View Full Version : Your BEST! Ass-Chewing received?
I received one from the wife last night for missing a lunch date.:o
As far as the military; too numerous to count.:D
Civilian; I got one from a VP of a construction company I worked for, he was a retired "O". I thought that SOB was having flashbacks to Vietnam! I hadn't heard curse words like that in a while.
Former SNCOs are the worst...yes I'm talking about you TS.:eek:
NousDefionsDoc
08-04-2004, 07:54
The Team Sergeant look. Received quite a few times, always effective. Most Moms can do it too.
From Billy Boggs (C-Team radio supv. in Germany): "To err is human, but if you're human one more time I'm going to kick your ass!!!":eek:
We were sitting the teamroom talking shit about our bright, shiny new 2Lt Team Leader in Germany. The Team Sergeant called us over and said that the Lt may be young and akin to Lt. Fuzz but he was the only officer we had and we had better take care of him.
CommoGeek
08-04-2004, 08:15
As a young SPec4 I saw the Spt CO Cdr walk out of the headshed. So I asked him if he knew what time we were having final formation. He said he'd din't know and would have to go check with the boss.
I'm thinking, "Boss? He IS the boss."
30 seconds after CPT D goes inside and here comes an IRATE 1SG who promptly and vigorously reminded me that even in SF Support we follow the CoC.
I receive a daily chewing from my wife, I think. I haven't paid any attention to her raising her voice in a few years now.
Originally posted by NousDefionsDoc
The Team Sergeant look. Received quite a few times, always effective. Most Moms can do it too.
I never got a verbal ass chewing from the TL/TS, they would just give me that "look" and I knew what needed to be done...ASAP!
Kyobanim
08-04-2004, 10:26
Worst ass chewing for me was non-verbal. Pissed my dad off when I was 17, I took off running and he ran me down in front of all the neighbors. Didn't know he could move that fast. He just smiled at me and drug me back into the house.
Jack Moroney (RIP)
08-04-2004, 12:48
Nothing used to piss me off more than having to put on demonstrations for VIPs. Most were a total waste of troops time and training time and resources. The ones I really hated were the, "my troops do more dangerous things routinely than your troops do". Every year the military creates another flock of one stars and to make them aware what other branches do they have orientation tours. They ride on subs, visit other sites, etc. They always came to SWC and the demonstration of the day was a door kicking exercise where the one stars would stand on a platform over looking the shooting house and down on a live hostage and an array of targets representing the bad guys. So, just to make a point, I made myself the hostage and while waiting for the one stars to show up I found a 5.56 slug, popped it in my mouth because I just knew what the reaction was going to be from my boss and waited for the show to begin. Well the door blew, the boys did their thing putting holes in all the right places and "rescued me". When my boss (a one star that will go un-named here but will provide it back channel if you are that curious) realized I was the hostage he came storming up to me, chewed my ass out unmercifully because "officers just do not put themselves at risk" to which I replied that unlike some of my contemporaries I liked to lead from the front and not push from the rear which sort of raised the tempo a little more. He was about to finish my lunch when two one stars came sauntering over. One was a guy I had know as a BN Cdr when I captured his CP one night in a air assault we were "not authorized" to do and the other was marine. The former Bn Cdr slapped me on the back and said, "Well I see you are up to your old tricks, Jack" and the Marine saluted me and said, "Damn, now that is what we expect of our Marines leading by example and being in the forefront". Well my boss's tone changed and he started his line o'crap about that is what we expect of our group commanders. Then to smooth things over, as his boss walked up, said, "The shooting looked pretty close, how did they do?" Well damn, I just could not let it pass, so I spit the 5.56 slug out in my hand and said, "Good as usual, but last one was a little close". Now the boss got all upset, thought I had taken one in the chops and really embarrassed himself by starting to call for a medic when everyone else started to laugh. Soooooooo, got an ass chewing that actually started out nasty but wound up making the chewee look good and the chewer look like an ass. Doesn't get any better than that.
Jack Moroney:D
Roguish Lawyer
08-04-2004, 17:43
Originally posted by Jack Moroney
Doesn't get any better than that.
No, sir, I suspect not.
Then again, perhaps someone would like to try? :munchin
I wasn't on the receiving end, but I witnessed one in the civvie world I still think of to this day and cringe.
