View Full Version : What will you make sure and teach your son
craigepo
09-21-2013, 17:51
I am doing some research, and wanted to pick some of your brains. These questions pertain to what you ensure that your son knows before you turn him loose on the world (and turn the world loose on him)
1) What skill/custom/manner/whatever do you want to impress upon your son before he leaves the nest?
2) What lessons have you learned the hard way that you want to prepare your son for?
Thanks a bunch for the time and thought.
Trapper John
09-21-2013, 17:56
Rudyard Kipling has the best advice, IMO. I still try to live by it and urge my son to strive for this too.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
"There's no stopping a man who knows he's right and keeps on coming."
Old Dog New Trick
09-21-2013, 18:14
I am doing some research, and wanted to pick some of your brains. These questions pertain to what you ensure that your son knows before you turn him loose on the world (and turn the world loose on him)
1) What skill/custom/manner/whatever do you want to impress upon your son before he leaves the nest?
2) What lessons have you learned the hard way that you want to prepare your son for?
Thanks a bunch for the time and thought.
I will have to get back to this one.
My wife and I are raising a single boy late in our lives. He's six now, I'm 50 and wife is still 39 (+3). :p
Let them play until they are at least six, school and education will come soon enough, watch what they watch (media) and watch your language, they pick up on everything you hoped they wouldn't.
Mine's had an iPad since he was about three and we helped him learn on it before that, he knows more about it than I do. It's not a lie, if you get a new TV and can't figure out the remote just give it to the kid...
Keep apps age appropriate and use parental controls like a SERE instructor, I have failed miserably and my kid thinks Zombie Gunship and Modern Combat 3 are child's play.
If I succeed, he'll know self-discipline, self-worth, the value of money and life, and how to achieve his desires without causing others to judge him. And if they do, the strength, courage, and knowledge to stand up for himself.
Good luck, it's a work in progress...
ETA: I hope to show him all that I've learned in my life, from all my experiences good and bad, right and wrong. If I succeed at that, he'll be just fine!
twistedsquid
09-21-2013, 18:34
Independence and self determination....
The Reaper
09-21-2013, 18:34
"A Message for Garcia" and if you are right, never, ever quit.
TR
GratefulCitizen
09-21-2013, 18:42
1) Remember that you answer to a Higher Power.
2) Provided that the potential consequences are bearable, fail early and often. You'll learn from experience.
Would also have him consider the words of Solomon:
Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;
While the sun, or the light, or the moon, or the stars, be not darkened, nor the clouds return after the rain:
In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened,
And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of musick shall be brought low;
Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high, and fears shall be in the way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets:
Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern.
Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.
And moreover, because the preacher was wise, he still taught the people knowledge; yea, he gave good heed, and sought out, and set in order many proverbs.
The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of truth.
The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd.
And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
Never, ever, ask a woman when she's due unless you can see a little head crowning between her legs.
Barbarian
09-21-2013, 21:53
1) What skill/custom/manner/whatever do you want to impress upon your son before he leaves the nest?
2) What lessons have you learned the hard way that you want to prepare your son for?
Thanks a bunch for the time and thought.
As a member of the latest generation to come to maturation, I would offer:
1: Always give of yourself, to those in need.
2: Most only live for the present and are self-interested. In a world of deceit and hardship, it is important to stand for something better. Lead by example rather than words, and be a beacon of generosity and humility.
Do not wait too long to begin, you'll find that you're out of time before you know it. My boy is about to turn 15 and my teaching his about over. I'll do my best to provide good direction and remind him that the decisions he makes now will have an effect on the rest of his life. As well as you may prepare them, using what they've been taught is completely up to them.
My son was talking about some video game (I think it was rainbow six) and he said he wanted to get a bullet proof shield for his character. I immediately looked at him and said "shields breed cowardice". :D Then we had a discussion about what that means.
craigepo
09-22-2013, 20:22
Rudyard Kipling has the best advice, IMO. I still try to live by it and urge my son to strive for this too.
I had not read Kipling in a long time. That is a classic
I will have to get back to this one.
My wife and I are raising a single boy late in our lives. He's six now, I'm 50 and wife is still 39 (+3). :p
Let them play until they are at least six, school and education will come soon enough, watch what they watch (media) and watch your language, they pick up on everything you hoped they wouldn't.
