Briefback Contest!!!

[Roguish Lawyer]

Time to stir things up in this forum. Post your best work story in this thread. Winner gets a nice NRA t-shirt and maybe something else if the winning story is particularly good. There will be a panel of judges put together later. You don't have to be a QP to post a story, but it had better be really good if you're a civilian. Only one entry per member, please.

:munchin

[Roguish Lawyer]

Not one reply? WTF, over.

[Pete]

I'm still thinking on if I should post it or not.

The individual was on my team and is still living.

It was one of those "You had to be there" stories in Briefback History - and it was in a Briefback.

[Sdiver]

Not one reply? WTF, over.

Okay R.L.,

I'll put one I put up awhile ago.

http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13394&highlight=leatherman

:munchin

[Box]

...we did not have an 18b to do the weapons portion of the briefback. So ouor "extra" 18e did the weapons portion (not much to do, basic load, order of march etc etc... nothing that required anything more than basic tactical competence. It was also well known that the boss was known to ask the briefer questions about other MOS's to make sure everyone knew the "plan"

...as we all finished, the boss looked around and decided he wanted to "test" us. (actually the question was nothing short of petty 'trouble shooting' meant to show that he knew how to ask technical questions). So he fingered the guy that briefed the weapons portion and asked him a ridiculously technical commo question... all the while wearing a smug "I got you now" smirk...

...so our 'acting 18b' launched into a technical solution that would have given Bill Gates a migraine headache. The CSM knew the deal and just smiled and looked at the floor, the boss had NO IDEA who he was talking to and proceeded to show us how far open he could hold his mouth in disbelief.


...he didnt ask anymore questions either.

[Pete]

Our team was nearing the end of a long isolation. Every member knew the plan forwards and backwards. Could rattle all the PACE plans of at the drop of the hat. Snap a pointer on the map and everybody could recite exactly what should be taking place and when.

Ran through the last practice - perfect.

The Boss was known to ask nit-noy questions after the briefback trying to trip members up on their answers. I told the guys "If it was not something covered in the briefback and you can't think of an answer just give any answer, I don't care what it is even if it's "bayonet 'um", we'll back you up."

The Briefback ran without a hitch, perfect, no problems. The Boss taps his pen on his notes, clears his throat and with his first question says to our senior commo "SSG P, what are you going to do with prisoners?"

I'm like "Wow, a softball lob right off the bat" and turn to look at the senior commo......... just in time to see the toilet flush, his face went slack, eyes got a little bigger, mouth flopped a couple of times and then "Bayonet them, Sir!"

The Boss sat back in his seat with a shocked look on his face, the CSM's eyes were rolling around on the ceiling and his hand was over his mouth, all the staff had their faces down looking at the floor and their shoulders were shaking and the AST's eyes were screwed shut.

I jumped in with "Of course Sir, we all know that.........."

The CO's heart just wasn't in the next few questions and he quickly turned it over to the staff which did the "No questions, No questions, No questions", it was over and they walked out.

As soon as the door closed we all said "You idiot" and he was "I knew what the answer was but as soon as he asked it my mind went blank and the only thing I could remember was you saying "bayonet 'um"."

[Roguish Lawyer]

Pete's story qualifies for extra stuff. I will be impressed if someone does better! :munchin

[Roguish Lawyer]

Didn't mean to leave the Sky God out -- that was good too. Looking forward to more!

[The Reaper]

Planning for a recon mission on an airfield in Central America.

My TS and I did the initial planning. We had a bunch of criteria to follow. Two man rule, one team at the time on the OBJ, remainder in the RON, change the RON location every 48 hours, etc., etc. We were up until about 0300 working out all of the moving parts. Finally, we had a (very complicated) plan that met all of the criteria. Lots of movement.

Got up with the team at 0600, PT, chow. Then we briefed the team. 18F asks why we don't just move A to B, and B to C, cut out about 75% of the moves. TS and I look at it to try and figure out why it would not work. It did. Perfect plan. Why didn't we think of that?