When I went back to university to get my degree as an adult, I held down 2 waitressing jobs to make ends meet and use the slow times to study while pretending to fold napkins. Mostly, it was a lot of fun and an excellent way to sharpen communication skills with people from all walks of life and with varied interests.
OTOH, we had this gorgeous, intelligent chica with no people skills as a manager at the one restaurant, whose primary goal in life was to marry "up," thereby ending her chosen "career".
Anyway, I was there one day when she fired this new little waitress and the words resound in my head to this day, "You're not only a crummy waitress, you're a poor excuse for a human being!"
Just junk-yard dog MEAN.
I've never lost the image of that little kiddo's face (who was trying to support her son by herself and was a sweetheart to customers) break into tears brought on by a self-proclaimed tyrant in her own little sphere of influence. (World politics in a nutshell?)
Firing someone is one thing - degrading them like that on a very personal level (in that specific venue) is just plain evil. It served no constructive purpose.
Bravo1-3
08-05-2004, 01:32
Both world class ass chewings (at least the 2 worst that were directed at me/us, and I haven't repressed) were in the PI.
Col. John Guy paid our detachment a little visit in 1989 and gave one of the mot motivational speeches I've ever heard. He then called Sgt. Maj Johns over with the customary "Take charge, carry out the plan of the day".
The Colonel then headed for the quarterdeck, with the Sgt. Major standing in front of us,watching him until he was inside the first doors, and out of ear shot.
"Stand at ease,
THE COLONELS YANKING YOUR FUCKING CHAINS! YOU'RE ALL FUCKED UP! EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU! Capas has the worst performance of any detachment in this command, and it's all of your fault from the lowest Private right on up to you SOG's! You shitheads better get unfucked, most quickly, or every fucking one of you is going to be a second award PF-fucking-C."
One of our SNCO's was replaced, but we never did hear about what the Sgt. Major was on about.
#2 After getting into a scrap in Angeles City and getting hauled in by the Shore Patrol. Next morning I'm standing in front of the 1st Sgt, who is obviously pleased that one of his NCO's got hauled in for fighting.
"Corporal, do yu know what this piece of paper is?"
"No 1st Sgt!"
"This is the Police Blotter for the Navy, Marine Corps, and Air Force on the entire island. Usually, it's three or four pages, but this one is only one page long. Do you know how many names are usually on the blotter?"
"No 1st Sgt"
"Usually, there's 10 per page. Do you know how many names are on this list right now Corporal?"
"10 1st Sgt?"
"Try again"
"5 1st Sgt?"
"Smaller"
"Two 1st Sgt?"
"That's right Corporal, two names! Do you know those names?"
"1st Sgt, I'm one of them, I don't know the name of the person I was fighting with."
"THAT'S RIGHT CORPORAL! YOURS IS ONE OF THEM! CONGRATULATIONS! You're not just ON the blotter, YOU ARE THE BLOTTER!"
I was on his shit list for at least a month, and I deserved it. And I learned from it. The next fight I got into, I made damn good and sure I had an alternate egress route as a fall back.
I had a real doozy from the RSO at the Embassy once.
Wow, that was fun.
Roguish Lawyer
08-05-2004, 19:34
Maybe we need to include ass-chewings given out as well?
Kyobanim
08-05-2004, 19:36
Originally posted by Roguish Lawyer
Maybe we need to include ass-chewings given out as well?
Or stories that deserved an ass chewing but never materialized
Originally posted by Roguish Lawyer
Maybe we need to include ass-chewings given out as well?
The language and "actions" used in a "combat zone"?
It ain't prettty at all!:munchin
Bill Harsey
08-05-2004, 20:19
I only got my ass chewed out once while logging. The ass chewing lasted from 1973 until 1984.
NousDefionsDoc
08-05-2004, 20:40
Originally posted by Bill Harsey
I only got my ass chewed out once while logging. The ass chewing lasted from 1973 until 1984.
LOL:D
Smokin Joe
08-05-2004, 23:44
I got my ass chewed for 30 min by my 1st (as in 1st ever) Sgt (not military rank LEO rank). Because I called an inmate a "Fucking Dick and a POS."
The crappie thing is I was right....and the Sgt admited it....with a, "Well you know Joe I totally agree with you that that guy is a POS and a Fucking dick but you can't go around calling inmates that....it start to many problems.....blah blah blah."
Originally posted by Bill Harsey
I only got my ass chewed out once while logging. The ass chewing lasted from 1973 until 1984.