Mine's had an iPad since he was about three and we helped him learn on it before that, he knows more about it than I do. It's not a lie, if you get a new TV and can't figure out the remote just give it to the kid...
Keep apps age appropriate and use parental controls like a SERE instructor, I have failed miserably and my kid thinks Zombie Gunship and Modern Combat 3 are child's play.
If I succeed, he'll know self-discipline, self-worth, the value of money and life, and how to achieve his desires without causing others to judge him. And if they do, the strength, courage, and knowledge to stand up for himself.
Good luck, it's a work in progress...
ETA: I hope to show him all that I've learned in my life, from all my experiences good and bad, right and wrong. If I succeed at that, he'll be just fine!
same here, 47 with a 3 year old. See so many parents throw their kids in some kind of pre school. I think they get more out of playing and discovering things then learning numbers and letters. Mine can operate the IPAD and surf the ROKU. Until he got in my watch list and was watching Human Centipede....:eek:
Snaquebite
09-23-2013, 05:06
Some say you can't teach a person integrity, that may be true later in life, but it is definately a learned trait.
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”
― Albert Einstein
From the day they are born, they are watching you. Nothing you teach them will speak louder than your actions. Walk the walk, they will follow. :lifter
From the day they are born, they are watching you. Nothing you teach them will speak louder than your actions. Walk the walk, they will follow. :lifter
EXCELLENT!!! Even looking to Aristotle, to learn a behavior...pattern yourself on that behavior. I.e., to be virtous, find the virtuous man and model your life/actions off that person. That man of virtue must be YOU.
I am 52 and have 8 year old twins. I am trying to teach them "how" to think...not necessarily "what" to think.
Always love them, NO MATTER WHAT. never pass up an opportunity to hug them or to tell them they are loved. be firm. Always be loving.
Life isn't a rehearsal.
Go Devil
09-23-2013, 09:25
When I was 21, my wife was pregnant with twins.
My son did not survive birth, but my daughter did.
We have invested greatly in her development; my wife handled the great majority of emotional and relationship development while I handled the spiritual, and experiential.
Together we worked on cultural, sexual, and vocational education.
21 years have passed and the three of us agree that what our culture and clan needs more of are "Gentleman Hellions, and Capable Ladies".
To beat on the Nature vs Nurture meme, I suggest , nurturing the nature of the child.
Kids are situationally aware long before they can walk and are continually pressing and questioning the world around them. They each are naturally inclined to exhibit attractions and repulsions to any multitude of nouns and verbs. Be keen to this quality and nurture those attributes.
Feed them with words and discipline, leave the coo-cooing for grandma and grandpa, teach them to speak coherently and listen lengthily.
Take them with you and let them observe how you meet the world in work, play, devotion, and peace. Teach them to speak confidently and to meet others with a firm hand shake and a solid look in the eye.
Allow them to question EVERYTHING, be it religion, death, life, god, education, culture, and the myriad of facets that this life is made of; push them to find the answers.
Teach them to use their ears, followed by their eyes, and then their body; it is in this order that they first meet the world and is a natural progression.
Teach them the names and character of the things around them.
Let them be hot, let them be cold; expose them to the harshness and the sweetness of life.
Teach them to remember and to give respect where it is due.
Teach them to bring life and to take it as well.
Teach them husbandry of flora and fauna.
Involve them with the elderly and infirm.
Show them the desperate lives led by the desperate and despicable.
Expose them to History and the sciences. Read to them and teach them to read.
Teach them to reason with their mind and to explain their reasoning with confidence.
Teach them to argue.
Teach them to fight.
Teach them how to win and how to lose.
Teach them to be self sufficient and how to hold their own.
Teach them value and frugality, teach them to use money and not to spend.
Teach them how to dance, to make music, to create, and how to celebrate.
Teach them that life is not a peaceful coexistence, but is a continual strife for resources, and that symbiosis is possible.
Teach them to find pride in difficult situations, and to laugh at themselves.
Teach them how to mourn.
Teach them their ancestry, and their culture and the importance of family, friends, and acquaintances, and where each should stand in relation.
Teach them when and how they should be treated, and how to treat foreign behaviors.
And above all, teach them to teach these things, because you will be gone soon enough.
This recipe should provide one with a Gentleman or a Lady that will strike fear in the heart of the craven, Marxist, mouth breathing mall rat, or oligarchical tyrant.