Prep for the briefback. Build sand table. Used colored Magic Marker caps to indicate different locations. Running late, no time to double check. Battalion Commander, juggling his Group coins in his hand as we brief back. Walk to the sand table to brief the movement. We explain what the red, green, blue, and yellow caps are. Battalion Commander asks, "What is the black cap for? I look at the TS and he looks at me. No idea. Finally the Junior 18E looks over my shoulder and goes, "That's where that went, been looking all over for it." Snaps in onto the marker he has in his hand.

TR

[The Reaper]

This one will not make a lot of sense unless you have actually sat through a briefback and have a working knowledge of '60s television.

Battalion Commander is taking the briefback for a team from our company.

All questions are held till the end of the brief.

Lots of lines and graphics on the one over the world air graphic map. Battalion Commander is studying it during the briefback.

Gets to the question period. BC lets everyone else go first, then he starts. Finishes up with, "CPT W, I only have one more question. I am familiar with most of the markings on the map, the FLOT, the FEBA, PZs, LZs, the PONR. One that I am afraid I am unfamiliar with is the RNZ. Could you explain what that is?"

Detachment Commander says, cool as ice, "Well, Sir, that is the Romulan Neutral Zone. If we cross that, there is going to be big trouble."

Company Commander puts his head in his hands. Everyone else starts staring at the ceiling or the floor. The room is dead quiet. BC stares at the Detachment Commander for a few seconds, and then starts laughing. The staff joins in. Team gets selected for the mission, but the Team Leader gets to visit with the Company Commander first.

Very funny to watch, maybe not to be involved in.

TR

[kgoerz]

A bunch of big wigs came to sit in on one of the Students brief backs at SOT School. It was their final FTX Hit. During the Breachers portion. The Breacher explained how they would resort to the Hoolie/Halogen Tools if the explosive breach failed.
Of course none of them knew what a Halogen tool was. After the brief we hear the General tell one of his Aids "I want all the information you can find on this Halogen/Hoolie tool thing on my desk in the morning. He obviously thought it was some type of high speed Breaching gadget.
I would of liked to seen the response when he was shown a simple Fire Fighters tool in the morning.

[Richard]

REFORGER - ISOFAC RAF Sculthorpe, UK - SADM Team Pre-MSN PREP for an Infil into the Schwarzwald.

We were usually short a team member or two and nearly always needed to request a filler. Having gotten tired of it all and seeking a little comic relief, we decided to mess with the BN CDR (LTC Snort), BN CSM (Preacher), and S1 (a candy stripe paper pushing weenie who was always trying to sharpshoot the Teams with his knowledge of ARs and forms).

When questioned by the S1 about personnel, we indicated our need for a 12B (one was TDY to school) and a 96Q (Ninety-Six Kaybeck). The S1 just nodded as he didn't know what a 96Q was and didn't want the colonel to know it - but the BN CDR bit and asked, "What's a Ninety-Six Kaybeck?"

The straight-faced response from our TM SGT - "It's a damn small unit queer, sir. This looks to be a one-way mission, the Army won't allow us to take any women along with us, and we sure as hell can't mingle with the natives 'cause they don't have the proper clearances. And sir, can we get an extra chubby one in case we don't get resupplied and have to resort to cannibalism? I've never seen a Team who can eat as much as these guys."

Silence - everyone looking around the room to see how anyone else was going to react - until the BN CDR finally stated that he thought that just about covered it for the briefback and gave us the 'GO'. After everyone had left, we laughed about it all and the Team was in one of the best moods I ever experienced prior to an infil.

Repercussions - minor ones it turned out - came later.

FWIW - the mission went well, too, and we succeeded where 2 ODAs from the 10th, 1 ODA from the 5th, and 1 SEAL Team from NAVSPECWARGRUTWO had failed. ;)

Richard's $.02 :munchin

[rltipton]

I was on 361 back in the 90's, so some of the 3rd Groupers will remember a detachment commander we had for a little while, "JD". He had quite the reputation for doing retarded things and he began the first time he walked in the team room an announced, "Howdy shipmates, I'm the new boss."