Do they ever get tired? :eek:
LMAO!
brewmonkey
08-06-2004, 06:19
Out in the middle of the central corridor at Ft. Irwin during a February rotation and instead of being on the BMP's they made us dismount for this one. My platoon was tasked with defending a natural choke point between two hills. Not sure where the PSG had gone but the LT came over and started placing positons and telling everyone to dig in. Now I am not the smartest guy on the planet but as I took a look around, all the positions where at the bottom of the hill and mostly in the wash. All I could think was this is not good on so many levels. I go talk to the LT and tell him thathis plan is fucked up. He locks me up and tears into me about how I am only a CPL and this that and the other thing, something about not listening I dont really remember it all because I stopped paying attention when he started talking. He dismisses me as only a 2LT can do and I head back down to my position. By this time the PSG is moving up the wadi so I head over to talk to him. Once I again I get my shit locked up, but this time like only an E7 who spent 14 years in the 325 knowns how to do. I think I was standing there for a good 45 minutes waiting for him to knock me on my ass while he chewed me out and threatened to make me NCOIC of every shit detail on post. All this ass chewing and still no one is paying attention to my concern of having the guys in positions at the bottom of the wash. Fuck it, I drive on. I go back to the hole and dig in with my buddy (who has almost finished by know so I am sure I will hear about this too) and we get the overhead cover in but since we can't see over the wash wall's there is no sense in either clearing the fields of fire or making the range cards as we have about 20 feet of vision before we would have to be standing at the top of the wash to see anything else.
So, ass chewings around once again for various reasons, watch schedule is decided (any guess on who got the shit shift???) and we move out smartly for chow. After chow we all settle down for the night, the watch starts and eventually it ismy turn. I get up and grab the NOD's and the radio and head to the hill side to watch. I actually smelled it before it came, that smell that only a hard driving rain could bring as it kicks up the ground before it. I race down to the wash and start yelling for everyone to get up and move to the high ground. Most of the guys make it before it really hits but a few stragglers got screwed. Torrential downpour for about 20-25 minutes, we watched the wall of water move down the wash and fill in a days hard work as well as bury a few poor schmuck's kit.
I walk over to the LT and all I managed to get out of my mouth was , "Sir, I told you this shit was going to happen" and was immediately asked by the PSG to follow him. What happened next was the absolute most intense ass chewing/smoking I ever was subject too. Words like non-punitive and over my dead body were thrown around a lot, at least enough to make a young CPL remember that the next time he gives the LT shit, make sure the PSG is not around.
I bumped into that LT many years later when he was a senior CPT on his way to MAJ. We sat down for a pint of beer and talked about old times and he remembered that day as clear as I had. He said everytime he ever had someone dig a position the first thing he would do is check to make sure they were out of the low ground. :D
I know, long & winded but it is my story.
CommoGeek
08-06-2004, 08:20
Brew,
I'd explain to you about "tact" but I don't seem to have any myself at the moment. :D
brewmonkey
08-06-2004, 08:23
Originally posted by CommoGeek
Brew,
I'd explain to you about "tact" but I don't seem to have any myself at the moment. :D
I vaguely remember that word being used by the PSG but like usual it went in one ear and out the other to make space for the other "big" words he was using. :D
Bill Harsey
08-06-2004, 09:10
Originally posted by Guy
Do they ever get tired? :eek:
LMAO! Not when it came to ass chewings Guy, My Dad was an old school high climber and logging boss. He ran the woods for another large outfit before owning his own. I was 17 years old, brand new to working on a big timber logging side around the equipment in the woods (this stuff never came to town, it was in the woods year around). The logging show was too dangerous to be around when it was running so we young 'uns wasn't allowed near until we could work there. I was told to back the fuel truck up to the back of the yarder (200,000 lb. machine with 110 foot steel tower and about two miles of cable on monster drums powered by a Cummins V-12 engine for bringing logs up the hill). No one wanted to take the time to tell me what cap to unscrew on the big steel reservoir tanks high on the back so I figured the diesel must be the largest cap. I started the pump and filled 'er up. That was the hydraulic oil reservoir. I shut down the whole outfit for the rest of the day at a loss of 1000 dollars per hour. Ass chewing began then. Oh Yeah, shortly after, all caps on tanks got labeled too.
