View Full Version : Letter to dogs and cats...
Couldn't find this, hope I didn't miss it in the search! :D
If you are a dog or cat owner, you'll love this!
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR ... and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog's or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals.. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..
greenberetTFS
07-10-2010, 14:02
Couldn't find this, hope I didn't miss it in the search! :D
If you are a dog or cat owner, you'll love this!
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR ... and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog's or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals.. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..
Very interesting post Soairse,I don't have any now,but once had both.........;)
Big Teddy :munchin
Very interesting post Soairse,I don't have any now,but once had both.........;)
Big Teddy :munchin
Teddy,
I was laughing so hard on some parts...its sooo true!
219seminole
07-11-2010, 00:06
One day, after being newly married, my young bride disturbed my tv viewing:
"What did you do with all the chocolate chip cookies I just baked?"
Me: "What....?"
YB: "You ate all the cookies."
Me: "What....? Why do you think that?"
She drags in into the kitchen and points to the empty plate on the counter.
I point to the paw prints on each side of the plate. "The dog did it."
hunteran
07-11-2010, 02:17
One day, after being newly married, my young bride disturbed my tv viewing:
"What did you do with all the chocolate chip cookies I just baked?"
Me: "What....?"
YB: "You ate all the cookies."
Me: "What....? Why do you think that?"
She drags in into the kitchen and points to the empty plate on the counter.
I point to the paw prints on each side of the plate. "The dog did it."
I still remember the day that my dog ate an entire costco pizza by himself. I took the pizza out of the oven and went to go do some chores while it cooled off. When I came back into the kitchen the entire pizza was gone and the dog was on the floor licking his chops with a guilty look on his face.
ZonieDiver
07-11-2010, 13:28
I love animals. I grew up 'outside city limits' and raised animals (rabbits) for various and sundry uses: pets or food. We boarded and had our own horses. We grew Christmas trees (Scotch <pardon me, all Scots> Pine). Two of my jobs were to keep wild rabbits out of our young trees, and birds and mice out of our barns and out-buildings. MY dog and our cats were instrumental in me accomplishing said tasks. I LOVED my dog - a great female collie who made Lassie look like a 'bad dog'! I came to enjoy the company of one the cats. The day my dog died is still one of the most sad days of my life.
That said, I think a significant part of the population of the US of A has lost their collective minds about pets - currently dogs. As much as I loved my dog and respected/enjoyed the cats, they lived outside. They liked it! One bitterly cold January night in S. Illinois, I asked my mom of I could let my dog into the house. She said no, but did let me put a shop light into the doghouse after I had dragged it closer to the house. She said that if I were that worried, I could take some blankets and climb in with her. I was mad at my mom.
Mom was right!
HA SO true! Great one, Saoirse! Have you ever seen the dog and cat "diaries"?? hilarious as well.
Not sure, is that the one with Jeanene Garofalo and Uma Thurman? I won't watch anything with Garofalo unless I can throw something at the screen everytime her ugly mug comes on. I don't want to break my TV. :D
I have never been much of a cat lover. I have had 3 my entire life. The best cat I had was a blackcat named JD (yep, Jack Daniels). His best friend? My Scottie, Scruffy. They did everything together and I swear that cat thought he was a dog...he never acted like a cat!! I rescued one cat to give him a home, who does he end up loving up and treating with respect? My ex!!! Ungrateful twit! :D (the cat, not my....oh wait, no that applies to both)
The Reaper
07-12-2010, 09:07
We have a cat dog as well.
Norwegian Forest Cat, all black, not yet matured, but still 25 pounds of cat who chases balls, comes when he is called, loves water, likes to lie in laps, etc. Very strange beast.
TR
LibraryLady
07-12-2010, 09:26
... OP...
:rolleyes:
Do you know how hard it is to laugh hysterically while not disturbing the speaker phone conference right next to me? :p
LL
Note to self. Do NOT open Comedy Zone threads during work hours.
:rolleyes:
Do you know how hard it is to laugh hysterically while not disturbing the speaker phone conference right next to me? :p
LL
Note to self. Do NOT open Comedy Zone threads during work hours.
Noooo..How hard is it??? (waiting for punchline to the old joke...) :D
at least I didn't make you spew coffee on your keyboard, I don't want to have to part with my hard earned money. LOL
We have a cat dog as well.
Norwegian Forest Cat, all black, not yet matured, but still 25 pounds of cat who chases balls, comes when he is called, loves water, likes to lie in laps, etc. Very strange beast.
TR
TR
I heard the same thing about Maine Coons. A huge cat! I think you found yourself a winner. I can't stand a cat who thinks he/she is better than me, it's their world and I am just there to pay rent, feed them, etc. LOL
LibraryLady
07-12-2010, 10:06
Noooo..How hard is it??? (waiting for punchline to the old joke...) :D
at least I didn't make you spew coffee on your keyboard, I don't want to have to part with my hard earned money. LOL
Let's just say if there's an expert badge for it, I easily accomplished that! :D
And yes, you're ARE lucky. I'd finished my tea, planned to read just one more thread, then get up and make another. :lifter ;)
LL
Let's just say if there's an expert badge for it, I easily accomplished that! :D
And yes, you're ARE lucky. I'd finished my tea, planned to read just one more thread, then get up and make another. :lifter ;)
LL
...then I applaud you Lady of the Library! :D To be honest, as long as no books were harmed in the making of this "thread", I am happy. LOL