View Full Version : I have it all, she said
Our weekend started today when I picked the wife up from her job. During the ride home she lamented as to how she would have to remember to take quarters with her Monday in order to pay for parking. Normally I take her to work each day as our hours are such that we start work at the same time but I get off ½ hour before she does.
She reminded me as to how she had to drive to work that day because I had a long weekend wasn’t I the lucky one! In fact I do have a four day weekend however I will not be doing anything that might possibly be considered as enjoyable, I will be spending my Monday a precious paid vacation day prepping for a colonoscopy, the fact of which I reminded her, to which she replied “you have it all don’t you?” I am such a lucky man.
The prep is worse than the procedure.
Good luck.
The_Mentalist
08-23-2013, 18:21
Let us see here... I believe you are white, male, adult republican/conservative, heterosexual. Heck, the only thing unusual about Monday for you is that this time there will be a camera and they use lube.
The Reaper
08-23-2013, 18:24
The prep is worse than the procedure.
Good luck.
Exactly.
TR
I am really looking forward to those "Golden Years."
One of my favorite jokes about what you are about to go through...
Be sure to get a note from your doctor telling your wife that your head really is not up there.:D
Best of luck to you.
Damn that's harsh. Good luck with the procedure!
Kyobanim
08-23-2013, 19:39
Recommended reading for those getting a colonoscopy
http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html
Ahhh... Dave Barry :boohoo
mark46th
08-23-2013, 21:58
Billy Connolly explains it well....
http://vimeo.com/24340828
It's like my wife says 'about time you had your holy of holy's explored too'
Thanks dear
Divemaster
08-24-2013, 01:35
Ugh, I just hit the age where I'm supposed to do that. Who invented ass cancer anyway? I mean, why didn't they come up with, oh I don't know, thumb cancer.
"Hey, you're 50 now. You need to stick your thumb in this machine. C'mon, everyone is doing it, don't be a baby. There's a good lad."
"Right, no worries, here you go. Hey, that didn't hurt a bit and my dignity is still intact."
But nooo...
When I get some time, I'll have to describe the time I had it done at key west. Retired Navy Doc, nurses, etc...all gayer than tinker bell. Easiest procedure ever....never felt a thing. Very professional. All stereotypes applicable and proof that if you need your butt wrenched on, get someone who knows their way around down there.
medic&commo
08-24-2013, 08:07
Recently had my first. 24 hour prior was indeed the worst part.
Waiting to start, not knowing was like standing in the door, for the first time.
Actually having it done - piece of cake - the anesthesia took effect in less than 5 seconds. Woke up in 20 minutes all done, all clear.
m&c
My brother-in-law is a colonrectal surgeon and does mine. When I went for the first one at 50, I drew a large smiley face on my right buttock with a large red marker. I didn't say anything to them or my wife about it. The nursing staff got a kick out of it when they discovered it and they included a pic of it with the other pics they normally give for your record from the procedure. I told him I guess I was the first SF Medic they had ever had in there, huh? He still talks about it in one of those, "I had this patient once who..."
Oh, and the prep sucks.
Richard
Badger52
08-24-2013, 10:02
"Borrr-ing."
Those are the words you want to hear from the doc afterwards.
:cool:
Per doctor’s orders I drank a bottle of Magnesium Citrate at 1905 Sunday evening, according to the bottle it is for “relief of occasional constipation/Bowel Cleansing for Surgery or Exam.” I got the lemon flavored variety. Do not let that lemon label fool you though. Have you ever been to the Great Salt Lake? I have and though I did not drink any water out of it I am pretty sure that had I it would have tasted just like this foul tasting Saline Laxative. According to the bottle one can expect results in from 40 minutes up to 3 hours. I can attest to the fact that it lives up to its label, it cleanses. What the label does not tell you is that it cleanses over a period of hours, my last cleansing was at 0140 Monday morning. By the way my wife is not quite so jealous of the fact that I have the next two days off.
Of course today I can have nothing but a clear liquid diet with the exception of JELLO. I have always liked JELLO and having had more than my share of it today I have come to realize what they meant when the makers of JELLO stated “There is always room for JELLO.” There is always room for JELLO because JELLO does nothing to sate ones appetite. I actually found the clear chicken broth to be much more satisfying, maybe not much more but somewhat more.
