View Full Version : THE MORMON AND THE IRISHMAN...
Team Sergeant
11-23-2010, 21:25
THE MORMON AND THE IRISHMAN...
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London .....
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust,"I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said,
"Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
219seminole
11-23-2010, 21:42
The last time I heard this Jerry Falwell was sitting next to the Irishman...still funny.
Team Sergeant
11-23-2010, 22:22
You know why God invented whiskey?
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So the Irish would not take over the world.
Well..no love for the Irish, TS? I do take offense! :p LOL Funny joke. Personally, I feel that anyone who makes fun of the Irish and is not one of us...is just jealous! You know what THEY say...there are those that ARE Irish and those that wish they were!!! LOL :lifter :D
You know why God invented whiskey?
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So the Irish would not take over the world.
Pubs, the preferred sunblock for Ireland. :p
Well..no love for the Irish, TS?
I'm of Scots ancestry - Dad was Clan Hay and Mom was Clan Murray - any Celtic lineage is fine with me...it's those effin' Anglo-Saxons I have issues with. ;)
And, yes, I'll drink to that...:D
Richard :munchin
And, yes, I'll drink to that...Scots-Irish...which means I love to drink, hate to buy...;)
ZonieDiver
11-24-2010, 20:31
I'm of Scots ancestry - Dad was Clan Hay and Mom was Clan Murray - any Celtic lineage is fine with me...it's those effin' Anglo-Saxons I have issues with. ;)
And, yes, I'll drink to that...:D
Richard :munchin
You and me both, brother. Irish and Scots-Irish. I don't like ties due to too many of my ancestors meeting their end at the end of an English rope!
Red Flag 1
11-24-2010, 20:40
A crafty Italian would have figured out how to have both:D:munchin.
RF 1
Scots? Irish? I am in good company! LOL
Scots-Irish...which means I love to drink, hate to buy...;)
Scot / Swede -
My sweet old grandfather would say, "Have ya seen me purse? Ya know, I can't go a drinkin' without me purse!!"
"Grandpa, it's called a wallet."
"That's what your dear grandmother says, so my son, have you seen me purse?".
I have very fond memories of drinking with grand-dad. We would spend hours discussing the subtle differences between Jameson, John Powers, Bushmills and a bit of Vodka from the northern countries. He would often say, "The Viking invasion was the best thing for the isles".
Seems he found humor in the political differences between the Protestant Irish, the Catholic Irish and the Mormon Irish. It's a good thing they drank or a fight might have broken out at any time.
mojaveman
11-25-2010, 00:05
Irish names in the family tree - Hagerty and McGreevy
I do love beer... :D
Also Swiss, German, and Polish :lifter
TOMAHAWK9521
11-25-2010, 00:09
Irish-German. I'll stagger on you with my jackboots.
A crafty Italian would have figured out how to have both:D:munchin.
RF 1
So true.
Sicilian-Irish/Scot/Welsh-German ancestry here. Be afraid...be very afraid. :D
Green Light
11-25-2010, 08:09
Now that I've picked myself off the floor from laughing, I find myself conflicted. :D
GL
Irish Mormon :D (with a bit o' Polish Jew)
From this Irishman
<-----------------
To all those with Scots ancestry
Q: Why is it God made Urine yellow and Seman white ?
A: To help the Scots know if they were coming or going.
:D
Q: Why is is God made Urine yellow and Seman white ?
Ahhhh...stuttered like an Irishman who is rightfully nervous when allowed to speak in the presence of those who hail from the Eastern side of the North Channel...;)
Richard :munchin
DevilSide
11-25-2010, 13:00
Proud GIRMEX :)
Thats German Irish and Mexican, but not in that order.
Ahhhh...stuttered like an Irishman who is rightfully nervous when allowed to speak in the presence of those who hail from the Eastern side of the North Channel...;)
Richard :munchin
Yes a small typo, but as you can see I've fixed it and the reason for said typo.
The other day, as I was talking with God, (I do that often, for an Irishman to find his equal, sometimes we are forced to talk to The Almighty, that is, if another Irishman isn't around), anyway, as we were speaking, God asked me what I wanted most in this world.
Now the thought of world peace was foremost on my mind. But just then a fellow, who was a Scot, came walking by and had overheard the conversation God and I were having. The Scot just butted into our conversation (for that's what Scots do best), and said if he could have one thing in this world it would be a wall that surrounded Scotland and kept everyone out. It would be filled with nothing but True Scots.
God, of course, granted this fellow his wish. POOF !!!! ... A wall was placed around Scotland, to keep others out.
Puzzled by this, I asked God just how big was this wall? He told me it was 100 feet thick, made from the hardest material on Earth, and higher than the highest peak in the Highlands.
Just then I knew what it was that I wanted most in this world. I told God, "Father, that wall that surrounds Scotland ..... Could you please fill it with water."
POOF !!!!!!!!!
BTW ..... Did ye hear about the Scotsman who married a girl born on February the 29th?
This is so he'd only have to buy her a birthday present every four years?
:D :munchin
Q: Why is it God made Urine yellow and Seman white ?
Correction: A semiliterate Irishman. :p
And...