This has given me a daughter who can clearly hold her own in a competitive environment, and I'd stack her next to any male in a similar bracket.
She can navigate, hunt, trap, fight, clear a building, and debate a multitude of positions. She makes an awesome omelette as well.
We are now studying various alcohols, their consumption, and activities that the DHS and the BATF would frown upon.
She has been given notice that her sons are mine.
As far as basic skills, I taught her to navigate and to be aware of her surroundings.
Beyond that I taught her how to make basic tools, shelter, and to feed herself.
Hopefully that helps.
GD
Always tell them you love and believe in them
Know when to stand beside them and know when to stand behind them
Teach them to be curious and innovative
As they go down the road of life, try to keep it between the ditches. If you hit the ditch, hold your head up and get back on the road
They must follow their dreams, not someone elses
I have 28 and 25 year old sons. Some things I hope have sunk into their hard skulls, in no particular order:
1) Never say I love you, unless you mean it. They are never words to be uttered to get into a girl's pants.
2) If you have a fight with a friend, punch him in the nose, and get over it. Friendship is a dear thing, and shouldn't be spoiled over petty bullshit.
3) Always have your brother's back.
4) Treat women with respect. I don't care if she is a prostitute or Mother Teresa.
5) Your word is your bond. If you go back on your word, you will go back on anything. And when push comes to shove, it is one of the few things you can truly call your own.
6) Call your mom often. Don't forget that dad likes to hear from you once in a while too.
7) Learn how to write a letter. Text messages and emails are deleted. Letters become treasures.
8) Make mistakes, just try not to make the same mistake twice
TrapLine
09-23-2013, 19:45
There is some great advice here and I pray for the strength and wisdom to teach my two boys these lessons while leading them by example. I have often thought about Kipling's poem and the personal qualities it outlines - though often falling short of that call.
A Message to Garcia and the post below by Big Teddy are also words that come to mind when considering the privilege before me.
http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=420710&postcount=1
twistedsquid
09-23-2013, 20:31
"Stand apart and be ye different."
Badger52
09-24-2013, 06:58
From the day they are born, they are watching you. Nothing you teach them will speak louder than your actions. Walk the walk, they will follow. :lifterI would add for the parent; take care of yourself so you can hang around. If you're really curious you may not know the sum of what you've taught until evidenced a couple decades later.
;)
frostfire
09-24-2013, 14:37
1) Never say I love you, unless you mean it.
My dad came from traditional values and I remember he told that when he was growing up, if he dropped those words and did not asked the girl (and her parents) for marriage, the girls family would have his head. Somehow that lesson sticks with me :D
Let's see....things I learned from my colleagues who are dad/moms:
- Values are caught, not taught (ie. they'll imitate you more than listen to or obey you)
- Dont judge someone based on their mistakes, but what they do afterwards
....and from the gracious lady Anna Eleanor Roosevelt (October 11, 1884–November 7, 1962) :
Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.
One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all-knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.
When life is too easy for us, we must beware or we may not be ready to meet the blows which sooner or later come to everyone, rich or poor.
One of the best ways of enslaving a people is to keep them from education. The second way of enslaving a people is to suppress the sources of information, not only by burning books but by controlling all the other ways in which ideas are transmitted.
Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product. Paradoxically, the one sure way not to be happy is deliberately to map out a way of life in which one would please oneself completely and exclusively.
It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
craigepo
09-25-2013, 14:20
Thanks folks. These have been really, really good.
PedOncoDoc
09-25-2013, 14:35
There's a wonderful list of things at this thread (http://professionalsoldiers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19096&highlight=godson). I read through it every few months when looking for new things to teach my little man.
DJ Urbanovsky
09-25-2013, 15:12
Intestinal fortitude, determination, and drive will get you a lot further than pure talent alone. Winners never quit.
Originally Posted by SPEC4
"From the day they are born, they are watching you. Nothing you teach them will speak louder than your actions. Walk the walk, they will follow."
I am 58 and have two sons, a 16 year old ( HS Junior) and a 19 year old College Sophmore.) My best advice is spend as much time with them as possible, for the above reason, eloquently stated by SPEC4.
Take them on trips and outdoor adventures. Mine first hiked Mt. Leconte, TN at 5 and 8. They ran their first real race, a 1 mile fun run at age 4. My wife and I "trained" with them regularly. Take them hunting and fishing. They did Philmont and Northern Tier as Scouts. Speaking of...