BondWells
04-20-2006, 21:45
In '79 we were told to go deep on 3ID and see what we could disprupt while they were on an exercise. I found this really big commo cable not far from the Division TOC we were sniffing around, so got an axe and cut about 40 feet out of it to make sure it couldn't be fixed anytime soon. Was going well until my commander was called in and smoked for us cutting the Division Comms with the world - seems the Soviet Union was in the middle of invading Afghanistan and the CG took his comms seriously. My CO came back and "shared" his joy with me...he did say he wasn't sure if we were all getting fired or getting promoted....but it was worth it.
I only got my ass chewed out once while logging. The ass chewing lasted from 1973 until 1984.
LOL This is Good!!
When my dad first asked me to start paying rent, I decided to discuss his figure a bit. Well, I said the wrong thing and the man went on for about 2 minutes straight without coming up for air. Put me to tears. I paid him his rent, and got the heck out of there as soon as possible. :D
My favorite was when I left the Coast Guard Academy the Commandant of Cadets and the Superintendent of the Academy both of whom knew me from the hockey team(they were both big hockey guys) decided to chew my ass six ways from Sunday for approximately an hour. I believe some of the lines used were... not going to accomplish anything with your life, letting your class down, wasting tax payer money, the one that cut deepest was letting us(both of them) down. They were both amazing officers who I really looked up to. After that I almost changed my mind but after talking it over with my parents I decided it was best for me to leave.
Worst ass chewing? I had so many good ones from my old man that I can't
quite pick one. For an officer (he started out as a PVT) he would make any
good team sgt or SGM proud of his ability to chew ass, God Bless my old man.
Best Army ass chewing: We were getting ready for an op and prepping our
gear for infil. I hadn't dummy corded one of my two quart canteens and good
ol' SSG Gates went apeshit! He was having a bad day and lucky me f----d up.
He picked up my ruck and shook it around to demonstrate the proper way of
securing ones equipment, thus dumping out all of the contents and kicking my
gear around. After he completed his tirade he sent me out to go dig a hole.
Oh joy!
Needless to say I took that lesson to heart.
I have two stories off the top of my head; one deserved and one undeserved.
Toward the end of my time at an ordinance company depot on Okinawa, I was a Sabotage Alert Team Leader, inside the fence. At meal breaks, the inside and outside guys would swap vehicles. Early one Sunday morning my team and I drove up the hill in the ¾-ton to breakfast. As we passed the PX/Rec building, we saw black smoke coming up from behind the building. My rifleman grabbed the heavy extinguisher from the rear as I went through the building to find the source of the smoke. I opened the “exit” door to the rear of the building and found a motorcycle that had been covered with a poncho on fire. I took the extinguisher and fired. Nothing. It wasn’t operator failure; we trained with these since we used them outside the bunkers. I had the other guy grab one from the hallway. He handed it to me then closed the door. It locked from the inside. I was trapped in a narrow passageway with a burning motorcycle and an extinguisher I didn’t know how to use and might not work anyway. I quickly read the instructions (the pictures) and turned it upside down. It worked. I got the fire out. Of course the extinguisher spewed until the pressure died. I’m a hero!
Monday morning Top informed me otherwise. I had used two U.S. Army issued fire extinguishers on personal property and I was responsible for the cost of replacement and/or recharging. It didn’t seem to matter that it wasn’t my motorcycle and it was a U.S. Army issued PX that was about to catch fire. Nor that the first U.S. Army issued extinguisher didn’t work and was not from my vehicle.
I was reminded of the deserved ass-chewing by Col. Moroney’s comment about demonstrations for VIPs.
At EWS the ground sensor school was two weeks ending with a 24-hour field exercise. I don’t recall offhand how many sensors the students had to learn but missing one day was costly. We trained not only Army but also Air Force and Marine students so just about every other cycle we had someone who wanted a demonstration. The demonstrations were basically the night half of the field ex. done in daylight. After the “how” part of the demo came the “why” part; the perimeter defense. There were at least four rows of sensors that could be used for warning only or wired to claymores. In the exercise we used the first three for warning and armed the fourth. One day, when I was short, I set the fourth to “safe”. Our infiltrators made it all the way through without being “blown up”. The MSG asked what went wrong and I blamed the engineers; they rigged the pits.
The MSG and the Col. lead the VIP’s down-range to show them the installations. I set the fourth row to “arm.” I owe an apology to the engineers. They did a fine job rigging those pits. :D
Pat