When Alastair moved from Edinburgh to Dublin he constantly annoyed his Irish acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was.
Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well...if Scotland's so bloody marvellous, how come you didn't stay there?"
"Well," explained Alastair, "they're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all".
Richard :munchin
Nightfall
11-25-2010, 15:37
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxzdkaaafms
Jack Dale
11-25-2010, 16:18
Irish-Scots here, as well. One of my favorite quotes on the subject is from an Irish novel called "Bogmail" (by Patrick McGinley and well worth the read):
"When I drink whiskey in the daytime, it's to maintain the proper level of alcohol in my bloodstream. When I drink at night, it's to re-experience lost innocence."
Of course, I myself only drink whiskey to lower the blood level in my alcohol system, thereby avoiding high blood pressure. Works, too!
My Mom's family, all border reivers.
Many think Scotts-Irish to be a mix of the both as it is such a common AMERICAN term you never hear across the pond.
Originated on Ellis Island as you had to state your country of embarkation (Ireland) and that was placed upon you entry papers as your embarkation and ethnicity.
Any Scot would have none of that so they'd put down 'Scots by birth, Ireland as point of embarkation' that was eventually reduced to Scots Irish on the books.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoUV5d09JZw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9oKdUFCoVo
This thread reminds me of an old joke:
An Englishman and an American were talking to each other about lineage. The Englishman says, "I am 100% English. What about you?"
The American says, "I am part Irish, part Italian, part German, and part Russian."
The English guy says,
"My...that was very sporting of your grandmother...wasn't it?"
The English guy says, "My...that was very sporting of your grandmother...wasn't it?"
And that's when the fight began! ;)
Richard :munchin
NEVER invite a Scotsman to a dinner party.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEPjZZSRbl0&feature=fvsr
:munchin
NEVER invite a Scotsman to a dinner party.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HplZ_taHXLM
Richard :munchin
ZonieDiver
11-26-2010, 16:51
Last edited by Sdiver; Yesterday at 12:46. Reason: spilled my Jamison's Irish Wiskey and was licking it up while I was typing .... Can't let a GOOD thing go to waste.
But... the true sin for an Irishman is to have not spelled Jameson's correctly! :D
Correction: A semiliterate Irishman. :p
And...
When Alastair moved from Edinburgh to Dublin he constantly annoyed his Irish acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was.
Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well...if Scotland's so bloody marvellous, how come you didn't stay there?"
"Well," explained Alastair, "they're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all".
Richard :munchin
Everyone understands that an Irishman is only a Scotsman who can swim.
But... the true sin for an Irishman is to have not spelled Jameson's correctly! :D
It's the English version ..... so Scots can understand it. :p :munchin
2018commo
11-26-2010, 20:05
And God granted the Irish a Wheel Barrow to walk on two legs!
My Relatives left Ireland for the Caribbean and left Jamaica because there was no future in sugar cane... our homestead is now part of Myers Rum. :boohoo
Longstreet
11-26-2010, 21:44
Everyone understands that an Irishman is only a Scotsman who can swim.
This thread brings back a story a friend once told me while visiting Scotland. One evening he was at a pub making a phone call using a public telephone when a Scotsman came up to him and demanded that he get off the phone. My friend told him he would be off in a minute and that he (the Scotsman) would have to wait. At this time, the Scotsman said, "Damn Americans making me wait to use a phone in my own country." My friend then informed him that he was not an American, but rather a Canadian. The Scotsman growled back, "American, Canadian, same thing." My friend then looked him in the eye and said, "Very well. Scottish, English, same thing". With a look of disgust in his face, the Scotsman muttered, "Point taken".
jaYson
Filipino-Irish.
Jameson's is not much better than stomach bile, Bushmills is the stuff of legends.
MVP
Filipino-Irish.
Jameson's is not much better than stomach bile, Bushmills is the stuff of legends.
MVP
Stomach Bile? Insulting my clan like that...that is just mean spirited:p
mark46th
12-01-2010, 17:46
My great grandmother was named Bridget O'Grady. My 90 year old mother says she was a mean old bitch. My mom also says,"I'm Irish, it takes a club to kill us."
Filipino-Irish.
Jameson's is not much better than stomach bile, Bushmills is the stuff of legends.
MVP
See, this is how fights get started. Catholics picking on the Protestants picking on the Mormons, who by the way perfer Johnny Walker.
Being stranded on an island near Fiji with my wife and an unlimited supply of Auchentoshan 21 Year Old would do it for me...as long as there was plenty of Jameson's and Bushmill's for bathing my Golden Retriever. ;)
Slàinte gu soírraidh!
Richard :munchin
GratefulCitizen
12-01-2010, 22:59
Probably as much Irish as anything else (Scot, German, French, even some Native American and Gypsy).
But the paternal line is quite Frisian, so I'll side with whomever pays the most.:D
Have plenty of Mormon friends and neighbors, many of whom definitely have some Irish ancestry.
Concerning Irish Mormons:
If you go fishing with any, make sure to bring at least two.
If you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer!:p
If you go fishing with any, make sure to bring at least two.
If you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer!
We call them Baptists here in Texas. ;) :D
Richard :munchin