Don't underestimate the experience of Boy Scouts. To hell with the new regs. Find a good troop. The Scout Oath and Scout Law should be a template for every man's life. My oldest is an Eagle and youngest is working on his Eagle Project. Be a Scout Adult Leader.
Let them experiment. With sports, activities, music lessons, academics. Don't try to channel them into your mold. Make them finish what they start, i.e., a soccer season, even if they hate it, because they made a commitment. But make it clear that they can do something else next year.
There is a God. Let them know Him. Your example is crucial here.
Read to them. Read with them. On trips, listen to audiobooks with them. Mine listened to "The Hobbit" and "the Lord of Rings" twice before the movies came out, mostly at bedtime. Tolkien actually is a good lesson in honor and duty and standing up to evil.
Teach them structure and time management. Have them be able to wake themslves with an alarm clock by the end of 7th Grade. Have them develope study time after school. My oldest liked it right after school and my youngest after supper. Give them the flexibilty to set it up.
Teach them that service to others is the greatest gift that you can give. Teach via your own example. And that it is not for rewards or recognition, but because it's right.
Tell them that you love them EVERY DAY. Hug them, kiss them. And always LISTEN to them. They want you to know what's going on with them, even when they claim that they don't.
And finally....Discipline, including "Spare the rod and spoil the child." My Dad never once used a belt on my behind that I didn't deserve it. Mine can say the same and DO. LOL!
My sons and their Coach (NOT ME) after winning the State 1-4A Swimming Championship, 2011. The little one was the youngest swimmer to score points in the meet (1) and the oldest was team captain. Proudest day of life, bar NONE!
Be, know, do - be who you are, know who you are, do what is right even if you think nobody is watching...somebody is always watching.
Richard
The most telling thing my Father told me on one of our 'drives' was this pearl.
I was 17 and a Junior.
He asked me if the high school kids looked 'adult' when I was a grade schooler...and I said that they did.
He asked me if I felt like an adult or as old as they looked then and I said that I did not.
He asked if He looked confident, in charge, composed all of the time and I said he did.
He then told me that he was constantly confused, afraid of situations in business and life and did not have 'the answers'....He then asked if I could see that in him and I said no way.
Then he said this......"Everyone is afraid and confused on a daily basis....it is man's most common state and you will always, always, be confounded by the plethora of decisions available. You will always be afraid of something or confused by something...get use to it, understand it and know that EVERYONE feels that way no matter how confident they appear.
I am successful because I know it is a common state, I know how to act confident, make a choice and do what I've chosen.
If you realize that confusion is common it is no issue.
If you can remain calm, make a choice and do what needs doing people will follow you.
THAT was the best thing he ever taught me.
Think for yourself , trust your instincts, and die trying.
Time is the most precious commodity.
A man is only as good as his word.
Trust only those with skin in the game.
Humor can get you through anything.
mark46th
09-26-2013, 14:14
When my son was younger, less than 12 years old, I took him everywhere I could. As he got a little older, I would get him involved in activities that would require him to make decisions. I would talk to him later about what he did and why he did it. If he was wrong I would tell him and suggest a better course of action. I can't ever remember getting angry with him. He grew up to be a responsible adult. He is a good father and husband. That is all I ever wanted him to be.,
The following is an excerpt from an article on Coach John Wooden. It discusses things Coach Wooden learned from his father, Joshua Wooden. The four things below were given to him by his father on a card which he kept in his wallet until the card finally fell apart.
http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/foundations/character-development/john-woodens-legacy#.UkWv5iifMso
Four things a man must learn to do
If he would make his life more true:
• To think without confusion clearly,
• To love his fellow man sincerely,
•
To act from honest motives purely,
• To trust in God and heaven securely.
On the other side was a seven-point creed that read:
• Be true to yourself
• Help others
• Make friendship a fine art
• Drink deeply from good books
• Make each day your masterpiece
• Build a shelter against a rainy day
• Give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.
Let me close with one more choice verse Joshua gave to John, this time when the Coach’s son was born in 1936:
A careful man I must be;
A little fellow follows me.
I know I dare not go astray;
For fear he’ll go the self-same way.
He thinks that I am good and fine;
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see;
This little chap who follows me.
I must be careful as I go;
Through summer sun and winter snow.
Because I am building, for the years to be;
This little chap who follows me.