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Team Sergeant
11-11-2004, 13:29
While in Kuwait I was tasked to assist the State Dept Dip Security guys guard the American Ambassador. We went everywhere, the mission was going well and then one of the Dip Security guys informs me that a “CODEL” was on the way to our location. So I asked “What’s a CODEL?” He replied; “That would be an abbreviation for a “Congressional Delegation”, a bunch of US Senators, Congressmen/women and a mix of VIP’s. They’re coming to have a look see for themselves.” “OK” I answered.

CODEL arrives, 50-75 senators, congressmen, VIP’s etc. The Ambassador takes them to see raging oil well fires, a couple of Iraqi torture houses and the “Highway of Death”.

All goes well until we arrive at the highway. The Ambassador is on the first bus speaking with the politicians, we arrived a few minutes ahead of them.

As they come to a stop on the highway all were told:

“DO NOT LEAVE THE HARDTOP, there is unexploded ordinance laying everywhere!!!”

The idiots leave the bus and head directly for the first Iraqi tank they see, which is off the hardtop. We now have 90% of these dickheads walking around in the sand with loaded enemy weapons lying all over the place, hand grenades, mines, mortar shells, charge bags, etc. The only thing that was picked up before the CODEL arrived was the dead bodies.

I’m standing at the entrance to the bus, staying close to the Ambassador when this congress woman steps off the bus, walks over to me, points to the side of the road and asks;

“Soldier, are those Bombs? (Stupid question, see picture)

“Yes Ma’am, those would be what you would consider “Bombs.”

“Soldier, if one of those were to explode right now what do you think would happen?

“Well ma’am, depending on just which one exploded I’d say that everything within 30 meters would be dead and most within 50m would be gravely injured and that if just one were to explode. Given the close proximity of the shells and what looks to be fuses on some of the artillery shells I’d guess if one were to detonate that it would cause a sympathetic detonation of a few other shells close by and ensuing explosion would kill everything within 200 meters of this location.”

She didn’t say a word, she turned and got back on the bus.

TS

Guy
11-11-2004, 13:55
Which lead to a "smoke" session from hell, especially from the FOGs. :eek:

I did have someone that was "vertically challenged" tell me...

"I have more runs than anyone in-country"! :rolleyes:

NousDefionsDoc
11-11-2004, 13:58
"Are those bombs?" LOL

Great story TS.

The Reaper
11-11-2004, 14:13
Which lead to a "smoke" session from hell, especially from the FOGs. :eek:

I did have someone that was "vertically challenged" tell me...

"I have more runs than anyone in-country"! :rolleyes:

Did you ask him which one he lost his legs on? :D

TR

Bravo1-3
11-11-2004, 14:32
2nd Lt. Redhead looking at a column of tanks passing our trucks heading into Kuwait:
"Sgt, are those M1's or Abrams?"
"Those would be M60's Sir."
"They any good?"
"They're better than this truck, Sir."

"Sir, that backblast wrecked the 77. I sent Reddish down to the commo truck to pick up a new one."
"Alright, get me the Company Commander on the line, he's not going to be happy about this... what are you doing?"
"I'm fixing to use this air panel to send semiphore till Reddish gets back"
"Do you ever take a break from kicking me in shins Sgt?"
"Would you prefer I kicked you somewhere else, Sir?"
"No Sgt, the shins will be fine, consider me recalibrated."
"Aye Sir."

The day we get back to Saudi Arabia from Kuwait I get instructions from the 1st Sgt to collect all unexpended ammo and do a shakedown. I set up 4 ponchos in front of the platoon area and each squad starts dumping ammo. Just then, the XO comes walking up:
"Sgt, you're collecting up the unexpended ammo here?"
He could tell by the look on my face I was fighting NOT to respond with sarcasm. He says "Roger that Sgt" and walks off.

We have a huge football game the next day. This game evolved into something else later on, but at this point, it's 1st Platoon -v- 3rd Platoon. Up walks one of the Mario Brothers (This guy was Marios spitting image, just wearing BDU's instead of a painters outfit) "You guys playing some football?"

We're about to go on a force march. I've got an 81 tube strapped to my pack. Up comes Cpl. Porkchop: "You gonna carry that on the hump Sgt?"
"No, I just wanted to knock people over in the hallway with it, I'm gonna leave it here when we step off."

We're on Oahu, planning a raid on the island of Molokai.
Sgt. Dumbass looks at me and says "We gonna take Helos?"
"No, we're gonna swim across the Molokai channel"
"That's like 30 miles!"
"You're fucking kidding me, right?"
"Uh, yeah, kidding."

Gypsy
11-11-2004, 15:07
Great stories Gentlemen, this is still one of my favorite forums.

Sigi
11-20-2004, 18:44
Great stories.