View Full Version : Essay Advice?
My English professor assigned us with an essay that defines a problem and then proposes 3 possible solutions. It was supposed to be local or college focused in scope, but apparently since so few people turned anything in, and the end of the semester is coming, she just wants something written. I'm no scholar and it's probably half-a****, but the following is what I've proposed, and I figured/hoped you guys could give me some input. ANY help and/or criticism at this point would be welcome.
How can we possibly achieve success in Afghanistan?
1. Continue with the trend (?) toward “Afghanistanization” by turning the fight for the country back over to the Afghan people, with support and advisement by special forces and intelligence. While reducing/pulling out any conventional forces who cannot carry out unconventional warfare or foreign internal defense missions.
2. Elect a new and hopefully more effective governing body than what currently exists with Hamid Karzai. His government, though popularly elected has been impotent and overly corrupt.
3. Request help from Iran, while shifting reliance away from Pakistan and the ISI. They have a major stake in the outcome of the region especially due to narco-trafficing in the region originating in Afghanistan, have offered support as recently as this year, and can begin to put pressure on the Pakistani government.
...I figured/hoped you guys could give me some input. ANY help and/or criticism at this point would be welcome.Taktiq--
I urge you to read carefully your school's guidelines on academic integrity before proceeding further along this trajectory of inquiry. In some cases, even well-intended requests such as yours may be in non-compliance with an institution's standards.
What are the restrictions on format/length?
word count? style of paper? research? opinion?
There are other ways of achieving what you want to accomplish in the scholastic world.
IMHO you should keep it simple. Just answer the assignment without trying to introduce a cure for such political malestroms as Afghanistan. Introduce a topic you are very familiar with. Boring? Probably, but you will write a better paper and get thru it with fewer nights of no sleep. Just a thought. (BTW, previous comments re: academic integrity are seconded.) Good luck.
Warrior-Mentor
12-04-2009, 07:31
Taktiq--
I urge you to read carefully your school's guidelines on academic integrity before proceeding further along this trajectory of inquiry. In some cases, even well-intended requests such as yours may be in non-compliance with an institution's standards.
First, listen to Sigaba on this one.
Second, you're going to need a narrower topic if you hope to answer the question comprehensively in anything shorter than 10 pages.
“What are the restrictions on format/length?
word count? style of paper? research? opinion?
There are other ways of achieving what you want to accomplish in the scholastic world.”
MLA format
12-point font (Times New Roman)
4-5 pages of text, not including the Works Cited page.
a minimum of 2-3 credible sources
a properly prepared Works Cited Page according to MLA style
“IMHO you should keep it simple. Just answer the assignment without trying to introduce a cure for such political malestroms as Afghanistan. Introduce a topic you are very familiar with. Boring? Probably, but you will write a better paper and get thru it with fewer nights of no sleep. Just a thought. (BTW, previous comments re: academic integrity are seconded.) Good luck.”
“First, listen to Sigaba on this one.
Second, you're going to need a narrower topic if you hope to answer the question comprehensively in anything shorter than 10 pages.”
I understand what you’re all saying here. As I said I’m no scholar, but I thought it’d be an interesting exercise to try out in essay format. I do plan on attempting to keep it as simple as I possibly can, but to be honest I’m not sure I could come up with enough to come close to 10 pages. As to the comments academic integrity, I’m not sure I know what you’re meaning. I know I have no plans for plagerism or to cheat in any way.
My biggest problem has actually been coming up with a narrower topic. Afghanistan just sparked my interest and I just couldn't come up to any solutions for any of the headaches I deal with at work.
The academic integrity issue is crucial...that said, I'd recommend you stay close to home in selecting a question and stick to what you know in terms of issues and solutions...the subject you have selected is beyond the scope of an undergraduate composition course.
Your question is poorly crafted..."How can we possibly..." You have to be kidding me. The question should be succinct and should be devoid of emotion or drama. Your suggested solutions are weaker.
Find a local topic, a subject closer to your wheel house. Do some research, put some effort into it. Education is a participant-based sport.
The academic integrity issue is crucial...that said, I'd recommend you stay close to home in selecting a question and stick to what you know in terms of issues and solutions...the subject you have selected is beyond the scope of an undergraduate composition course.