The saline laxative must have just been a warm up exercise to prepare me for the Main Event. At 1700 hrs. today I had my first 6 ounce serving of an industrial strength liquid bowel prep which is contained in the SUPREP BOWEL PREP KIT that was prescribed to me by my Dr. whose maiden name must have been Mengele. I have really good health care insurance but this kit still cost me $21.00, list price $81.00, it is a good thing I also had a coupon, no generic for this miracle of modern day medicine. As a layman I cannot see much difference between the effect of the 6 oz. for $40.00 vs. the 10 oz. for .98 Magnesium Citrate. This potion smelled like cherry Robitussin, again do not be fooled by this pleasant aroma it is much like the previously described Magnesium Citrate. Twelve hrs. from now I have my final dose and in seventeen hrs. I should be recovering from this ordeal and dreaming about solid food.
This why you try and schedule these things very early in the morning. I am on my 9th one as of last February too.
This why you try and schedule these things very early in the morning. I am on my 9th one as of last February too.
Obviously you have things going on that require multiple procedures, you have my sympathies and best wishes always. This is my second trip and the prep seems to be a bit more involved, seems to me I did all my prep the night before the first one.
The Reaper
08-26-2013, 19:40
Per doctor’s orders I drank a bottle of Magnesium Citrate at 1905 Sunday evening, according to the bottle it is for “relief of occasional constipation/Bowel Cleansing for Surgery or Exam.” I got the lemon flavored variety. Do not let that lemon label fool you though. Have you ever been to the Great Salt Lake? I have and though I did not drink any water out of it I am pretty sure that had I it would have tasted just like this foul tasting Saline Laxative. According to the bottle one can expect results in from 40 minutes up to 3 hours. I can attest to the fact that it lives up to its label, it cleanses. What the label does not tell you is that it cleanses over a period of hours, my last cleansing was at 0140 Monday morning. By the way my wife is not quite so jealous of the fact that I have the next two days off.
Of course today I can have nothing but a clear liquid diet with the exception of JELLO. I have always liked JELLO and having had more than my share of it today I have come to realize what they meant when the makers of JELLO stated “There is always room for JELLO.” There is always room for JELLO because JELLO does nothing to sate ones appetite. I actually found the clear chicken broth to be much more satisfying, maybe not much more but somewhat more.
The saline laxative must have just been a warm up exercise to prepare me for the Main Event. At 1700 hrs. today I had my first 6 ounce serving of an industrial strength liquid bowel prep which is contained in the SUPREP BOWEL PREP KIT that was prescribed to me by my Dr. whose maiden name must have been Mengele. I have really good health care insurance but this kit still cost me $21.00, list price $81.00, it is a good thing I also had a coupon, no generic for this miracle of modern day medicine. As a layman I cannot see much difference between the effect of the 6 oz. for $40.00 vs. the 10 oz. for .98 Magnesium Citrate. This potion smelled like cherry Robitussin, again do not be fooled by this pleasant aroma it is much like the previously described Magnesium Citrate. Twelve hrs. from now I have my final dose and in seventeen hrs. I should be recovering from this ordeal and dreaming about solid food.
You know, they gave me a lot of rules and instructions, but none of them said I could not have alcohol with it, so I put vodka in my prep and chugged it down, much to my wife's annoyance.
Drinking the gallon of prep was a bit more of a challenge.
TR
:)You know, they gave me a lot of rules and instructions, but none of them said I could not have alcohol with it, so I put vodka in my prep and chugged it down, much to my wife's annoyance.
Drinking the gallon of prep was a bit more of a challenge.
TR
I like the way you think! No alcohol with mine per Drs. orders, I asked :) . No gallon to drink though, 3 quarts total over two doses.
Paragrouper
08-26-2013, 20:00
:)
I like the way you think! No alcohol with mine per Drs. orders, I asked :) . No gallon to drink though, 3 quarts total over two doses.
You never ask the question you already know the answer to. You're getting a very long hose shoved up your rectum, I think that calls for a drink.
The Reaper
08-26-2013, 20:12
You never ask the question you already know the answer to. You're getting a very long hose shoved up your rectum, I think that calls for a drink.
