View Full Version : D.A.D.D.
Here you go, Gents. :D
http://www.catalogfavorites.com/itemdy00.asp?T1=V1224%20M&usrsearch=v1224
When my daughters went out with a kid I didn't want them to hang around with, I'd just tell them how much I liked the guy, and I'd never see him again.
I never fell for that. :D
I never fell for that. :D
Your Dad was serious when he said he liked 'em.
The Reaper
08-01-2011, 18:42
Your Dad was serious when he said he liked 'em.
And wanted to get to know them.
In the biblical sense of the word. :D
TR
I had 3 sons - I don't get the joke. :rolleyes: :D
Richard :munchin
x SF med
08-02-2011, 09:46
I had 3 sons - I don't get the joke. :rolleyes: :D
Richard :munchin
Just remember how much your FiL likes you and the way you corrupted his daughter... Not the same thing, but it gives a perspective....:D:
Your Dad was serious when he said he liked 'em.
And wanted to get to know them.
In the biblical sense of the word. :D
TR
LOL you guys are awful!
Actually I only brought one guy home, when I got engaged. It went well. Then I was unengaged and that was that. ;)
ZonieDiver
08-02-2011, 18:28
I had 3 sons - I don't get the joke. :rolleyes: :D
Richard :munchin
You're Fred MacMurray????:D
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/08/02/calif-dad-sentenced-for-posting-dead-or-alive-signs-for-daughters-boyfriend/?test=latestnews
:eek: Yikes.
They put him in the big house for 7 years today...
Red Flag 1
08-03-2011, 19:33
They put him in the big house for 7 years today...
I'm willing to bet that just postpones someone's really bad day.
You're all making this way too complicated.
The real key here is to never potty train the girls. Even the girl friends will bring them back home really, really early.
RF 1
219seminole
08-03-2011, 20:51
I found that 16 years of martial arts and fencing prepared my daughter for lots of stuff. There's a lot of jock-type guys that just have not impressed her at all.:lifter
They put him in the big house for 7 years today...
A whole 7 years...gee. He'll be out for "good behavior" in what...2 years? :rolleyes:
Rule #1
If you pull into my driveway and honk your horn, you'd better be delivering a package, because you sure as hell are NOT picking anything up.
Rule #2
Do NOT touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do NOT peer at anything below her neck. If you can NOT keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule #3
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule #4
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule #5
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do NOT do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early".
Rule #6
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule #7
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do NOT sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like mowing my lawn?
Rule #8
The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to encourage my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule #9
Do NOT lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues regarding my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and 10 acres of land.
Rule #10
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Stargazer
08-07-2011, 20:31
Lots of rules there alelks. LOL!!!
I know a man who when the suitor comes to the door he ALWAYS greets them by throwing a bullet. The instinct of the suitor is to catch the bullet. He then proceeds to tells them that if they ever do anything to 'wrong' his daughter, they will not catch the next one and invites them in with a smile (true story.. LOL). :D