasion of paratroopers from the 131st Wal-Mart Greeter Airborne."

"Attention Kmart shoppers! The glory of France, she is born anew," crowed France CEO Jacques Chirac, who will continue as head of the corporation's Northeast regional merchandising division.

Terms And Conditions

Under terms of the deal, Sears and Kmart will operate separately each with a distinctive brand identity. France will be given dedicated floorspace within each retailer, near housewares, complete with its own airspace, currency, language rights, and pay toilets.

"Like Martha Stewart or Jacklyn Smith intimate apparel, we believe France will be a valuable brand for attracting and retaining new customers to Kmart," said Kmart spokeswoman Jill Carpenter. "Our research shows that retail consumers are increasingly seeking convenience, value, and obnoxious smelly sales clerks."

According to Senior Strategy VP Jim Bailey, France will focus on hard goods within Sears stores.

"We are very excited about market synergies," said Bailey. "By selling France-brand cars and appliances, we see a real opportunity for Craftsman tools, repair kits and duct tape."

Bailey added that Sears would also immediately discontinue all warrantee programs.

While the deal still needs to be approved by France stockholders and the United Nations, little opposition is expected after the European conglomerate recently announced its 227th consecutive quarterly decline.

Rocky History


Founded in 1107, France was once a marketing powerhouse in Europe, commanding a 27% share of the continent as recently as 1775. However, a series of strategic miscues have sent the once-thriving cheesemaker into a steep two-century decline.

A bloody management shake-up in 1789, followed by ill-timed entries into to the Belgian and Russian markets, left France scrambling for new product lines. They briefly rebounded in the mid-1800s with the vaunted "softer side of Impressionism" campaign, but the "L'Affaire Dreyfus" line proved unpopular with Jewish consumers. At the fin-de-siècle, France was facing another management crisis.

In 1914, it embarked on an aggressive turf battle against a raft of regional competitors, resulting in another market share collapse and the loss of 20 million employees. After a bailout from the US government, it briefly rebounded after winning a class action suit against rival Germany.

When Germany responded by with an aggressive campaign for shelf space, France's workforce rose up and signed non-compete agreements. During the period it operated as VichyMart. Another US government bailout followed in 1944-5.

In subsequent years, ill-timed forays into developing markets like Southeast Asia and North Africa left the cheesemaker financially and psychologically shattered, facing an ever-declining share in world relevance. In recent years, it has restricted its development efforts to silent partnerships with Iraq and Saudi Arabia.

Uncertain Future

Many analysts remain skeptical whether the three way deal between Sears, Kmart and France will yield any short-term benefits to investors.

"Frankly, I'm worried that France has some serious productivity issues," said Kaplan. "They could probably address these with a round of layoffs, but we don't have any evidence that anyone actually works there."

"Being associated with France is likely to cause serious damage Kmart's quality reputation," said Bart Matthews of Smith Barney. "I am advising my clients to wait for the expected merger of Pep Boys with the Ukraine."

Others believe that the blockbuster deal will reap a windfall.

"There are a number of strategic moves that this deal opens up," explained Reed. "Now that they are a nuclear power and a member of the UN Security Council, Sears can invoke international sanctions against Wal Mart, and order airstrikes against Bentonville, Arkansas."

Whatever strategic moves may be in the future, Dennis Beezley of Glenn Rauch Securities says that he expects the corporate transition to be smooth.

"If you look at their history, one thing is certain," he said. "France is used to hostile takeovers."

Roguish Lawyer
11-30-2004, 10:37
Lol

Sacamuelas
11-30-2004, 11:26
LOL

Some more on the phrench:


"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. “
“France has usually been governed by prostitutes." ---Mark Twain
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"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."--- General George S. Patton
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"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."--Norman Schwartzkopf
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"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
---- Marge Simpson
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"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"--Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh
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"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."--- Regis Philbin
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There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and beautiful young woman sitting together in a carriage in a train going through a French Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel the woman and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face where he had been slapped. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed her and she missed him and slapped me instead.' The woman was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'
__________________________________________________ _______

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
__________________________________________________ _______

An old saying:
Raise your right hand if you like the French....
Raise both hands if you are French.
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"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
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"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
---Jay Leno
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"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."--David Letterman

CPTAUSRET
11-30-2004, 14:14
Funny stuff.

Terry