Maybe even a dinner and a movie. :D
TR
Whut you guys tuckin' 'bout? Ain't no pill pushers gunna deliveraince me liken dat! :eek:
Pat
The Reaper
08-26-2013, 21:03
Whut you guys tuckin' 'bout? Ain't no pill pushers gunna deliveraince me liken dat! :eek:
Pat
You watch a loved one die from colon cancer, you might broaden your perspectives, so to speak.
TR
You watch a loved one die from colon cancer, you might broaden your perspectives, so to speak.
TR
Fixed it! I did have a good friend who did. I went through the same prep in the '70s and understand! Just trying to lighten it up a bit.
Pat
In case anyone was wondering, the procedure went well and the doc gave me a clean bill of health. This is one of those subjects that is easy to make light of and most of us do but it is also a very serious issue and I think that we can all appreciate that.
medic&commo
08-27-2013, 15:48
Glad to hear you got a 'clean' bill of health.
m&c
The Reaper
08-27-2013, 16:12
This thread is one of the few NOT worthless without pics.
TR
Obviously you have things going on that require multiple procedures, you have my sympathies and best wishes always. This is my second trip and the prep seems to be a bit more involved, seems to me I did all my prep the night before the first one.
Yep, having Celiac Disease is a pain. No Barley, Rye, Modified Food Starch, Wheat and some Oats. I had to switch to a Gluetin free beer, which If I remember correctly still tastes like Moosehead, Labates Blue, Molson, and Schooners. No cakes, pies, cookies, and Ice cream unless it is Gluetin Free also.
I made the mistake of eating one chip with my brother's sauce which was suppose to be GF. Within 3-4 minutes I was vomiting, explosive diarrhea, and every joint in my body hurt so bad that it felt like I had the flu x10. I was down for the count. I was sweating so bad, I was soaked and my temperature rose a few degrees.
Now if I accidentally eat something I have that amount of time to react with Lomotil, Phenegren, and 30mg of Predisone.
Yes, Cancer scares me so I'd rather do the prep. I usually write on my dupah before I go in: "EXIT ONLY AND NO TOUCHING ANYTHING ELSE!"
mark46th
08-31-2013, 09:51
I told the doctor that I had ordered a "Bud Light" not a butt light...
Also, I always thought that if ET had stayed on earth, he could have made a fortune doing colonoscopies, A 12 inch finger with a light on it? He was a natural-
doctom54
09-01-2013, 18:23
You know, they gave me a lot of rules and instructions, but none of them said I could not have alcohol with it, so I put vodka in my prep and chugged it down, much to my wife's annoyance.
Drinking the gallon of prep was a bit more of a challenge.
TR
Tequila and vodka count as clear liquids;)
When I get some time, I'll have to describe the time I had it done at key west. Retired Navy Doc, nurses, etc...all gayer than tinker bell. Easiest procedure ever....never felt a thing. Very professional. All stereotypes applicable and proof that if you need your butt wrenched on, get someone who knows their way around down there.
No doubt, this is one requirement that is easy to FILL in KW?? :cool:
I've heard that a diet heavy on leafy things helps to cut down on Colon Cancer.
Lots of fiber helps a person be more regular - they say.
My wife eats lots of fiber but her trips to the can are a 30 minute adventure.
Me? I can eat cheese all day and the next morning - bam - the paperwork takes longer.
This thread is one of the few NOT worthless without pics.
TR
Just one???
:D
I usually write on my dupah before I go in: "EXIT ONLY AND NO TOUCHING ANYTHING ELSE!"
Now dupah is what my Polish grandmother called my butt when I was little. Never thought I'd see that in writing.
AngelsSix
09-04-2013, 15:59
When I get some time, I'll have to describe the time I had it done at key west. Retired Navy Doc, nurses, etc...all gayer than tinker bell. Easiest procedure ever....never felt a thing. Very professional. All stereotypes applicable and proof that if you need your butt wrenched on, get someone who knows their way around down there.
Thanks! I just about spit Blue Moon all over my laptop. Nice work.:D
mark46th
09-04-2013, 16:56
I think my first exam was when I went in for my draft physical in 1969. 50 guys standing in a circle facing out with cheeks spread. I definitely don't want a picture of that....