Skippy's email

[Kyobanim]

Hello, my name is Skippy and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion f*cking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we?

"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!" What a bunch of bullsh*t. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower. F*ck 'em.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't f*cking care. Show a little intelligence and
think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity. The point
being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email. Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will
consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

P.S. Send me 15 bucks

[SpearmintRhino]

Thank you my friend,for sending me such important email in 2003!

Thank God you included me in your quest to inform!
Thanks to you:
* I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
* I smell like sh*t, but thank god I stopped using deodorant because they cause cancer.
* I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, for fear that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then and try to rob me.
* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
* I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogen they contain may turn me g*y.
* I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
* When I go to parties, I now don't look at any girl no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
* I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account.That poor sick girl that was about to die in the hospital. Funny thing, she never seems to get any older ...
* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made, expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.

It's weird, though that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.
But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will sh*t on you tomorrow at 7:00 pm