I hate to bash him because he was a nice guy, he was not a dumbass, although he did some of the stupidest shit I ever saw...he was just way out of his element being a soldier, much less an SF guy. Zero situational awareness...

These are just a couple of work stories about that clown.

JD incident #1: A week after JD signed in Kensinger held that famous group in-ranks dress greens inspection (1994?) that took a couple of hours. The new captain was late...VERY late. Kensinger was inspecting 355 (next was 356 then us for inspection) when JD runs up to the formation and bumps the Team Sergeant breathing hard.

I hear people behind us snickering, then a I hear this deep growl from Perry telling him to get his sorry ass inside the team room and don't go anywhere and that he better be running.

About the time Kensinger finished up with 356 and was rolling around the turn to inspect 361 JD was just scooting inside the company front door with 2/3 of the battalion in stitches.

I don't know if Kensinger saw his green jungle boots or not, but everybody else did.

JD incident #2: We are in Antigua for our annual MAROPS train-up/certification and it's JD's first time out with the boys. We were launching off Zodiacs 10k out then swimming back in on a budline for one of our certification tasks. We went over safety before we loaded the Zods...nobody had any questions, so we launch. JD said he had done it all in the National Guard....

I got paired off with the new captain at the #3 position on the budline. Tm Sgt tells 1's to go and they jump off the boat, 2's go (Tm Sgt). I wait a few seconds and tell JD to go and we both jump in.

I see the other 4 guys when I come up but no JD. Thank goodness for him that water is clear. I look down and there is JD looking at me from about 5 feet below the surface with his eyes as big as pie plates blowing bubbles out like an idiot probably yelling "HELP!" or something.

I ditched my gear and got to him at about 10 feet down and he almost drowned me and the safety swimmer pulling him up to the boat.

First, he was asked why he did not pop his CO2. It seemed he popped it the day before on the water jump so his harness wouldn't sink and forgot to get a new one.

Next he was asked why his gear was so heavy. He had a bright idea in concept, but the execution could not have been worse. He was out sight-seeing and missed the classes for waterproofing his shit and he missed how to make his gear neutral buoyant. He figured he would double up a trash bag and fill it with cinder blocks (I mean FILL it) and tie it off.

JD's logic:

Cinder blocks = weight = pull down
+
Air in trash bag tied off = balloon = float
=
Neutral buoyant

Then he was asked why he didn't just ditch his gear...it was all tied to him with square knots.

It was a damn good thing it was not a night swim or he may not have made it home from that one. He was bound to his gear and he was going down with it.

I'm just glad we never had to go to combat with that guy.

[ODA CDR (RET)]

I posted this link in the Base Camp, but I think it qualifies here too. The start of this story starts with the guns for money program we ran during the Just Cause/Promote Liberty times. A Colombian poacher comes up to our cuartel where folks are turning in antique guns for cash. He asks how much can he get for a whole plane. The rest is history at this link. Regards


http://www.google.soesterbergwolfhounds.com/site/54/105/operation+jungle+jewel.html

[Roguish Lawyer]

LOL, keep 'em coming gents!

[Richard]

We doin' Brief-Backs or AARs? Some seem a little confused over the difference between the two. :confused:

And so it goes...;)

Richard's $.02 :munchin

[longrange1947]

OK, I'll bite.

Sitting in isolation can cause some to think of ways to mess with the uninitiated. We were in Iso for a quick DA mission and we were requesting supplies, weapons and explosives for the mission. Our Engineer decided it was time to test the new Candy Stripe S4 so he requested one HSBOS.

Well it was approved and we moved on and got ready for the brief back. During the question and answer period the S4 Captain just could not stand not knowing what a HSBOS was that he had approved. The 12B (Engineer for you young guys :D) stated simply Heat Seeking Bag of Shit. Dead quiet and then Bo Gritz mumbled, "If you didn't know what it was why did you approve it?" and then burst out laughing.