Your question is poorly crafted..."How can we possibly..." You have to be kidding me. The question should be succinct and should be devoid of emotion or drama. Your suggested solutions are weaker.
Find a local topic, a subject closer to your wheel house. Do some research, put some effort into it. Education is a participant-based sport.
I'm still not understanding the issues you guys are bringing up about academic integrity. Could somebody please be a little more specific about that.
Anyway, the question that you quoted was only what I had posted for my professor. But I do realize that it wasn't formulated all that well.
The point about my solutions being weak was exactly the type of criticism I was looking for. If someone could tell me why, that'd be even better, but I understand most of you don't have the time to discuss the pro's and con's for whatever reasons. In the meantime, I have been wracking my brain to come up with something else, but still as nothing more than just an academic exercise, it's an interesting subject to postulate on.
I'm still not understanding the issues you guys are bringing up about academic integrity. Could somebody please be a little more specific about that.
IMHO it appears as if you're asking a reputable forum of experienced soldiers to write your paper for you. If you start your paper you will most probably find the depth of your own lack of knowledge about the subject. That will use up valuable time. No doubt there are other classes you also need to pay attention to. Sorry if this observation offends you. It's just my opinion.
I'd recommend you stay close to home in selecting a question and stick to what you know in terms of issues and solutions...the subject you have selected is beyond the scope of an undergraduate composition course.
Concur.
LarryW:
In no way was I intending to have anyone else write my essay for me. I did not mean for it to appear that way, and if it did, I hope I didn't offend anyone.
Well to start off, I agree with the QP's and support on this one as far as choosing a different topic.
In my experience, most college instructors have their own extreme viewpoints on any war or wartime people. There are always exceptions, but most are not military friendly. You could be taking points off your score before you begin on this one. College is about doing things that flow with the professors' way. The name of the game now is not if you can pass a test on the material, it's if you can pass that particular professor's test on the material.
With that being said, unless your class is specifically on the middle east or a conflict, I would stray away from something as complex as A'stan for this one. When you get into your upper level courses (especially if you take anything in the Criminal Justice field), there will be plenty of time to write about it. Trust me.
As far as structure goes, I would use around 4-5 sources MINIMUM. You won't find yourself struggling to find things to write about towards the end of the paper.
To back up the QP's and support again (as a CJ student nearing the end of my college career), remember to Keep It Simple Stupid.
You are a guest on a website maintained by men who have had to deal with issues of a substantial greater gravity than a college essay. We are not a party to this assignment. The parties that should be involved are you and your professor. We are out of our lane on this one. You should be seeking guidance on topics from the professor. The professor should be willing to assign some limits or boundaries. If not, the professor hasn't given sufficient thought to the assignment and you should recall that when the end of term evaluations are passed around.
I cannot believe a college student can't find a question that directly affects them in this day of rising tuition and costs and shrinking resources. Sorry, I am perplexed by your inability to find a local issue that deals directly with your education. Perhaps you are lucky. I could probably write a paper dealing with issues that could impact a student at the University of Wyoming or Colorado State and my undergraduate years are long over.
Focus on the 25 meter target. That isn't just for guys in the pipeline, it's a damned smart way to live. Keeping it simple is a smart way to go. You are pole vaulting over mouse turds. If the course were an international relations course, you might be closer to the intent of the assignment. It seems to me, the assignment deals with critical thinking and composition. Were I grading you on what I've seen here, you would fail.
To quote the line from the Infantry School of 25 years ago, your interpretation of the problem is part of the solution. Reason the task, conditions, and standard for this assignment and do it. This is your monkey, not ours.
At least, that's my $0.02.
I'm still not understanding the issues you guys are bringing up about academic integrity. Could somebody please be a little more specific about that. Depending upon the guidelines on academic integrity at a specific institution, the very act of seeking precise guidance (i.e. asking questions like "Why doesn't this work?) can be in non-compliance.
Similarly, having a third party read a draft and offer specific editorial comments can also be considered violations. As an example, people often use the verb "to infer" when they mean "to imply." If a third party points out that "to infer" is incorrect, that guidance is probably okay. But if that third party then gives you the correct answer, that suggestion may be an act of non-compliance.
