View Full Version : Choosing a Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
Dozer523
10-22-2009, 13:25
There are women who frequent this site.
Some will hunt you down
Red Flag 1
10-22-2009, 14:06
Lost ten grand to hook up with the biggest..........I guess the "total make over"
I know, its only a joke.....listen to the Dozer!!
RF 1
Slantwire
10-22-2009, 14:09
.
longrange1947
10-22-2009, 15:12
I'm staying out of this one!!! :eek:
There are women who frequent this site. Some will hunt you down.
Reminds me of the old joke about what happens when you mix PMS with a GPS - you get a B**** who WILL find you! ;)
"HOLY S***! INNNNN...COOOMMMMMM...INGGGGG!" :eek:
There are women who frequent this site.
Some will hunt you down
So silly. :p How can you fault a guy for telling the truth?
:D
Thank you, Dozer, for your chivalry. ;)
I thought it was funny, but then, I'd be one the man picked for his wife. :p
-Susan
Snaquebite
10-22-2009, 18:16
Had some nice ones....paid for them to get bigger...(her idea)....she's gone.
'nuf said
How can you fault a guy for telling the truth? I'm sure all you need do is ask an ex-wife...they find ways...;)
He should have saved the money to spend on any future "up"-keep.
Sorry if I offended anybody with this joke. I just thought it was funny, and didn't mean to insult anyone. I guess I've lived alone for too long. I need to get out more.
For 15k he could have put half down on a bass boat.
kimberly
10-22-2009, 22:26
Sorry if I offended anybody with this joke. I just thought it was funny, and didn't mean to insult anyone. I guess I've lived alone for too long. I need to get out more.
You don't have to apologize... . Hmmm... men just don't understand that when a woman is appreciated for what's BEHIND those attractive orbs on her chest, and what's ABOVE them as well, the marriage lasts longer.
Can you imagine if your manhood was the first thing we noticed about men??? Honestly, gee, where I could go with this... .:eek: I'd better leave it alone.:munchin
kimberly
10-22-2009, 22:28
For 15k he could have put half down on a bass boat.
This thread just keeps getting better...:munchin
frostfire
10-22-2009, 22:53
You don't have to apologize... . Hmmm... men just don't understand that when a woman is appreciated for what's BEHIND those attractive orbs on her chest, and what's ABOVE them as well, the marriage lasts longer.
Can you imagine if your manhood was the first thing we noticed about men??? Honestly, gee, where I could go with this... .:eek: I'd better leave it alone.:munchin
haha, bring it on kimberly...just make sure it's a good joke! Bunch of thick-skinned men around here.
You must be a romantic, which reminds me of these:
“Eve was not taken out of Adam’s head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him."
- Matthew Henry
While I agree with what you wrote, I also like to keep it simple. When women appeal to men with those orbs rather than what's behind or above them, they got what they paid for. Then again, this is the comedy zone, and gender stereotypes do make funny jokes :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYnhtcLiXcs&feature=related
WD
Ladies.......we get started young, and it stays with us all our lives.
:D :D :D
PedOncoDoc
10-23-2009, 07:25
It seems to me that those attractive orbs are the inital impression that gets a man interested in seeing what's behind and above them...
For women, it's typically the other way around: What's above and behind them typically precludes a women's interest in investigating the man's "orbs."
I'm just sayin'....:D
kimberly
10-23-2009, 08:36
You mean its not. That answers some questions I have had for years. :p
Brush, do you notice women's eyes directed at your crotch while you're trying to have a conversation with them?? Sheesh. We are more subtle than men are. When we look, it's not as noticable.
haha, bring it on kimberly...just make sure it's a good joke! Bunch of thick-skinned men around here.
You must be a romantic, which reminds me of these:
“Eve was not taken out of Adam’s head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him."
- Matthew Henry
While I agree with what you wrote, I also like to keep it simple. When women appeal to men with those orbs rather than what's behind or above them, they got what they paid for. Then again, this is the comedy zone, and gender stereotypes do make funny jokes :D
Frost, Not to worry, I'll come up with some good ones to even things out a bit.
Romantic? I am, to a fault, unabashed, which brings me to say that quote by Matthew Henry is absolutely beautiful.
