View Full Version : SFQC and Family
I have scoured and searched this site as well as others for info and have not come up with much. If I have passed over the info I seek, will gladly redirect and delete this. I am National Guard, married with a one year old. My question isn't about how much time I will get with my family. Both my wife and my self are very aware that it will be limited at best. She is in the military her self, reserve 68X (Behavioral Health Specialist) and is extremely supportive. Our question, which again has been near impossible to find (then again Im not the best with computers), is simply the logistics of it all after SFAS. Do they have supports in place to help a family PCS to FT. Bragg? Will this all fall on her as I will be busy with training? Being a family man it has been hard to try to plan all of these little logistical details into our future. Right now we are just going off of its all one step at a time and we will cross those bridges when we get there. My recruiters have been next to useless. Thank you in advance for any and all information.
Dozer523
05-17-2012, 06:57
At least for a while, you're really not going to be a "family man" if your beloved wants to be an SF Wife.
I know that doesn't answer the question you asked but . . .
Thanks Dozer. Me and the miss's have had a lot of long talks about everything and am as prepared as we can be for the upcoming future. She supported me through a very long tough deployment, and for the last 7 months I've been a stay at home dad for our 15 month old daughter to support her starting her career in the military. I have some close family friends that are former QP's and one told me a piece of advice when I told him I was getting married and having a child. He said "no matter what wars you fight in, if you become SF or not, the hardest and greatest challenge you will ever have is to be the best father and husband you can be" (I have a feeling he wasn't the first to say this). Honestly that bit motivates me a hell of a lot to be the best I can for my wife and child. I have a hunch that a lot of the QP's on this board are great dads and husbands. I have always liked that Special Operations puts family high up, more so then I've seen in other areas of the military.
1stindoor
05-22-2012, 10:49
After selection...if you are selected, you will be PCS'd to Bragg for the SFQC. Being dual military, will not factor into the equation...when your wife will PCS, ETS, or whatever...will be your decision. Your first priority for the next 12-24 months should be SFQC and all the other side training, i.e. language, SERE, possibly CDQC, etc.
I was never dual military, and I married after the course...but I've seen several marriages fall apart during the course...and several courses fallen during the marriage.
1stindoor, this is something that my wife and I have talked about, and we have even waited to do certain things with our careers till we got some of our personal relationship issues taken care of. My wife is aware as she can that once I leave its my career then family. She understands and supports me, but lord knows that there will be bumps in the road that we will have to attend too. Instead of getting stressed over it now, we will handle them down the road. Fortunately for us (maybe) she's a behavioral health specialist and her job is to work with relationships, kinda handy actually. Also luckily right now she's only reserves so all she has to do is just switch units which is a very easy process.
An ideal SF wife eliminates any and all distractions from your mission focus.
Dusty, I like that, I'm gonna have to pass that on to the wife. Thank you.
fasteddie565
05-22-2012, 21:27
From what I have read on the Internet, SF has a very high divorce rate. How you manage your family is up to you and while they will provide funding, the how's and why's are not the Army's responsibility. When you leave and come home, no matter for SFAS or an actual op, you are rejoining her, not vice versa.
ZonieDiver
05-23-2012, 10:03
While it doesn't exactly match up with the situation discussed here, I found this part of the movie "Apocalypse Now" appropriate to being in SF:
austinsf
05-23-2012, 19:05
I agree with all of the observations posted by the other QPs, and while I rarely post, this subject is pretty near and dear to my heart....
For what it's worth, quite a few us were in your situation prior entering the pipeline: conflicted between loyalty to a young family and an intense desire to serve in the Regiment. While I'm the last guy to offer family advice, I can speak to our personal experience. Bottom line, despite the time away for training and deployments, I personally think that serving in SF gives us an opportunity to do both (be a good family man and serve in SF).
Every family is different, but I'm personally very grateful that my wife and daughter recognize that I'm not the best father and husband I can be if I'm not also striving to "be all I can be." It wasn't easy and it may sound selfish on my part, but we all agree now that going SF was the best decision we've made in a very long time.
On a side note, we enjoyed the most consecutive amount of family time during the Q course (six months of Thai). I know the course has changed since I went through, but I have a hunch that you should still get some decent family time.
Good luck man, and take care.
Scamilton
05-29-2012, 14:32
Every family is different, but I'm personally very grateful that my wife and daughter recognize that I'm not the best father and husband I can be if I'm not also striving to "be all I can be." It wasn't easy and it may sound selfish on my part, but we all agree now that going SF was the best decision we've made in a very long time.
While I do not have any children yet, I am incredibly grateful to have a wife that feels the way you have described your wife. I wouldn't have even found my way to SFAS if she had not been on board. I know I have a long road ahead of until I am officially a part of this brotherhood, but it is a great feeling knowing I have so much support at home.
Dozer523
05-31-2012, 04:46
An ideal SF wife eliminates any and all distractions from your mission focus.And writes your Area Study:D
Unapologetic Soldier
08-19-2012, 06:07
An ideal SF wife eliminates any and all distractions from your mission focus.
I know this post is somewhat dated but I got lot of good info from it, thanks to all who posted. I’ll be starting the Q in a few months. I agree with Dusty’s post. I don’t have any kids but am currently on my 4th deployment. My wife and I have been together for three of them and just had our first anniversary in July. We have more time spent apart than together (not an uncommon story).
One thing that has always given me comfort and the ability to do my job to best of my ability is her taking care of all of our home and personal needs while I’m away. I know when I leave for training or deployment she has everything under control. This allows me to focus all my attention on what’s going on now. She knows I love her and I’ll call her when I can; she doesn’t bother me with the small stuff.
greenberetTFS
08-19-2012, 12:06
An ideal SF wife eliminates any and all distractions from your mission focus.
Dusty
Absolutely right,Maggie was supportive 100% and that really helped get me thru SFTG,and deployments ......;) :D
Big Teddy :munchin
mark46th
08-20-2012, 16:42
To his wife, a Special Forces soldier is a stranger who shows up every 6 months or so with a hard-on and a bag of dirty laundry...
To his wife, a Special Forces soldier is a stranger who shows up every 6 months or so with a hard-on and a bag of dirty laundry...
LOL.. Now that's funny.. true, but funny.
I redeploy home and go to work in Afghanistan.
Ret10Echo
08-21-2012, 07:05
When you leave and come home, no matter for SFAS or an actual op, you are rejoining her, not vice versa.
Nice point. In the "home-life reality" it's easy to think that time stops when you head downrange.
Originally Posted by Dusty
An ideal SF wife eliminates any and all distractions from your mission focus.
Yes... We had some good stories to exchange upon "reunification". I recall something about chiseling the ice from around the car tires to take our newborn to a doctor's appointment. :eek:
Dozer523
08-21-2012, 08:52
To his wife, a Special Forces soldier is a stranger who shows up every 6 months or so with a hard-on and a bag of dirty laundry... A good SF wife meets you at the door with a six-pack in her hand and a mattress strapped to her back.
The second thing an SF Soldier does upon arriving home is drop his ruck.
Those were the days!
mark46th
08-23-2012, 09:15
Here are some relevant thoughts on fighters trained by Ron Shackleton, team commander of the first A-team sent to Vietnam...
" A single man with no family responsibilities also has definite advantages over a married man, from both an administrative and a tactical viewpoint."
Roloshak's post in the UW/Guerilla Warfare section is a good read not only on the logistical and political aspects of UW/FID but a primer on how to start up and run a program for an area...