IMO, one of the reasons why the Ivory Tower is soundly thrashed in many segments of America is because academics do not articulate clearly the central premise of the university is that students are expected to do most of their learning on their own. This concept is codified in the formula that for every unit/hour of a specific course, the student is expected to invest another three to four hours of work in the library, in the study hall, in the lab, and in consultations with the professor/instructor.*
MOO, the failure of academics to explain this concept to their students contributes to the perception that today's university experience is one of indoctrination rather than education. Is an instructor who stands in front of a class, flapping her (or his) gums about this ism or that ism actually telling students "here's the truth--toe the line or I'll give you a bad grade"? Or is that instructor saying "Based upon my twenty years of studying this field, here's what I think, but I'm much more interesting in learning what YOU have to say after you've spent some time thinking/reading/studying the course materials"?
My $0.02.
__________________________________________________ _____
*One can also talk to one's fellow students, but, that, like, you know, can, like, you know, be like, a like, not, um, you know, be like very, um like, efficient process, you know, so, like, there's some, er, um, like value in being, like, very selective in having these kinds of conversations. Like, you know?
Dozer523
12-04-2009, 15:08
AHhhhhh, Jeez Louise! Here do this.
1) go to the upper right hand corner to Search, type: "Afghanistan"
2) Cut and paste ALL the posts on to a word document
3) String them together with "and" "thusly" "however" and "furthermore"
4) About every five or six sentences, skip a line and indent.
5) Lastly, write this: "Afghanistan has confused non-Afghans for as long as recorded history. Will we get it right? Only time and treasure will tell."
6) Cite your sources. :p
Don't complain we "never help".:D
IMO, one of the reasons why the Ivory Tower is soundly thrashed in many segments of America is because academics do not articulate clearly the central premise of the university is that students are expected to do most of their learning on their own. This concept is codified in the formula that for every unit/hour of a specific course, the student is expected to invest another three to four hours of work in the library, in the study hall, in the lab, and in consultations with the professor/instructor. The Hell with that! I went to college to get away from Mom and Dad, drink, meet pretty girls and get an ROTC commission.:rolleyes:
ZonieDiver
12-04-2009, 17:09
Dozer! What a nice guy! If I Fed-Ex all the essays my students wrote yesterday, could you get them graded and back to me by Monday at 10 a.m.? I have a busy weekend planned! Thanks in advance... :D
Dozer523
12-04-2009, 17:17
Dozer! What a nice guy! If I Fed-Ex all the essays my students wrote yesterday, could you get them graded and back to me by Monday at 10 a.m.? I have a busy weekend planned! Thanks in advance... :DPiece a cake.:D
ZonieDiver
12-04-2009, 17:52
Essay advice requested. This is the response I got from a Junior student to this essay question on a district-provided CRT test -
Background:
You are a teacher and must explain to your students the meaing of Manifest Destiny and how different territories of the nation were acquired from 1803 to 1853.
Purpose:
You will choose three of the following acquisitions to expain Manifest Destiny (be sure to explain how the territory was acquired): the Louisiana Purchase (1803), Texas (1845), Oregon (1846), California and the Mexican Cession (1848), the Gadsden Purchase (1853).
Writer's Role:
You are writing your lesson so that you can explain Manifest Destiny to your students and how territory was acquired from 1803-1853.
Audience:
Your students.
Form:
You are writing lesson notes in the form of a five paragraph essay.
FCA's:
1. Clear position statement (2 points)
2. Define Manifest Destiny (2 points)
3. Explain how three of the territories were acquired (6 points)
NOTE: This comes from the district. I am NOT authorized to change a word or puncutation mark.
Student's response:
What does "Manifest Destiny" mean? Not too many people know that word. If I'm a teacher, I'm gonna explain by tell a story, watch a history movie, and use the example.
Most teachers use a story to explain to their student to understand a word. I think it's a great ideas to explain a word, it will be fun to talk about it.
The movie can easy to help a student who can't speak English like me, the movie can tell too many details to help people understand anything they want.
Last reason is example. It's a easy way to explain many word but make sure all students understand it before ask the question.
In conclusion, this is the best way to explain or ask the student a meaning of a word. For me, I don't understand that word but I'll try hard to find out and explain to my students.
The student in question is an male African immigrant in "Transition" ELL. He is very bright, can converse well on many topics, does well on multiple choice-type tests, and has a burning desire to learn English - adapt to the USA - and become a US citizen.