I understand, it's difficult to have respect for a woman who sticks them right out there to ATTRACT that kind of attention from you men. But they are there. What can we do besides make the best of it? Of course in a more unobtrusive kind of way.
Ladies.......we get started young, and it stays with us all our lives.
I think you're related to the guy with the bass boat. :)
It seems to me that those attractive orbs are the inital impression that gets a man interested in seeing what's behind and above them...
For women, it's typically the other way around: What's above and behind them typically precludes a women's interest in investigating the man's "orbs."
I'm just sayin'....:D
What about the flat chested women? Do they get passed by becuase they don't have the hook to attach to the sinker??
For the record, I think men's minds travel that particular route (Chest to heart to mind.), and that's not ALL bad.
kimberly
10-23-2009, 08:42
"Many a dangerous temptation comes to us in gay, fine colours, that are but skin-deep.”
~Matthew Henry
:D
PedOncoDoc
10-23-2009, 08:57
What about the flat chested women? Do they get passed by becuase they don't have the hook to attach to the sinker??
For the record, I think men's minds travel that particular route (Chest to heart to mind.), and that's not ALL bad.
I was making a bit of an over-generalization. Men typically do not approach a woman if there is no initial physical attraction. Where it goes from there is an entirely different matter.
Men can get by on wit and charm when they are modestly attractive at best, whereas this feat is much more difficult for women. Women typically are a bit more forgiving on initial physical impressions - and that is how you can see a drop-dead gorgeous woman (such as my wife) with the likes of someone like me. :)
Double standard? Absolutely. Politically correct? Absolutely not.
The honest truth? You betcha!
kimberly
10-23-2009, 09:32
I was making a bit of an over-generalization. Men typically do not approach a woman if there is no initial physical attraction. Where it goes from there is an entirely different matter.
Men can get by on wit and charm when they are modestly attractive at best, whereas this feat is much more difficult for women. Women typically are a bit more forgiving on initial physical impressions - and that is how you can see a drop-dead gorgeous woman (such as my wife) with the likes of someone like me. :)
Double standard? Absolutely. Politically correct? Absolutely not.
The honest truth? You betcha!
So basically, what you're saying is that men are superficial and women aren't?:eek: I don't believe that.
PedOncoDoc
10-23-2009, 09:48
So basically, what you're saying is that men are superficial and women aren't?:eek:
Your words - not mine. I would definitely agree that boys are more superficial than women. I tend to have stricter criteria for whom I call a man.
On the flipside, another way to twist my comments would be to say that men are more interested in getting the total package while women will settle for less. I disagree with and would never make such a foolish statement. :D
kimberly
10-23-2009, 09:52
Your words - not mine. I would definitely agree that boys are more superficial than women. I tend to have stricter criteria for whom I call a man.
On the flipside, another way to twist my comments would be to say that men are more interested in getting the total package while women will settle for less. I disagree with and would never make such a foolish statement. :D
Ouch. You're getting defensive. If you want to go that route, why do so many men go for the "dumb blonds" with no brains?
PedOncoDoc
10-23-2009, 09:59
Ouch. You're getting defensive. If you want to go that route, why do so many men go for the "dumb blonds" with no brains?
Again - I think we are using a different definition of "man."
I think there are plenty of people from both sexes who have had relationships based solely on lust - they tend not to last long unless something more substantial develops or at least one of the partners involved is a complete waste of oxygen.
There are almost as many pretty boys as dumb blondes out there who aren't hurting for attention. I find it a bit sad, actually.
I also don't know why I'm defending any of these behaviors. :confused:
Surgicalcric
10-23-2009, 10:07
You two are ruining a perfectly good joke with your bantering back and forth over an age old issue between the sexes.
Take your serious conversation elsewhere; this is the comedy forum. sheesh...
It was an old joke that I've seen in a dozen forums over the last dozen years...cute the first time, but....
If boobs are what you want, boobs are what you get...my GF has a beautiful smile and a maniacal laugh...I get to see the smile alot and hear the laugh often...that pleases me...
That said, this thread should be euthanized, IMNSHO...
armymom1228
10-23-2009, 11:49
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
HAHAHA - Then I am screwed I guess.. :D:D
It's a guy thing ya know. No offense taken at all.
Some guys just like earmuffs.:D
For 15k he could have put half down on a bass boat.
