When I die

[Kyobanim]

One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."

She looked at me intently and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

[Barbarian]

Ha! Good one.

[Tress]

Originally posted by Kyobanim

One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."

She looked at me intently and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

You gotta love quick witted women. They are so saucy.

But you did set yourself up sooooo badly.

[Red Flag 1]

One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."

She looked at me intently and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

A well thought out reply:D:D, not what I thought she would say.

RF 1

[Weazle23]

When I die...

I want to die like my grandfather did, asleep... not yelling and screaming like his passengers.

[wet dog]

Jerry Garcia and Eric Clapton are captured by cannibals from Papua New Guinea. While both of them are waiting for the water to heat up in the cook pot, the chieftain informs them both that he will allow each of them one request before they die.

Jerry speaks up asking if he could have his guitar from the tour bus so he can play "Keep on Truckin" one last time.

Eric asks, "please kill me first".

[Hand]

Two men seated next to eachother on a flight begin talking. The one finally asks the other why he was wearing a fresh shiner.
His reply - I was eating breakfast with my wife this morning. I meant to ask her to please pass the milk, but accidentally said "you ruined my whole life you stupid bitch"...

[GhostRSA]

So three hunters are hunting in the forest they get captured by some cannibals, the cannibals tell them that they need to do 2 tasks. If the hunters each do the tasks the cannibals will let each of them go.
"Your first task is to go into the jungle and get ten of your favorite fruit."
All of the hunters rejoice at this task because it is so easy.
The first hunter comes back with 10 apples.
The cannibals tell him "alright, now you have to stick them up your butt and show no emotion at all," the hunter cringes but continues so he can live
on the 2nd one he begins to cry, so the cannibals eat him, and he goes up to heaven.Then the second hunter gets back to the cannibals and he has 10 blueberries. Again the cannibals tell him the task and again the hunter cringes but continues so he can live.He gets to the 9th one and then he begins to laugh.So the cannibals eat him too.When he gets up to heaven the first hunter says to him "WHY DID YOU LAUGH???" The second hunter replies"I saw the next guy coming back with pineapples" :D

Just nice one my teacher told me today :D
GhostRSA :munchin

[wet dog]

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.

She said she wanted to be President of the United States . Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there.

So I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people!"

Her parents beamed.

"Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

[Roguish Lawyer]

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.

She said she wanted to be President of the United States . Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there.

So I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people!"

Her parents beamed.

"Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

I'm stealing this

[219seminole]

This is not far off from something my daughter asked when she was about 11 years old. We were having a similar discussion about the government getting involved in something (I don't remember the details today), and her question was, "Don't they have parents to do that?"

It was one of those moments when the light bulb came on.