As an aside, our quickie DA turned into a follow-on UW and we were in the jungle for a bit longer than planned. On a BBT we were informed that we were hit by a SSBOH. I will let you guys figure that one out. So the Captain got back at us. :munchin :D

Richard a mix of the two. :)

[Roguish Lawyer]

Anyone else going to enter? We'll keep the contest open for a few more days . . . :munchin

[2018commo]

I once asked a rather infamous COL whose name rhymes with Potter to hold his questions till the end of the brief; well things kind of went downhill from there. One of the best butt chewings I ever had. I knew he had been a 10Gp CDR, but had no idea how short his fuse was...
Turns out I was set up, what are friends for anyway!

[Baht Dog]

Well I don’t see a sign that says this thread is closed yet.


So there we were, 18,000 feet above Yakima, nighttime HALO Op Circa late 1980’s.


The RP was off and we were dropped way off. There was no chance of making it to the DZ. But I was unaware of it at the time.


All the standard DZ markings were used to include bean bag light arrow and a white strobe.


I looked and looked and nothing was making sense and none of the landmarks registered. So of course with that being an area of deep gnarly ravines, mesa’s and canyons the “ah shit” factor was present.


I kept monitoring my altimeter, compass and desperately peering intently below for any sign of the DZ.


Suddenly, “there it was! “ A very faint white flashing light! Eureka! At least I can see the strobe.


I set up my approach looking for faint outlines of other canopies of my team members, chem-lights and the like. An entanglement under 1000 or so feet at night would most likely be fatal.


Just as I was getting ready to lower my combat equipment I could see a canyon wall looming out of the darkness. I was headed straight for it.


I quickly turned 180 degrees. Another canyon wall. “Shit, I’m in a box canyon”…at night, god knows where.


Another turn, 60 degrees this time, then SMACK…I slam into the bottom of the canyon into a slight slope. I laid there stunned, pinned under my ruck. I roll the ruck off, put my weapon into action and start to get my bearings. I see canyon walls all around. The “strobe light” going “click…click…click…” about 50 feet away.


“WTF”? “Where is everyone?” “ This ain’t the DZ”. :mad:


I go over to the “strobe.” It’s an electric fence, surrounding a large pen yard, set on 4’ tall steel fencing poles. Perfect for impaling a jumper landing in a dark canyon at night. The electric charge line is contacting a blade of grass and making a white spark with each cycle of the fence charge. That was my “strobe”.


“Well, at least I didn’t land on one of those 4’ Punji-Sticks and ram it through myself Vlad The Impaler style….”


I look up the rise, a small hill. At the top is a faint porch light hidden under an overhang. I head to the top of the rise on this canyon floor and see it’s a trailer. A few outbuildings are in dark perimeter shadows. I walk around the corner towards the door to knock. This was in the days before cell phones and radio was making no contact. So I needed to get back to the DZ so they could get accountability.


I round the corner and am staring down the barrel of a .357 magnum. “FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER”, the grizzled biker commanded. :eek:


I halted and calmly said; “whoa there fella, take it easy I’m a Staff Sergeant ___________with the United States Army Special Forces. We just conducted a night time parachute operation and we landed off target”.


He grunted; “let me see some ID”. I produced it and then he looked down the hill with a laugh and said “huh, damn good thing you didn’t land a little more to the right…I have a mean-ass 400 pound boar hog in that pen down there named Wilber and if you had landed in there he would have torn you to shreds”.


I gave the man twenty bucks to drive me back to the DZ. The team was scattered and the Team Sergeant broke his leg on that jump.


Even back during the late 80’s there were lots of grizzled biker types running meth labs up in them there hills.


So, I thought to myself; “damn, at least let me die in battle. Not torn to shreds pinned under my ruck by a 400 pound hog or have my head blown off by some tweaking biker”….:D


Next time I’ll give you the one about when I landed in a Thai Disco. Swooped in a night just like James Bond :cool:

[Roguish Lawyer]

Dayum BD, I think you would have won if you posted before the deadline. Tell ya what though, if you're ever in LA, dinner and drinks are on me. :munchin

[Baht Dog]

Sound great RL! :D