Grades???
frostfire
12-04-2009, 22:45
ZonieDiver,
how old is he?
what is the grading criteria? The FCA's? If yes, then F.
If he's graded on both English (language arts) and ideas (thought process), then C+. My head hurts reading that response. While grammar and vocabulary are not my forte, coherence and flow of ideas are two points I'm very anal with.
The Hell with that! I went to college to get away from Mom and Dad, drink, meet pretty girls and get an ROTC commission.:rolleyes:I scoffed at that equation every time I read it in the course catalog or heard some old timer--sorry Gypsy--mention it during an introductory lecture. On the other hand, I always understood that if I didn't like the grade I received, it was because I'd made a choice to work, to socialize, or to build another brick wall on the basketball court.
If I Fed-Ex all the essays my students wrote yesterday, could you get them graded and back to me by Monday at 10 a.m.? This was an issue that always bothered me as a student. If we could write the essays in one night, why couldn't they be evaluated in one night?:p
Essay advice requested.
<<SNIP>>
Grades???Is it possible to give the student the least desirable grade of all--an Incomplete? And then a day or two to do the assignment correctly? IMO, the response reads like a punt more than an actual effort to do the assignment correctly.
I found a solution (http://www.concurringopinions.com/archives/2006/12/a_guide_to_grad.html) to grading!
Dozer523
12-05-2009, 00:20
ZonieDiver,
how old is he?
what is the grading criteria? The FCA's? If yes, then F.
If he's graded on both English (language arts) and ideas (thought process), then C+. My head hurts reading that response. While grammar and vocabulary are not my forte, coherence and flow of ideas are two points I'm very anal with.
May I decipher the response for you? (I'm not in my "Hancock' mode here, really.)
What does "Manifest Destiny" mean? Not too many people know that word. If I'm a teacher, I'm gonna explain by tell a story, watch a history movie, and use the example. The student is interpreting the question literally, the student has thought what he would do as a teacher to teach what the words Manifest Destiny is to a student that looks remarkably like the young man taking the test.
Most teachers use a story to explain to their student to understand a word. I think it's a great ideas to explain a word, it will be fun to talk about it. The movie can easy to help a student who can't speak English like me, the movie can tell too many details to help people understand anything they want. Last reason is example. It's a easy way to explain many word but make sure all students understand it before ask the question. These are three very effective ways to teach almost any concept. That is what the test asked for, isn't it? Look -- explain to your students the meaing of Manifest Destiny as a teacher. Literal Translation.
In conclusion, this is the best way to explain or ask the student a meaning of a word. For me, I don't understand that word but I'll try hard to find out and explain to my students. He never saw Manifest destiny as a concept (fairly unique to America concept -- most countries call it "land grab" Imperialism or "takin' our stuff".)
The most important line of this answer IMHO is, "I don't understand that word but I'll try hard to find out . . . " There is no way an F is appropriate because of the "Transition" ELL designation. But I don't know what the transition plan for the student is. I wonder if this year he could use all the classes as immersion and retake class like this one next year when his English is better. Give this kid an F and you'll crush him.
BTW how many of us can explain the effect of the apartheid on the indigenous population of Rhodesia / Zimbabwe? Of course not, well, probably not. Not to worry, it will be explained to you . . . in Shona.
Oh, and in Shona answer this question: "You are a teacher and must explain to your students the meaing of apartheid and how different territories of the nation were affected from 1903 to 1969." Good luck.
Question, what are his math grades like?:confused:
(See, no Hancock at all . . .I didn't even go near that "I'm very anal" or ending a sentence by dangling "with":p)
Guys,
When I posted that I understood. I did understand. I also stated I was looking for another topic, which as of this posting I am working on. Though I am a guest, there was also no need for the rest of those comments. Asking for a little harmless advice from people who obviously have a better grasp of the subject than myself, is just that...harmless.
While I may not have understood what people were talking about in regards to academic integrity, the issue was then explained and also understood.
So, the reply about copying and pasting information from another thread after searching for the word Aghanistan was completely uncalled for. And frankly, stupid and rather insulting.
