Move to Arizona...

[greenberetTFS]

A Friend of ours just recently moved to Phoenix........;)

Dear Big Teddy and Maggie...Just moved to Arizona ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place!
It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here..

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain.. No more mowing the lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon.
The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits.
I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:
The wind sucks.. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!
And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one.
Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire..
My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do Shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over.
Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?"
My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Arizona .

What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

Big Teddy :munchin

[JJ_BPK]

Love it,, Tx Ted

[PR31C]

Diary Entries

AUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The
hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering
them. I love it here.

OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned
all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the
beautiful hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they
are the most wonderful animal on Earth. This must be paradise. I love it
here.

NOV. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to
kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon, I love it here.

DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in
white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off
the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and
when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a
beautiful place. I love Ohio.

DEC. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick
again to the driveway. I love it here.

DEC. 19 More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to
work. I am exhausted from shoveling. F-ing snowplow.

DEC. 22 More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my
hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and
waits till I'm done shoveling. A-hole.

DEC. 25 Merry F-ing Christmas! More friggen snow. If I ever get my
hands on that sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll kill the
bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the
f-ing ice.

DEC. 27 More of that White Shit last night. Been inside for 3 days except
for shoveling out the driveway after that snowplow goes through every time.
Can't go anywhere, cars stuck in a mountain of that White Shit. The
weatherman says to expect another 10" of the shit again tonight. Do you
know how many shovels full 10" of snow is?

DEC. 28 The f-ing weatherman was Wrong. We got 34" of that white shit
this time. At this rate it won't melt before the middle of next summer.
The snowplow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and
asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels
already shovelling the white shit he pushed into my driveway, I broke my
last one right over his F-in' Head!

JAN. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food
and on the way back damned deer ran out in front of the car and I hit it.
Did about $3000.00 worth of damage to the car. Those f-ing beasts should
be killed. Wished the hunters had got them all last November.

MAY 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the
motherf-er is rusting out from all the goddamn salt they put on the
roads?

MAY 10 Moved to Florida. I can't imagine anyone in their right mind
wanting to live in the God-forsaken state of Ohio.

[longrange1947]

Let the state wars begin!! :munchin :p

[Red Flag 1]

Big Teddy and PR31C:

You guys owe me a keyboard, coffee out the nose; probably have to visit an ENT doc later:D:D

RF 1

[ZonieDiver]

JAN. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food
and on the way back damned deer ran out in front of the car and I hit it.
Did about $3000.00 worth of damage to the car. Those f-ing beasts should
be killed. Wished the hunters had got them all last November.


Speaking of hitting a deer in a car - it doesn't just happen in Ohio, in winter!

http://www.azcentral.com/community/gilbert/articles/2009/09/16/20090916abrk-elkaccident.html

[akv]

A short time ago…

In a state on the Left Coast….

I moved to the SF Bay Area last year after a decade in NYC and North Carolina.


June 15- 68 degrees hazy then sunny. Wow, what a picturesque city on the water, rolling hills and cable cars, great restaurants and culture. People are so nice here, the cashier at Che’s Radical Java, kept asking if my coffee was sweet enough. Such a friendly fellow overcoming his lisp and all.

June 30- 70 degrees hazy then sunny. Sonoma Wine country, skiing in Tahoe, Pebble Beach all a few hours away this is unbelievable. Attended a party in my apartment building, heard “Battle of the Bulge” reference. I mentioned a book on the Screaming Eagles at Bastogne. I was informed we were actually talking about Oprah’s weight fluctuations, and any eagles screaming were probably the result of oppression by white males. However, four tattooed and pierced individuals kindly offered to march in my save the screaming eagles protest wherever Bastogne was.

July 25 - 68 degrees hazy then sunny, foggy cold nights. I met a pretty lady walking my dog in Golden Gate Park. She asked what do you feed him? Dog food I replied. She gasped in horror, you can’t do that. Apparently incisors aside, dogs are actually herbivores and must only be fed synthetic tofu duck mush with a few drops of Cod liver oil. She had big boobs so I stuck around, that is until the SPCA showed up, I must admit I agreed that Oba-Mao is dreamy to escape. ( I still have a dog and feed it Purina illicitly)

August 30- 72 degrees hazy then sunny, nights are arctic. Went sea fishing just off the Golden Gate Bridge, caught 2 big Halibuts, a Stryper and a Dogfish Shark. Went for a jog on Ocean Beach, was handed a flyer reminding me to vote yes on an initiative to rename the local sewage factory, the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

September 30- A perfect 75 degrees. Finally met a girl who didn’t run away shrieking when I mentioned, I enjoyed sports other than Luge, ate red meat, and voted Republican. Took her on our first date to a hip bar called Orson’s in Mission Bay on a Thursday night. Despite poor SA noticed I was only the only man in the bar, my date was the only one in a dress, and everyone else was bitter, sans Adams apple, with shaved heads and Womyn Power t-shirts. Its Rugged Lesbian night at Orson’s on Thursdays FYI. ( no line for the men’s room though.) I’m not sure if my date liked me or was clinging on for self preservation, regardless I now have a girlfriend.

October 31– 55 degrees and hazy. Either Halloween isn’t big out here or people dress so weird normally there is no difference. Decided to get in a swim at the Embarcadero YMCA before dinner. On my way from the pool into the men’s locker room noticed the following sign. “ Please refrain from having sex in the showers”. I have never wished so much for E&E training, the YMCA in Chapel Hill didn’t have a sign like this. Thus endeth my swimming career, so I decided to get back into shooting, and exercised my second amendment rights by buying a pistol. To my surprise, 10 day waiting period, only one pistol per 30 days, ammunition sales within SF city limits illegal, 10 round magazine limit, and assault rifles if not banned cannot have a pistol grip or detachable magazine. I naturally bought 3 guns last year in protest to save the screaming eagles.

November 30- 55 degrees and hazy. Attended CAL football game with girlfriend, noticed multi-million dollar stadium refit delayed three years by 6 protesters living in trees, never seen sushi at a football game, also noticed large ugly women in pink with buzz cuts picketing the Marine Corps recruiting station. I farted in their general direction. If however you want to buy illegal drugs Berkeley is the place for you! We were forced to sit next to a smelly French Grad student on BART back to SF. I mentioned I had visited Normandy, he mentioned “Yes, you Americans screwed that up.” I completely snapped, screaming listen Pierre if we had really screwed that up you would still be singing “Deutschland Uber whatever…” France is a third world power, do the world a favor and discover deodorant! ( I forgot to mention my girlfriends name is Monique Richelieu)


Dec 25- 55 degrees and hazy. HAPPY KWANZA! Had some quality dim-sum in China town, then went snowboarding in Tahoe. Decided to look for a house in SF, only $1000/sqr foot, no earthquake insurance, taxes increasing. The girlfriend perhaps still experiencing PTSD from Orson’s or repulsed by my boorish outburst on BART, informs me she is moving back home either to Ohio or Arizona.

Here’s looking at you kid, we will always have San Francisco….

[echoes]

What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Big Teddy

Teddy,

LMMFAO!!! :D

So true!! Have spent time in Scottsdale at the Mayo, curiously in the summer!;)

I'll never forget getting back into the Jeep parked in underground hospital parking, and the inside thermo read 100...and while coasting back to the hotel, it read the outside at 120. :eek:

That was quite an adventure!!! And I learned from a local resident that the windshield on the truck does not need to be cleaned while gassing up!:D hehehe

Holly