Heck yes and get someone who could cook and clean the bass for him on top of that.
Send me a pic of the boat!
Had some nice ones....paid for them to get bigger...(her idea)....she's gone.
And when the biggies, get to hurting her back, someone else will pay to have them made smaller.
OTOH, imagine some 80 yr old with perky bewbees. LMAO. I have seen it, and it is not pretty. You are probably better off.
my GF has a beautiful smile and a maniacal laugh...I get to see the smile alot and hear the laugh often...that pleases me...
YOU, my friend are both a blessed and lucky man!
....this is the comedy forum. sheesh...
The old man once said, "In my pursuit to find the perfect set of breasts, I have found them everytime I went looking, they are all perfect, from 18 to 80".
The thread is dead....
HowardCohodas
10-23-2009, 13:30
Other dating precautions. Should I ask her for a date? (http://www.chaimcartoons.com/images/albums/NewAlbum_84257/A-Creative-Rejection.jpg)
Red Flag 1
10-23-2009, 13:55
The old man once said, "In my pursuit to find the perfect set of breasts, I have found them everytime I went looking, they are all perfect, from 18 to 80".
The thread is dead....
Agree with dead thread.
Ya never know how folks will look at humor....at any level. This was predestined, IMMHO.
RF 1
Red Flag 1
10-23-2009, 14:04
Other dating precautions. Should I ask her for a date? (http://www.chaimcartoons.com/images/albums/NewAlbum_84257/A-Creative-Rejection.jpg)
Enjoy and learn from your posts. Ask Betty for a date only if Tim needs help with sight alignment:D:D
RF 1
armymom1228
10-23-2009, 15:22
Agree with dead thread.
Ya never know how folks will look at humor....at any level. This was predestined, IMMHO.
RF 1
I have learned the same thing. I also know that laughter keeps you young.
Oscar Wilde said that "life is too important to be taken seriously".
At work, I consider my day messed up, IF, I cannot make my pts laugh a little during my shift. Humor, most always is based on fact.
I have also noticed that if a person wants to be offended, they most always will find a way to be offended no matter how politically correct you are.
Since we are discussing mamaries...
Back in 2005 my Granddtr Kayla, who was two at the time. I was standing in the kitchen door talking to her mother when Kay came up and poked my leg.
In her oh so serious 2 yr old voice she asked
"Gramma you gots bewbees?"
"Yes I do."
"where's your baby" (at the time her brother was 7 mos old and a nursing baby. Her mother could not nurse her because she was sick and on antibiotics when Kayla was born. )
So she asked where my baby was, I replied.
"Your mom is my baby"
She looked from her mom to me and back again and said,
"How you feed my mommy." I knew she was talking about nursing. lol..
"your mommy eats with a fork and knife Kay, didn't you get bewbees"
She looked shocked at my question and said very seriously...
"OH no! only boy baby's get bewbees"
At that moment I looked around to my son in law and (now ex)BF... both were red faced from trying not to laugh.
back to packing.. AM
I'm sure all you need do is ask an ex-wife...they find ways...;)
LOL so I've heard... ;)
Sorry if I offended anybody with this joke. I just thought it was funny, and didn't mean to insult anyone. I guess I've lived alone for too long. I need to get out more.
I thought it was GREAT, no need for apologies. It's the freaking humor section after all. :D
Some people just don't get it. :rolleyes:
Bill Harsey
10-23-2009, 19:29
LOL so I've heard... ;)
I thought it was GREAT, no need for apologies. It's the freaking humor section after all. :D
Some people just don't get it. :rolleyes:
Jeeeez, I'm glad your around here....
Editoriated (had to add that to the spelling dictionary) ...For more than just this joke. Any of you prospective knuckleheads want to take that wrong, c'mon by the shop. ;)
frostfire
10-24-2009, 01:49
Other dating precautions. Should I ask her for a date? (http://www.chaimcartoons.com/images/albums/NewAlbum_84257/A-Creative-Rejection.jpg)
good one!
I'm training two young ladies to make such group, so they can send an implicit message: "You break my heart and I will literary break you heart" :D
After years of frat house and psyc rotation, I'm tired of boys preying on girls with low self-worth.....yeah, I guess I'm a gender traitor
Jeeeez, I'm glad your around here....
Feeling is mutual, Mr. H. :)