My English professor assigned us with an essay that defines a problem and then proposes 3 possible solutions. It was supposed to be local or college focused in scope, but apparently since so few people turned anything in, and the end of the semester is coming, she just wants something written. I'm no scholar and it's probably half-a****, but the following is what I've proposed, and I figured/hoped you guys could give me some input. ANY help and/or criticism at this point would be welcome.
How can we possibly achieve success in Afghanistan?
Taktiq - sounds as if you (a) were an FTFSI in doing the original assignment as outlined by your professor and (2) got your wish from the members of this forum.
ZD - ahhh...the teracher's burden...I'd call the kid in for a verbal Q&A to see what he does know as he apparently did not understand the original assignment from the district as written, ensure he knows what is being asked and required of him, and give him a redo. I'd wager his second effort will be worth your efforts to support him. ;)
Richard's $.02 :munchin
The Reaper
12-05-2009, 15:22
Guys,
When I posted that I understood. I did understand. I also stated I was looking for another topic, which as of this posting I am working on. Though I am a guest, there was also no need for the rest of those comments. Asking for a little harmless advice from people who obviously have a better grasp of the subject than myself, is just that...harmless.
While I may not have understood what people were talking about in regards to academic integrity, the issue was then explained and also understood.
So, the reply about copying and pasting information from another thread after searching for the word Aghanistan was completely uncalled for. And frankly, stupid and rather insulting.
I would mind my tone here, especially after asking for feedback.
TR
frostfire
12-05-2009, 18:33
Question, what are his math grades like?:confused:
(See, no Hancock at all . . .I didn't even go near that "I'm very anal" or ending a sentence by dangling "with":p)
My way or the better way. Fire away with corrections as it will only help me in the long run and learning never ends. I was taught to worry once no one bothers to correct me.
I did get the gist of his response and I agree with Q&A, second chance to retake the grade/the class, but an F is an F. He could/should have asked for aid/clarification from friends, teacher, online research, jumped up and down, etc. if he had trouble understanding the grading criteria. I assume he did none of that. This is America. Along with the right to pursue happiness and all that good stuff, there also the less popular one: the right to fail. To experience F early in life under controlled conditions and plenty of support to bounce back is better than later on in college or at work. He'll get more than just a chance to improve language skills. He'll get a chance to develop an indomitable spirit.
FWIW, English is not my first language. I thought I was smart until I enrolled in a certain Institute of Technology and got my first F. I understood the material as I already learned it in highschool, but I misinterpreted the question. Another instance was when I had to give presentation on democracy, American Gov't, and such in a political science class. Looking back, that was one of the best thing ever happened to me. Out of it, I learned the value of humility and hardwork.
I'm also curious how he does in math.
Dozer523
12-05-2009, 22:24
Guys,
When I posted that I understood. I did understand. I also stated I was looking for another topic, which as of this posting I am working on. Though I am a guest, there was also no need for the rest of those comments. Asking for a little harmless advice from people who obviously have a better grasp of the subject than myself, is just that...harmless.
While I may not have understood what people were talking about in regards to academic integrity, the issue was then explained and also understood.
So, the reply about copying and pasting information from another thread after searching for the word Aghanistan was completely uncalled for. And frankly, stupid and rather insulting.OH, you can hardly imagine the remorse with which I struggle.
I was just trying to lighten things up a bit, since so many had called you a cheater. Of course, I assumed you got that. YOU DIDN'T! That is so disappointing.
Actually, my suggestion kinda peaked my interest and so far MY essay is kinda interesting.
You might notice we've moved beyond YOU in this thread.
That is a revealing signature BTW.
BTW there isn't too much harmless stuff out there, really.
TS: I know, I KNOW.... http://www.lashorasperdidas.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/will-smith-john-hancock-01.jpg TS: I tried, I TRIED!
ZonieDiver
12-06-2009, 15:33
Though I am a guest, there was also no need for the rest of those comments.
Taktiq,
One of the major rules about asking for advice is to be prepared for what follows. It may not always be to your liking. Many people seek advice from QPs here. People who will be training to follow in their footsteps. It is a journey that requires a great deal of honesty and integrity. There are times in that training when no one will be watching what they are doing - or not doing. Almost all answers here - to anyone - keep that fact in mind.
By the way, if you thought the responses were harsh, it is a very good thing you don't envision spending time in the military.